Parents overstaying visit and needing to be entertained

[Anonymous]

How is a cashmere sweater in the winter an "impractical" item of clothing? It takes no more time to pull one on than, say, a sweat shirt. I wear cashmere all the time, and I have a toddler and a 4-year-old.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why it is so difficult for a grown adult (you) to open your mouth and tell your parents exactly what you're telling us. The problem is you, not them.

[Anonymous]

You can't expect people to be mind readers. I don't understand why you want to come onto a message board and talk about this, when all you need to do is be an adult and have a conversation with your parents. Learn how to speak your mind, communicate, and set boundaries. It's what grown ups do. And if you can't do that, then you need to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Typically I read these threads and I'm very sympathetic to the poster. But this one ... honestly, OP, none of this seems like a big deal. Okay, your parents have some annoying habits - your grown kids will say the same about you, trust me . Your parents emailed you asking for your preferences regarding their visit - be an adult and tell them. If you don't want anyone staying in your house now, and it sounds like your parents have other options (hotel, sister's house) then just tell them. You don't need to give big explanations but you do need to be clear and direct, albeit kind. You can do it!

[Anonymous]

Totally sympathetic to the OP here. Her parents are grownups and shouldn't need to be entertained. Anyone who takes advantage of a woman with a toddler and infant is a moocher and should be ashamed of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Definitely a hotel this time, Mom. And remember I go back to work on Monday, so don't plan on seeing us after the pizza party (or whatever the last event is). I don't know what did or brother might have planned, but we need to regroup Sunday evening and won't be having anyone over for dinner."

Etc.

This is direct and to the point - keep your explanation simple and be ready to repeat it as needed. I have had parents pressure me and I found it easier to stick to what was best for my family by reminding myself I was standing up for my children. Yes, they need a bedtime and routine (a complaint I've heard too, OP) - and it's okay to say no to family when they want things that disrupt those needs. It's also okay to say no for yourself, though I know that can feel a lot harder to do.

+1

OP, you sound like you run your house and family much like I run ours. Young children need a nap routine and a lot of attention.

The above is the best approach. If they don't like it, they will figure out how to deal with it. The alternative is you dealing with what they do like, and that is not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

I get dressed in 5 minutes, wear cashmere all the time and do all the housework and cooking. Some details of your post sound really whiny, OP.

They had the courtesy to ask you what you preffered. I don't get why you're on here whining about being asked to state your preferences. State them, and stick to them. No more waiting hand and foot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just sent our immediate family a text about our son's baptism. We are Irish Catholic and baptisms are a big deal plus our families live out of town. For DS #1, his baptism was a holiday weekend and over 40 family members attended. We invited the godparents to stay at our home along with SIL who had a 2 year old and six week old. Both our parents have the means to stay at hotels and we got a group rate at a hotel in our neighborhood with walking distance of the church, the metro and our home. We also have family including siblings that live in DC, MD and VA with much bigger homes. Last time ILs stayed with my uncle in DC and my parents stayed with my sister in NoVA.

Just got a text at midnight from my mom asking "our preferences" regarding their flights. They plan on coming Thursday and staying through Tuesday. Want to know if they should book a noon or 7 pm Tursday flight. Also asking if they should stay at a hotel or our house...

I see nothing wrong with the cashmere sweater or wanting to go to church at a cathedral. They asked hotel or house so state hotel. I don't do uber apps so what if they reimburse anyone? I envision the large no kid house as being in Potomac or GF and far from evryone else. Maybe they could stay there for 1-2 nights and that relative have everyone over for a take-out lunch.

You're making problems.

[Anonymous]

OMG your posts are exhausting me. you are bending over backwards and doing flips to please people. Live your life. Tell them what you are doing. Move on. Don't feel this obligation.

M&D, our friends X and Y are staying here. Since you don't like to share bathroom, I thought you'd stay in a hotel.

Remember I go back to work on Monday. So Sunday will be an early night and we won't be around Monday or Tuesday to spend any time with you.

We're exhausted with a second child. I'm sure you remember how it is. Luckily, sister is going to handle all arrangements.

Can't wait to see you! Xoxo bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And they normally don't stay at our house but s nearby hotel. But will be at our house all day and late at night. They maybe sleep three hours. My DH is from the South and feels like he has to wait on them hand and foot and stay up with my dad and make him cocktails and chat. We are exhausted.

My parents do help with our children but complain about everything. They are supportive about breastfeeding but think my one month old should not be fed in demand.they also think I should wear a breastfeeding cover in my own house even though I wear nursing tops and tanks with scarves that are modest.

They think we are too strict with DS who is three. I didn't have a bedtime and if family or company was visiting, we didn't take naps and rearranged our schedules. My toddler is a sweet boy but a nightmare without naps. He sucks his thumb and there is a lot of unsolicited advice about that and the fact he wears pull-ups at nap time and bed. They also think DS should eat more "American food" like chicken nuggets and pizza because DS prefers things like lox s d bagels with cream cheese, quinoa and lentils, and salads.

Being from the South has nothing to do with it, your DH is also afraid of setting boundaries and doesn't like confrontation.

[Anonymous]

Your post made me laugh because the exact same thing happened with my mom at my DD's baptism. She doesn't drive or walk, won't share bathrooms, and won't stay in hotels. She sulked and pouted because she couldn't sit with us in the pew for babies and godparents/parents at mass, and had to sit with the rest of the family. The bathroom adjacent to our guest room is also the main floor bathroom, and she created all sorts of drama because she was anxious about having to share "her" bathroom when the rest of the family came over for brunch after mass. The worst part of the visit was that she took 2 hours to get ready every morning and never seemed to be aware of how to use subtraction to estimate when to begin getting ready for a predetermined departure time. DD is older now and no matter what new boundaries I set my mom weasels around them and I have to create different ones for our next interaction.

we are clearly long-lost cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ boundaries

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG your posts are exhausting me. you are bending over backwards and doing flips to please people. Live your life. Tell them what you are doing. Move on. Don't feel this obligation.

M&D, our friends X and Y are staying here. Since you don't like to share bathroom, I thought you'd stay in a hotel.

Remember I go back to work on Monday. So Sunday will be an early night and we won't be around Monday or Tuesday to spend any time with you.

We're exhausted with a second child. I'm sure you remember how it is. Luckily, sister is going to handle all arrangements.

Can't wait to see you! Xoxo bye.

All of this. Also, "We deleted the Uber app from our phones because we don't need it and it was taking up too much memory. You can download it if you want, or I can download it to your phone. Or use cabs, I guess."

[Anonymous]

Thurs - Tues is really not a long time for guests who are flying in. Thurs and Tues they'll spend the better part of their time at the airport (not to mention the cost of plane tickets). That gives them Sat/Sun/Mon. And if they are staying at a hotel.....WTH is the problem?

You've already got an event planned that YOU invited them to which is why they are flying in to begin with.

Sorry, I think you're being a little unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't need to convince any of us that your parents should stay at a hotel. Of course they should stay at a hotel. Just tell them. They don't have to like it.