My overweight son wants to get fatter??

[Anonymous]

Kids get a lot of praise for being big - think about it. Our son is in second grade and the boys who are bigger get noticed for it all the time. They aren't thinking about fat and health, they are just hearing parents oohing and ahhing about how "big you got over the summer." Our son is thin and active, but still is paying attention to how tall he is relative to his peers (he wants to ride the Harry Potter rides next time we go to Universal) and often talks about eating food that will make him big and strong.

Sounds like you're in a tough spot. I would work hard on the exercise/health part because you are bumping up against the rebellious age and he will exploit the hell out of your anxieties if you let him know how much his weight is bothering you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our elementary school, there are a good number of kids from food insecure families. The school has a table where extra cafeteria food, chocolate milk, yogurts, etc. are placed and kids can take from it if they want. The elementary school also serves free breakfast to all. So, my son eats breakfast at home but is also offered breakfast at before care, breakfast in the classroom, and then extra food at lunch... not to mention snacks in after care. It feels like the only meal we can really control is dinner. We could probably ask before care and aftercare to more closely monitor his intake, but I think too many food restrictions sets up even more unhealthy eating habits down the road.

Yes I agree with my son he's always hungry and if he's trying to get fatter then it doesn't matter to him what he eats - if it's there the he'll eat it. Pretty sure him and his friend eat as much as they can from the share table because they always seem to joke about it slyly then when I question they pretend they don't know. This makes it even harder for me to control his diet and is no doubt contributing to hiw much bigger he is actually getting now.

I agree and hope that it is a phase and that he would stop because he got bored or sick of it. However the fact that he's succeeding to get fatter is what's egging him on to continue, shown by when he found it hilarious that his shirt we bought in August no longer could get around his belly after Christmas holidays. So it seems that moving up a shirt or trouser size is like a new goal for him to get bigger and it really worries me. He is not a tall lad and his fat is really starting to show now and it's very embarrassing when I can see other parents judging me at things like when he goes swimming or buying him husky clothes in a size older than he is anyway.

He tried Pokemon go but wasn't really a fan which was a shame but likes lots of other games, nine of which unfortunately get him active.

22:25 here and this sounds almost exactly like my son. I'd wonder if we were talking about the same friend-set only I know DS's friend is quite a bit heavier than yours.

Well I guess it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this. Is your sons friend the same age as mine (8) because maybe it's some sort of weird thing they like to do now. Is he also having similar symptoms like the fat belly and face as my son does. If so how are you coping with it and what are you doing about clothes for him because as he gets increasingly bigger clothes shopping is becoming such a nightmare although DS loves the process (getting measured etc).

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's watching sumo wrestling on deep cable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids get a lot of praise for being big - think about it. Our son is in second grade and the boys who are bigger get noticed for it all the time. They aren't thinking about fat and health, they are just hearing parents oohing and ahhing about how "big you got over the summer." Our son is thin and active, but still is paying attention to how tall he is relative to his peers (he wants to ride the Harry Potter rides next time we go to Universal) and often talks about eating food that will make him big and strong.

Sounds like you're in a tough spot. I would work hard on the exercise/health part because you are bumping up against the rebellious age and he will exploit the hell out of your anxieties if you let him know how much his weight is bothering you. Good luck.

Yes that's what happens whenever we see the extended family! No one is rude enough to comment on his weight and just goes on about how much he's grown! Not sure if my son's taking this as encouragement for getting fatter but it can't be helping. My son sounds similar to yours but is more conscious about how fat he is compared to his peers (or is what I think after hearing about him and his friend eating all the share table)

[Anonymous]

Get a bike and go for family rides, put him on a team where they are running around a lot. Soccer. Fencing. Get him a step counter and challenge him to get more steps than you. At this age they are still exploring interests and are pretty easy to direct. Stick to healthy foods and limit treats to a few times a week. We only have dessert every other night even though nobody in our family is heavy because sugar is really not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's watching sumo wrestling on deep cable.

Highly doubt it but thanks anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's really acceptable to let your son get that fat I'm afraid. They have such a high metabolism when they're at that age it can't be just what he's eating 'trying to get fat' there must something to do with how you were feeding him and treating him - how long has he been overweight? Is this weight increase recent? Has he ever been skinny?

I appreciate your point although I think you could've written it in a less judgemental way. And no he has been chubby since he was about 5-6 but it was completely unnoticeable until he took his top off and you could see his belly. I think it may have stemmed from when my husband was trying to get him into films so we always went to the cinema and he ate lots of junk but we haven't done things like that in years!

[Anonymous]

What his waist? Find it hard to picture an 8 year old with such a big belly he can't button up shirts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What his waist? Find it hard to picture an 8 year old with such a big belly he can't button up shirts.

Well in August we bought him a small husky shirt from lands end which is for a 27.5 inch waist but then by new year he could only button up the top few buttons then when it reached his belly it was too straining on the buttons so we've gone a size up to shirts with a 28.5 inch waist. The only problem is they come down quite far and the sleeves are long as they are obviously made for older children.

[Anonymous]

Well I guess it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this. Is your sons friend the same age as mine (8) because maybe it's some sort of weird thing they like to do now. Is he also having similar symptoms like the fat belly and face as my son does. If so how are you coping with it and what are you doing about clothes for him because as he gets increasingly bigger clothes shopping is becoming such a nightmare although DS loves the process (getting measured etc).


They're 8. DS is getting a big belly and face but has always been tall (4'8) and stocky so it isn't as noticeable. DS wears a 10 husky or 12. He prefers sweats over anything else, so, that makes it easier. We talk about healthy eating and make healthy dinners. We walk him to school instead of driving, and try to incorporate more physical activity (though he is resistant). We sign him up for any sports or activities he has an interest in, though the interest rarely lasts beyond the season. In the summer, we try to go to the pool daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's really acceptable to let your son get that fat I'm afraid. They have such a high metabolism when they're at that age it can't be just what he's eating 'trying to get fat' there must something to do with how you were feeding him and treating him - how long has he been overweight? Is this weight increase recent? Has he ever been skinny?

I appreciate your point although I think you could've written it in a less judgemental way. And no he has been chubby since he was about 5-6 but it was completely unnoticeable until he took his top off and you could see his belly. I think it may have stemmed from when my husband was trying to get him into films so we always went to the cinema and he ate lots of junk but we haven't done things like that in years!

I doubt it was completely unnoticeable to anyone used to looking at healthy kids--you were just used to it.

[Anonymous]

I read once (and I'm sorry but I cannot remember where) that developmentally, groups of kids start differentiating at about 7-8. So if you have a group of kids, and they all do art, and one is really good, s/he becomes "the artist" of the group and will start working at it more, while other kids will defer to that kid as the artist. There is a drive for individuation within the peer group.

The theory behind this is that hunter-gatherer groups survived by specialization, so the kids try everything, but then at this age they start to specialize; you need the basketweaver, the herb person, the weapon-maker, etc. If everyone in the group is the basketweaver, the chances of survival for the group is less--so, this behavior is baked in our genes.

Ok so what that means in modern terms is a few things. First, a little counter-intuitive--if you want your kid to see himself as the artist, don't push for him to hang out with the better artists (that are his own age. Older people as mentors are fine).

For your situation, I suspect what's going on is some take off on this. He's found his identity as the "Fat Albert" of the group. His peers probably identify him with this; he may be popular and seen as comedic and certainly harmless (no threat to alpha boys)--these two things protect him against bullying and confer positive feedback. (although I recognize the weight could create a bullying situation but it also can go the other way and create popularity).

The perception of individuation (or expertise) can protect from getting teased, because it gives them an area where they command respect from their peers. My friend had a DD who was horrible at many sports but was a great swimmer. The kids would say, "Oh, yeah, Larla is so bad at basketball. Doesn't matter. She's a swimmer."

Ok so it's coming from the hardwired age-appropriate mentality of individuation of onesself in the peer group.

So the trick would be to derail this by substitution. Meaning, finding something other than his girth to individuate himself in the group. Humor (being the jokester), or music, or the math whiz, or the geek, or whatever. Get him a mentor to teach him ____. Anything that the group can see him as specializing in. Think it through, make sure you don't pick a mentor to show him how to draw comic book art when there is a kid in his group who already does this well; that will backfire as it will create competition and friction between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, what is a share table???

NP. At my son's school it is a table where the kids put anything they bought or brought that they don't want to eat.
I have only every seen milk or bananas there. But I am not there that often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's really acceptable to let your son get that fat I'm afraid. They have such a high metabolism when they're at that age it can't be just what he's eating 'trying to get fat' there must something to do with how you were feeding him and treating him - how long has he been overweight? Is this weight increase recent? Has he ever been skinny?

Do not listen to this poster. Not all kids rub around like crazy. Our son loves eating and hates sports. We have to resort to making him exercise and watching his food and it is very difficult.

I actually think you need to talk to him about why he wants to fat. It is possible, although unlikely this is in response to someone inappropriately touching him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read once (and I'm sorry but I cannot remember where) that developmentally, groups of kids start differentiating at about 7-8. So if you have a group of kids, and they all do art, and one is really good, s/he becomes "the artist" of the group and will start working at it more, while other kids will defer to that kid as the artist. There is a drive for individuation within the peer group.

The theory behind this is that hunter-gatherer groups survived by specialization, so the kids try everything, but then at this age they start to specialize; you need the basketweaver, the herb person, the weapon-maker, etc. If everyone in the group is the basketweaver, the chances of survival for the group is less--so, this behavior is baked in our genes.

Ok so what that means in modern terms is a few things. First, a little counter-intuitive--if you want your kid to see himself as the artist, don't push for him to hang out with the better artists (that are his own age. Older people as mentors are fine).

For your situation, I suspect what's going on is some take off on this. He's found his identity as the "Fat Albert" of the group. His peers probably identify him with this; he may be popular and seen as comedic and certainly harmless (no threat to alpha boys)--these two things protect him against bullying and confer positive feedback. (although I recognize the weight could create a bullying situation but it also can go the other way and create popularity).

The perception of individuation (or expertise) can protect from getting teased, because it gives them an area where they command respect from their peers. My friend had a DD who was horrible at many sports but was a great swimmer. The kids would say, "Oh, yeah, Larla is so bad at basketball. Doesn't matter. She's a swimmer."

Ok so it's coming from the hardwired age-appropriate mentality of individuation of onesself in the peer group.

So the trick would be to derail this by substitution. Meaning, finding something other than his girth to individuate himself in the group. Humor (being the jokester), or music, or the math whiz, or the geek, or whatever. Get him a mentor to teach him ____. Anything that the group can see him as specializing in. Think it through, make sure you don't pick a mentor to show him how to draw comic book art when there is a kid in his group who already does this well; that will backfire as it will create competition and friction between them.

Completely get your point about individualisation (not individuation btw which is when you lose track of your individuality) and how he is identified at the fat kid of the group. I don't think he's getting bullied for it at all otherwise he wouldn't be trying to lose his belly not get fatter so hopefully this is not happening but I'm under the impression he has lots of friends. However the very main point about him establishing individuality that doesn't fit into my situation is the fact that one of his best friends is also quite chubby and how they joke about always eating everything in the share table is probably a joky way of telling the truth that they actually are eating way too much from it. It's possible they're trying to be more like each other by getting fatter so the individual thing kinda doesn't make sense in this situation, nevertheless it's a very elaborate point and makes a lot of sense. It's possibly his fat that he uses to make people laugh and become the 'joker' of the group. For instance in the original post I mentioned how he plays with his belly fat and lifts his top up and chases his sister for a laugh. He finds joy from his fat and it's encouraging him to want to get fatter, however it's at the stage where if he gets any bigger he's under threat from health issues, which is why I have sought professional help and am trying to get as many opinions as possible. All it takes is one look at him and you would know he's obese - it's that bad.