Can I give up on trying to parent my 11-year-old?

[Anonymous]

Also, absolutely sign your kid up for Strategies for Success as an elective. It is a small group class dedicated to teaching kids organizational strategies and executive functioning for middle and high school, plus self advocacy, and working with them on individual weaknesses. It is supposed to be offered in all FCPS middle schools. So basically, free, school provided organizational tutoring. I missed it with my HS kid, who was not formally diagnosed until the sh*t hit the fan in MS. We required our current MS kid (also ADHD) to take it-- and she fought us tooth and nail (refused to sign the course registration sheet, etc). But it really got her off on the right foot. Thus far, she is maintaining As and A-s without a tutor. Girls are often easier than boys in terms of organizational skills, but she had significantly more trouble in ES with study habits and getting homework turned in. A word of warning: this is a one semester class. Since your kid has an IEP, insist that they go in first semester. Otherwise it's random which semester they get.

I just want to point out that a student can take Strategies for Success for as long as needed in MS. My DS took it all of 7th grade and is currently the only 8th grader taking it. It did not require his approval/signature. When we developed his 7th grade IEP (spring of his 6th grade year), the MS Special Ed coordinator recommended it. It's a fabulous class. However, while DS learned the content, he refused/couldn't implement what he learned. He declined to attend the IEP meeting for his 8th grade year or provide input and, in his absence, the IEP team determined it appeared it still needed the class. He's the only 8th grader in it who took it the previous year. Every kid in the class he's in is a 7th grader. We've told DS that he controls how long he's in it. In order to demonstrate he no longer needs the class, he must complete AND turn in assignments and maintain at least a B average - no Cs. Based on his performance, he's not getting out of the class any time soon. It's unfortunate because it counts as an elective and I know there are other classes he'd like to take. But, again, he is in control of that. I am in close contact with his SOS teacher regarding this. Also, in our FCPS MS, all the teachers have after school office hours. DS has been required to stay after school any time he is missing assignments or his grades fall below a B. And, yes, he's on ADHD medication. This is a behavioral issue, not an ADHD issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you provide the name of whatever app automatically shuts off the device at the specified interval?

It's called "Mom."

Ahhh yes. But Mom can be ignored, argued with, begging for just 5 more minutes, assured that the world will end if you don't finish just this level, told that she got the time wrong, and he has 5 minutes left, told that the time he spent in the bathroom shouldn't count, and so on. If your kid is stubborn and tenacious enough, it can take a half an hour to end a half an hour of screen time. And if you have an ADHD kid whose meds have run out and is in hyperfocus mode, this will end with yelling, crying, a meltdown and a slamming door. Whereas your kid can try to argue with a kindle that has turned itself off. But they won't get very far, and mom doesn't have to listen to it or have the same.damn.fight.and.temper.tantrum.every.day.

If you don't have an ADHD kid who hyperfocuses with electronics, you may think it's a lack of discipline issue. And the parents should say turn it off and the kid should do it. Nope.

I'm actually a big fan of no electronics until you really can't avoid it. But by middle school, there starts to an academic use for devices too, so avoiding altogether may not be possible.

I wrote "It's called 'Mom'" and I do have an ADHD kid. His meds are gone by dinnertime (6ish) so I hide his DS and I'm the only one who knows the password on my laptop. He isn't allowed video games M-Th nights at all. On Friday-Sunday he can use electronics if his grades are good (we check them every few days) and after he has cleaned and organized his binder for the following week. My kid will argue with a tree stump. Be my guest. I don't have to stand around to listen to it. I have stuff to do. He is 11 and doesn't need a phone or his own tablet/kindle, etc. They are expensive and I don't have the money to get him one (single parent here). Let him cry, let him tantrum but you cannot give up on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

+1,000,000

This is the same OP who wanted to leave her kids with a Jewish babysitter on Christmas to go away with her DH. It's not even remotely comical.

No, I don't think this is a troll at all. I do think it is the same parent who keeps posting about her child having no interests outside of electronics. She posts similar things every month or so, gets good advice, never returns to the thread, and then comes back a month later with a new post saying her kid won't get off the electronics.
OP, take away the electronics. Your child is addicted, and it is not going to get better if you do not take charge. Yes, he will throw massive tantrums. He may become aggressive. Remove him from anything that he could hurt himself or you with, remove anything valuable, and leave him to his tantrum. Then, do not give back the electronics.
Please get some help for him and you. DCUM cannot solve this problem for you.
I know this is hard. We have a very challenging and strong-willed child too. When you have chidlren like this, you cannot be afraid of the tantrums, or they will control your whole life.

[Anonymous]

Electronics:

So, have the big blowout, the superduper many day blow out while you take all of the fun stuff and lock it up somewhere. Clearly a little bit of playstation doesn't work for your kid, so ban it all.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I hit "send" too soon.

After a few days, things will calm down and you will all learn to live without those things.

And, homework at the kitchen table.

[Anonymous]

TAKE AWAY the Electronics!!! For the love of god!

[Anonymous]

If that means the kid only uses a school-issued laptop for 30 minutes a day while doing homework, while sitting next to mom or dad to make sure that games aren't "inadvertently" popping up on the screen, so be it.

What school(s) issue laptops to each kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If that means the kid only uses a school-issued laptop for 30 minutes a day while doing homework, while sitting next to mom or dad to make sure that games aren't "inadvertently" popping up on the screen, so be it.

What school(s) issue laptops to each kid?

Washington Lee.

[Anonymous]

Throw the electronics away. Easy fix. No phone, no games, no internet, no nothing...

[Anonymous]

It's not politically correct but you can tell if a kid has "it" factor by age 5 or 6.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have it lucky. DS has both ADHD and Asbergers. DW has ADHD,too. DS is on focalin and DW is on ritalin. DS has social problems. When he arrives a t school all the other kids yell "hi" to him and he ignores them. When I tell him to respond, he says "I don't want to." He is uncooperative with his teachers. He's very smart and is a national chess champion. But needs special help at school on socializing. He's the first member of my family to ever attend a public school, which I' m not thrilled about, but there seems no alternative right now. As far as boarding school goes, I'm still hopeful he can do that, just like his forebears did. His chess ability could get him into a good one. But only if he grows out of needing special help. In my experience, kids with those kinds of alumni connections have a much easier time. It may not be fair, but it's the way it is.

[Anonymous]

I love how everyone says throw out electronics; that would mean I would have to throw my husband out too. Here is where I lose in my family, I don’t have my husband on the same page only when it’s convenient to him.

Yeah, I want to hang it all up:

[Anonymous]

You can give up on parenting your 11yo if I can give up on my 10yo. Deal?

[Anonymous]

People. this thread is 3 years old. Stop commenting on it! The kid is in HS now. Start a new thread if you have similar issues.

[Anonymous]

You have to parent him, but allowing kids to suffer the consequences of bad choices is a parenting choice.