Is my younger child destined to a lifetime of lame birthdays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe all of her "big" gifts are destined to be hand me downs? Seems crappy.

OP here - I never said I'd give her hand-me-downs as a gift, but I'm not going to go out and buy a new bike when there is a perfectly suitable one in the attic. That wouldn't be a gift, just something that we make her own when its time for her to use it. It also means that a bike, etc. is one less option for a "big" gift when it comes time for Christmas/Birthday.

You should not make every big thing a hand-me down. There is being frugal, and then there is being cheap and unfair. Every bike she owns as a child should not be a hand-me down, regardless of the status of the bike in the attic. And yes, I have two children that are 17 months apart. My youngest son always gets his own smaller bike or scooter. You will send your younger daughter a clear message if EVERYTHING she gets was new and shiny for someone else.

As for parties and such, I have a friend whose child was born a few days after Christmas. She just sends out the invites a lot earlier than usual. If we are in town, we ALWAYS go to his birthday party.

This is so wasteful. Not everyone has as much money as you clearly do. But also, with 17 months difference, you probably need two of everything. I have a three year difference, so A is already grown out of things by the time B needs them. I can't afford to waste perfectly good things just so B can have them new. What kind of lesson would that teach my kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two strikes against her in the gift department. 1, she's the younger sister (close in age) and 2) she was born a few days after Christmas. Seriously, I have no idea what to get her. I've been told to never, ever combine birthday and Christmas gifts, which we'll do, but I feel like she's always going to get the short end of the stick. Either her sister will already have (and hand down) "big" gifts like a bike or she'll get it for Christmas (or her birthday, but then opposite is true...) DD is not really old enough to notice yet, but that day is soon coming.

Has anyone successfully mitigated this?

Do her birthday party in early December before you put up a tree. Give her whatever you'd give her if her birthday was in June. You need to separate her celebration from Christmas. In her actual birthday she gets a family dinner and a day out with you doing whatever she'd like.

[Anonymous]

My cousin has this birthday. Now that everyone is older and spread out I think it is nice that all of the siblings are home for Christmas and then they can have a special night to celebrate her birthday. My aunt makes it a nice dinner and cake.

[Anonymous]

My friend's DD is a Christmas Day baby. They celebrate her birthday (party and big gift) on June 25 and give her a cake and small present specifically wrapped for her bday on Dec 25. She is 13 now and so far as I know there is no problem with this.

[Anonymous]

As a Christmas birthday person...yes it will alway suck. You really do not have a birthday. People will move your birthday around the big day(have it on Christmas Eve, etc), but you and your birthday are always just an after thought. Family members forget it, you have to get everyone else a gift on your birthday, most people give you a combo gift because they are too lazy or too busy to get you seperate gifts, etc, etc. I never real got birthdays.

[Anonymous]

Hand me downs are part of being the younger sibling. Having said that, not every big gift, clothes, toys, etc have to be hand me downs.

With your kids close in age you might find your younger Dd aches up in height/weight of older sister and you might find yourself buying 2 bikes bc they aren't far enough for hand me downs.

Mine are 22 mo apart and younger Dd is same height of older Dd. I treat them like twins most of the time, yep Grandma bought 2 bikes for them for bdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. Make her b-day a family trip each year.

Please don't do this! I spent every single one of my birthdays as a child traveling for our NY vacation, and I *hated* it!! Maybe if I had been allowed to pick the destination I would have felt differently...but I don't think that's reasonable to let a child dictate family vacation.

OP, yes, your DD will likely have a lifetime of lame birthdays. Mine is Dec 28. To make matters worse, my older sister's is a few days before Christmas. Just do your best. It's okay to have her birthday gift be less extravagant, as long as you give her one and a card and make the day special. And please don't use Christmas wrapping paper if you can avoid it.

You also probably won't do birthday parties on her actual birthday, since most friends will be on vacation. That's okay. Just pick an early December weekend and be consistent about it.

I turned out okay despite my lame birthday. And, as an adult, there is a benefit in that I usually am off work on my birthday.

[Anonymous]

I was born a few days before Christmas. Yeah it sucked, but my parents made sure that my birthday was over the top. Absolutely NO birthday presents wrapped in christmas paper, no christmas trees on the birthday cake, etc. We always had a nice birthday celebration - everyone was home. I probably ended up getting more birthday presents than my brothers on their birthdays because my parents were trying to make it over the top. Your kid will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly yes. DH is a holiday birthday and it's HARD. He definitely doesn't really get separate birthday and Christmas gifts. And since his is right after Christmas, no one really wants to celebrate again and are burnt out from the holidays.

Do people really have the time and inclination to add a birthday to the mix in the days leading up to Christmas, though? Just curious because I am facing a Christmas time birth soon.

Lol. It's not like you have a choice to make the bday not then.

I am the laziest parent in the world. My kid is born in April, and I usually get around to throwing a party in June, desperately trying to squeeze it in before summer break. No one seems to mind.

If my kid was born in December, I can guarantee we'd do a small family celebration, and get around to the party later. Heck, we might even decide on a half birthday party, and then end up having that in October.

Note: I am not suggesting this to others, just saying that it is in fact possible to celebrate a birthday at an off time.

[Anonymous]

I also have a birthday a few days after Christmas. One point in favor of a birthday that week: she'll never have to go to school on her birthday. Even as an adult I've found that to be true with work a lot of years. Sometimes my employer is closed and otherwise it's a really easy time to take a vacation day. That was something my mom liked to point out as a silver lining, and she convinced me. It's still something I enjoy about my birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my husband. He's 35 and still a bit sensitive about birthdays. (OTOH, my ILs totally sidelined him to deal with his dramatic sister.)

What about starting a strong birthday tradition that is activity based instead of object based? For example, it's a weekend away or a day trip or a thing with just mom and dad - get a sitter for sister.

My DH too. His b-day was always lumped in with Christmas or just forgotten.

[Anonymous]

DH's birthday is right after Christmas. But we only see his family at Christmas time (we aren't coming back the next weekend too!). Anyways, he gets much better gifts because his birthday is next to Christmas. For instance, I get a $50 gift on my June birthday and another $50 gift at Christmas, whereas he gets a $100 gift from his sister. He sort of likes this and his family will go in on much bigger gifts for him than they would if he didn't have birthday and Christmas combined.

But he's not big into gifts anyways, so the combined gift doesn't bother him. We always do a weekend trip instead of a birthday present as a couple.

[Anonymous]

Convert. No more Christmas. Problem solved.

[MrTrevorRolling]

Don't make gifts and birthdays a big deal, and the kid won't get traumatized about it. If you talk like it's a bad thing to have a birthday near xmas your kid will take on that attitude.