One child substantially more attractive than the other
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Anonymous
Well the Kardashians made it work--only one pea in this pod was naturally attractive...
They're all pretty much POS though. So raise your kid to be confident in who they are or just fill them with so much botox, plastic surgery and entitled attitude that they are still hideous but can walk a red carpet. |
Anonymous
| Not OP but I have two daughters very close in age and we have this problem. One is just kind of average looking (just like me and dh) and one regularly gets stopped by strangers on the street to gush over how beautiful she is. Please help me handle this, I don't want my "average" one to feel bad about herself and I don't want my "beautiful" one to think her looks are her most important asset. How do I address this with hem? I only have a brother (who I'm very close to, but was never competitive with) and I have no idea how to navigate sister relationships. |
Anonymous
| OP, I think I know you and your daughters... |
Anonymous
Don't forget Matthew Lewis / Neville Longbottom. I also agree about Princes William and Harry. It's really striking the difference between ten years ago and now. I don't know what to say on this issue. My oldest is gorgeous, but she's a little oblivious to it. It helps that she's also a quirky kid, so in her case I feel her looks have helped her navigate being a kid who does her own thing. My youngest is cute, but in a different way from big sis. We tell both kids that they're fun, sweet, smart, loyal, kind, and good friends, because these things are true and these qualities are important. We also tell them both that they are lovely, because to us they both are. The kind, loyal, fun, good friend qualities are what we talk about most, because these are the qualities we value the most. |
Anonymous
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I think it's a long life. My sister was the pretty one in high school and college and she didn't age well. I am a lot more attractive from about 30-50.
I dunno. My mother never once said a damn word about any of it. She didn't focus on our appearances at all, really. She raised us to be confident, smart, and funny and led by example. So I'd go that route. I don't think my sister and I ever thought our looks were our most valuable asset. |
Anonymous
This to PP/OP who wonder how to raise 2 daughters of varying looks. Just avoid commenting on other people's looks and weights as well as on those in your own family. |
Anonymous
+1 I'm a little relieved my girls don't look alike and are harder to compare to each other. I try very hard to give both girls compliments about their behavior and their actions, instead of their looks. I think (hope?) impressing upon them that their character matters more than their appearance will make an impression. Time will tell. |
Anonymous
Anonymous
| Get over it OP, and never speak this thought to anyone out loud. Your kids never should hear your opinion on this. |
Anonymous
| When I was younger, before kids, I complemented this woman I casually knew on how beautiful one of her two daughters were. I only saw it as complementing the one, the mom responded very harshly to me and immediately I realized what I'd done was wrong. I meant no harm but you may find people such as myself are just ignorant to what they are saying or implying. |
Anonymous
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Yes, there are things to think about here. I have two girls- both adults now. Both had gifts of different things, difficulties in different ways. It is astonishing to see how the world views a beautiful child/girl/woman. Astonishing. Youngest daughter was a stunning baby, child, teenager, and now is a very attractive woman,but not really anything super unusual now. Her sister was not ugly by any means, but next to her younger sister, I guess others viewed it differently...she appeared plain. As an adult woman,many find her to be attractive, but in a much different way. One has maybe a more classic beauty, and the other a more ethereal look . My husband and I are just acceptable-looking folk- nothing outstanding in any one way.
I have to say, the attention that the younger one received in larger picture,outside of our home, was unbelievable. Unbelievable. we would be stopped everywhere and this child was lavished with coochy coos, comments, hugs, etc. She would be asked if she wanted a treat at stores, talked to , provided with gifts....all in front of her older sister-with little or no attention offered to her. My friends commiserated with my observation, but always added " You are just going to have to get used to this- she's always going to get attention like this- what can you say to people- offer my OTHER daughter a piece of cookie, too?" Well, yeah, I can, but really I couldn't change the world. We did play up the aspect of personality over appearances at home, but the world, magazines, and the media,and other people gave different lessons. I had little control over that. Quite apart from the issue of the two daughters and their feelings toward each other, I soon learned that being beautiful in this society also comes with a huge price tag. It's a lot of stress keeping up appearances to suit what one thinks they owe to people. That sounds odd, but a young girl doesn't have the wherewithall to understand society's needs, however shallow. She only knows what her interaction is. If one grows up and is regaled for something one has no control over, really, one will have to work to make sure they continually provide this form of currency because they feel that might be their worth..despite anything we did or said to disavow it. She was able to write life checks that she could not cash...and it cost her dearly in some ways. It was more of a curse than anything. Older daughter played up her smarts-realized that she might never achieve the goal of society, and managed with a mindset that worked for her, but I believe she had less self confidence and used her smarts in good ways, but in some poor ways... she found that people could be manipulated. (Think: the middle girl in Modern Family.) We focused on giving to others, to charity, to helping others. We played down clothes and makeup as much as we could considering they were both teenagers at one point and enjoyed that. Perhaps we could have done more in that department, but I'm, not sure how. Social media was not a thing then, thank goodness. They were close always, but adulthood and some issues have recently brought to light some unresolved resentments....even today in their late 30s. I wish I could give actual advice. I cannot, but I do acknowledge your concern, because you can already see how this may affect your girls down the road. We live in a lookist world, like it or not. |
Anonymous
| If you ever think that either of your daughters is having issues with this, please consider counseling. My sister has major self esteem issues and major issues with our entire family that I wish she'd gotten some help with earlier in life. |
Anonymous
| Eh don't worry about it. Lots of cute kids grow into plain adults and vice versa. If you've ever looked at celeb baby/kid pictures, you would know this. |
Anonymous
Who are they? |
Anonymous
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How do you know what people will say to the kids later on about their appearance??
Don't just readily assume that people will remark on their physical attributes. And keep in mind just how subjective looks are. |