If you came forward as a victim of abuse, did family believe you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Write this post? This happened over the summer.

Well, right that post as well. Unless OP was wishing for a sad and lonely Thanksgiving...

On the subject: OP, you can't control what other people believe or not. Obviously, your father's family has their own take on things. In fact, I'd be more surprised if they believed you unequivocally. It would be too unnatural of a reaction to such accusations. In any case, other people's beliefs are irrelevant. Do what's best for you, and good luck to you. I hope you will heal soon, hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

And this is why the cycle continues. Everybody sweep it under the rug so we can play happy family for Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Write this post? This happened over the summer.

Well, right that post as well. Unless OP was wishing for a sad and lonely Thanksgiving...

On the subject: OP, you can't control what other people believe or not. Obviously, your father's family has their own take on things. In fact, I'd be more surprised if they believed you unequivocally. It would be too unnatural of a reaction to such accusations. In any case, other people's beliefs are irrelevant. Do what's best for you, and good luck to you. I hope you will heal soon, hugs.

Why would it be more "natural" to believe someone would create a lie about being a victim of childhood sexual abuse than to believe that the "accused" would have a good reason to deny their wrongdoing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Write this post? This happened over the summer.

Well, right that post as well. Unless OP was wishing for a sad and lonely Thanksgiving...

On the subject: OP, you can't control what other people believe or not. Obviously, your father's family has their own take on things. In fact, I'd be more surprised if they believed you unequivocally. It would be too unnatural of a reaction to such accusations. In any case, other people's beliefs are irrelevant. Do what's best for you, and good luck to you. I hope you will heal soon, hugs.

Why would it be more "natural" to believe someone would create a lie about being a victim of childhood sexual abuse than to believe that the "accused" would have a good reason to deny their wrongdoing?

Because a lie is far less horrible than the abuse itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

And this is why the cycle continues. Everybody sweep it under the rug so we can play happy family for Thanksgiving.

Nobody has to play. But unpleasant life-changing announcement are not typically made at family gatherings. It's not like abuse happened minutes before, so no, the deep suffering, while valid, is not an acceptable excuse to make everybody else suffer deeply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

And this is why the cycle continues. Everybody sweep it under the rug so we can play happy family for Thanksgiving.

Nobody has to play. But unpleasant life-changing announcement are not typically made at family gatherings. It's not like abuse happened minutes before, so no, the deep suffering, while valid, is not an acceptable excuse to make everybody else suffer deeply.

OP here - I did not make the announcement at Thanksgiving dinner! And in fact I never made an announcement. I attempted to confront my abuser - he went to various family members to tell them the horrible thing I was accusing ("") him of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

FYI, the person who "ruined" Thanksgiving dinner is the abuser who committed the abuse not the victim who refused to stay silent about it.

[Anonymous]

I haven't done this but I could see how and why it could happen.

Being realistic, I think when you tell someone so awful about a person they know and love, it might not sink it right away and the initial reaction might be disbelief.

Also iff the person generally has an overly dramatic personality, I could also see that they would invite skepticism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

So you're one of the deniers in the family, then?

Plus a million.

I wish these people would out themselves.

I'm actually someone who has been abused.

I wish people like you who have no clue what you are talking about would shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

And this is why the cycle continues. Everybody sweep it under the rug so we can play happy family for Thanksgiving.

Nobody has to play. But unpleasant life-changing announcement are not typically made at family gatherings. It's not like abuse happened minutes before, so no, the deep suffering, while valid, is not an acceptable excuse to make everybody else suffer deeply.

OP here - I did not make the announcement at Thanksgiving dinner! And in fact I never made an announcement. I attempted to confront my abuser - he went to various family members to tell them the horrible thing I was accusing ("") him of.

Yes op I remember you posting over the summer. Have you gone back to therapy yet or gotten your therapist involved in any of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you experienced this OP.

Victims should be free to confront their accuser WHENEVER they are ready ... even at Thanksgiving dinner. Whether your relatives believe you or not, at least they know your story ... this could save someone else (or their kid) from suffering what you did.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

I know a good root worker who can make him miserable or worse. She lives in South America but she does long distance consults.

[Anonymous]

The holidays are about family. Family is about caring for and supporting the people you love. If my daughter was abused, had a miscarriage, or was gay, I would absolutely want her to tell me during the holidays and not worry about ruining a dumb holiday.

Helping family when they need it the most is a gazillion times more important than having a picture perfect dinner that nobody will remember in five years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

So you're one of the deniers in the family, then?

Plus a million.

I wish these people would out themselves.

I'm actually someone who has been abused.

I wish people like you who have no clue what you are talking about would shut up.

I've also been abused, and definitely know what I'm talking about.

[Anonymous]

I have no experience with sexual abuse. But in my experience (not direct), abuse (emotional/physical) is not believed by relatives/family.

It's not even that they think the victim is a liar or untrustworthy. It's that they don't want to deal with it. Even family/relatives who WITNESS the abuse act like it didn't happen because they don't want to deal with it. They want everyone to be able to come together at holidays and weddings and pretend to be happy.

For family or relatives to accept that abuse happened would mean that they'd have to reevaluate their relationships and actually face the dilemma of whether to make the abuser an outcast or accept what he/she did and be okay with it.

No one wants to do that. This is why victims often don't come forward. It's a larger problem then just abuse within families. It makes people uncomfortable. It's easier for people to tell themselves the victim is either a liar or "disturbed" and "imagined it."

Again, this is not from direct experience.