If you came forward as a victim of abuse, did family believe you?

[Anonymous]

For the record iThanksgiving dinner is also not the time to tell your Family you are gay or had a miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Would love to not have this thread derailed. I'm certainly not celebrating Thanksgiving with my father and his side of the family. This happened months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

Not to derail, but why should an abuser feel comfortable ever? (Not saying that Thanksgiving dinner itself is a proper forum, btw.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

Not to derail, but why should an abuser feel comfortable ever? (Not saying that Thanksgiving dinner itself is a proper forum, btw.)

I don't care about the abuser.

I care about everyone else including the victim who i unlikely to get the support needed if they just blurt this out at a holiday dinner in front of guest, kids etc.

It's about using good sense and realizing real life isn't a message board, reddit, tumblr or a movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Would love to not have this thread derailed. I'm certainly not celebrating Thanksgiving with my father and his side of the family. This happened months ago.

I'm sorry you weren't believed OP.
Unfortunately it's a common reaction, and I've read all kinds of theories as to why.
Don't focu on them. Focus on the people in your life be they blood or not that love you and support you.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. This happened in my family and I've posted about it here before. People do not want to believe that someone they love and trust could do something so awful. Denying the abuse is like victimizing the victim all over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

Not to derail, but why should an abuser feel comfortable ever? (Not saying that Thanksgiving dinner itself is a proper forum, btw.)

I don't care about the abuser.

I care about everyone else including the victim who i unlikely to get the support needed if they just blurt this out at a holiday dinner in front of guest, kids etc.

It's about using good sense and realizing real life isn't a message board, reddit, tumblr or a movie.

OP never mentioned Thanksgiving. Why take this thread on a tangent that isn't relevant?

[Anonymous]

I thought this thread would be about domestic violence...even in the case of domestic violence OP, where my ex was convicted in front of his family, they sided with him. People need to feel "safe" in their belief that not-someone-I-know or not-that-guy. People want to believe predators are monsters, not the average Joe.

Big hugs to you. Doesn't change or invalidate your experience / feelings.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who was abused by her father while a child. He's now in jail for sexually abusing his grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this thread would be about domestic violence...even in the case of domestic violence OP, where my ex was convicted in front of his family, they sided with him. People need to feel "safe" in their belief that not-someone-I-know or not-that-guy. People want to believe predators are monsters, not the average Joe.

Big hugs to you. Doesn't change or invalidate your experience / feelings.

OP here. I also was in an abusive relationship and not believed by family - this is why I won't tell my mom about the abuse I experienced at the hands of my dad (they're divorced). I really don't know what I would do if she chose not to believe that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

So you're one of the deniers in the family, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Whenever the victim feels ready to do this, it's time. Abusers don't get a say, and protecting "happy family time" when one member of the family is suffering deeply is monstrous. It is deeply evil to value the lie of a happy family over protecting and comforting a victim of sexual abuse.

You don't get to ruin thanksgiving dinner because you were abused.

If you can't handle that stay home.

So you're one of the deniers in the family, then?

Plus a million.

I wish these people would out themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving and family holidays is not the time to do this.

Childhood was not the time for her FATHER to introduce her to sexual molestation.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you experienced this OP.

Victims should be free to confront their accuser WHENEVER they are ready ... even at Thanksgiving dinner. Whether your relatives believe you or not, at least they know your story ... this could save someone else (or their kid) from suffering what you did.

[Anonymous]

Lemme get this straight--survivors of abuse should keep quiet and continue to suffer so that everyone can stuff their faces full of turkey and pretend that everything's cool? The cost of ruining someone's life is not high enough to potentially upset someone's dinner?? Nah. Out those bastards.