If your partner cheated, did you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I just found out my spouse has been cheating. I am devastated. We won't make it. But before we split up I will cheat on him. It won't save the marriage or harm it - the marriage is over. But it will make me feel human again. Sort of.

It will do more than make you feel human. It will make you feel alive again, to realize there are plenty of people who will desire you and treat you well.

I'm of the opinion that once someone cheats they have de facto granted a hall pass to their spouse. But don't just look for some random guy to hook up with. Wait until you meet someone you have a real connection with, who you would date if not for the fact of being married. Have an affair with that person. Then you'll know what was going on with the cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people here are talking about integrity and the high road, but it also make we wonder how much of it is that you don't get to be the "good" spouse. Like you are no longer in a position to get upset, or take your time to get over the betrayal, or whatever because now the "bad" spouse can say you are both in the same unfaithful boat?

And what if that's what you authentically are--a good spouse? What if you love your spouse and have never hurt them or cheated, and you don't want to, no matter what? It's not necessarily about making a case to be the "good" one who got hurt by their partner's behavior so you can have a right to be upset and to need time to deal with it. Sometimes that's just how it is. I'm a sensitive, loving, gentle person with a strong sense of empathy, right and wrong, and a conscience that won't quit. In my experience, when I do things that are negative, things that hurt others, it keeps me up at night. I've learned I have to take the high road if I want to be able to live with myself. I don't want to inflict pain on others. I understand people who enjoy revenge. Anyone can have vengeful impulses. It's about knowing yourself. No one can tell you what will work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I just found out my spouse has been cheating. I am devastated. We won't make it. But before we split up I will cheat on him. It won't save the marriage or harm it - the marriage is over. But it will make me feel human again. Sort of.

It will do more than make you feel human. It will make you feel alive again, to realize there are plenty of people who will desire you and treat you well.

I'm of the opinion that once someone cheats they have de facto granted a hall pass to their spouse. But don't just look for some random guy to hook up with. Wait until you meet someone you have a real connection with, who you would date if not for the fact of being married. Have an affair with that person. Then you'll know what was going on with the cheating spouse.

How do I meet someone?