What age is it OK to not invite both twins to a party?

[Anonymous]

twin mom here. since the girl you want to invite is in her class, I think it is fine to just invite that twin. When we get invites (which are often evites so it is hard to see who is officially addressed to) we always assume that only the twin in the b'day kids class was invited. Other twin only comes if we have had joint playdates with the b'day kid. My kids are in kindergarten fwiw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have twins - depends on the situation. If you have a history of interacting with both and they are both same gender - I would do both. Otherwise you are likely to cause hard feelings (think about being the invited girl). But if you have a history of a much deeper relationship with one and not much with the other, and it's obvious to all parties involved - then one is fine.

This.

If kids are all in the same class, same activity, play on the playground at the same time, live on the same street, etc - you invite both, even if you daughter likes one of the twins better. Excluding one twin in that situation wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.

However, if only one of the twins really ever interacts with your daughter and the other twin barely knows your daughter, it would be strange to invite the twin that never plays with your daughter.

If you're not sure - when in doubt invite both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it's one kid! Why are people so cheap about birthday parties!

It's not the cheapness. Did you read the post? The birthday girl is not friends with one of the twins. One of the girls in my circle of friends is a twin, we've been friends since ES. I don't particularly get along with her sister, we aren't friends. She has always had her own friends.

We're not talking about adults. We're talking about 1st graders. Friends are very fluid at that age and next year the other twin could be in OP's DD's class and could be closer to her. Happened to our DD with her twin friends. I think the immediate PP's last line was the most important of this oddly long thread which is that if there's any doubt you should invite both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it's one kid! Why are people so cheap about birthday parties!

It's not the cheapness. Did you read the post? The birthday girl is not friends with one of the twins. One of the girls in my circle of friends is a twin, we've been friends since ES. I don't particularly get along with her sister, we aren't friends. She has always had her own friends.

We're not talking about adults. We're talking about 1st graders. Friends are very fluid at that age and next year the other twin could be in OP's DD's class and could be closer to her. Happened to our DD with her twin friends. I think the immediate PP's last line was the most important of this oddly long thread which is that if there's any doubt you should invite both.

But if you read the OP's initial post it says the preferred twin is in her class and the other isn't.

OP, have your child invite who they want. You can not coddle everyone's feelings. Parents of twins should know their kids are not a packaged deal, especially at 8yrs old. That is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High school. You can invite them separately when they are in high school.

Before that they are too young, and you are setting their mother up to deal with hurt feelings and jealousy.

If you're still doing these kinds of birthday parties in high school there may be an issue.

It's up to their mother to deal with hurt feelings and jealousy, not whoever is hosting an 8 year old's birthday party.

OP in order to avoid the above situation I would likely not invite either one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg it's one kid! Why are people so cheap about birthday parties!

It's not the cheapness. Did you read the post? The birthday girl is not friends with one of the twins. One of the girls in my circle of friends is a twin, we've been friends since ES. I don't particularly get along with her sister, we aren't friends. She has always had her own friends.

We're not talking about adults. We're talking about 1st graders. Friends are very fluid at that age and next year the other twin could be in OP's DD's class and could be closer to her. Happened to our DD with her twin friends. I think the immediate PP's last line was the most important of this oddly long thread which is that if there's any doubt you should invite both.

But if you read the OP's initial post it says the preferred twin is in her class and the other isn't.

OP, have your child invite who they want. You can not coddle everyone's feelings. Parents of twins should know their kids are not a packaged deal, especially at 8yrs old. That is ridiculous.

I'm PP who posted the 'it depends'... if you thought of the same situation think that instead the twins were super close friends & the one not invited would know about the party, hear about the details of the party, etc... and expect an 8 year old not to feel excluded if they have some history of friendship with the host... that's the deal. That said, my twins do go to separate parties all the time, but for situations where there is a history of a friendship with both (even if it seems to have grown apart) ... that's hard for a little kid. I don't think they are a package deal, but it isn't like they don't live in the same house. Agree also that friends are fluid. I've seen the dynamics between the kids and their friends shift over and over.

[Anonymous]

Past infancy. Twins are separate people, and have their own friendships. If both siblings are friends with the birthday child, both should be invited. Otherwise, it only makes sense to invite the one who is friends with the birthday child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Past infancy. Twins are separate people, and have their own friendships. If both siblings are friends with the birthday child, both should be invited. Otherwise, it only makes sense to invite the one who is friends with the birthday child.

Basically this. I would say age 5 because really there is no good reason to do anything, but family parties before then. Once they hit kindergarten invite the twin that is the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school. You can invite them separately when they are in high school.

Before that they are too young, and you are setting their mother up to deal with hurt feelings and jealousy.

If you're still doing these kinds of birthday parties in high school there may be an issue.

It's up to their mother to deal with hurt feelings and jealousy, not whoever is hosting an 8 year old's birthday party.

OP in order to avoid the above situation I would likely not invite either one.

So you're saying you'd invite every kid in the class, or every same gender kid, except for the one who happens to have a twin?? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Mother of twins hete. Only invite the twin your child is close to. Do put the name for that twin on the invite so it is clear who is invited as so etimes I only send one child to party and then hear the other twin was expected/ invited too If there are hard feelings, that is a good teaching moment for the parents to take the opportunity to teach the children that you don't get invited to everything and that is okay.

[Anonymous]

Invite both at lease until 8 th grade

[Anonymous]

Pp least

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school. You can invite them separately when they are in high school.

Before that they are too young, and you are setting their mother up to deal with hurt feelings and jealousy.

If you're still doing these kinds of birthday parties in high school there may be an issue.

It's up to their mother to deal with hurt feelings and jealousy, not whoever is hosting an 8 year old's birthday party.

OP in order to avoid the above situation I would likely not invite either one.

So you're saying you'd invite every kid in the class, or every same gender kid, except for the one who happens to have a twin?? Wow.

No, no. I don't do "every kid in the class" parties. We invite friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Past infancy. Twins are separate people, and have their own friendships. If both siblings are friends with the birthday child, both should be invited. Otherwise, it only makes sense to invite the one who is friends with the birthday child.

I think it would be obnoxious to invite one of a set of twins at an age when you expect parents to stay. Once drop off birthday parties start, I think it's generally fine. The exception might be if your kid plays with both but likes one better. In that case, I think I'd probably invite both.

[Anonymous]

Mom of twins here. Invite the one kid you want. This leaves it up to the other parent to decide if they want to cone and if the "one twin" thing is ok for their family. For mine, it definitely would be but it's not your job to try to guess that.