Should I let DS fail in 7th Grade

[Anonymous]

military boarding school. you two are obviously incapable of being the sort of parents that this kid needs, and right now he needs to be knocked down a few pegs.

[Anonymous]

Get him tested first and foremost. Second, go for family counseling and see if there are other issues that need to be resolved as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:military boarding school. you two are obviously incapable of being the sort of parents that this kid needs, and right now he needs to be knocked down a few pegs.

So, since you think I'm so incapable explain to me with your great parenting skills how you would handle this situation.

DS is doing homework, you check it and tell him you can't understand what he wrote and would like him to do it. He says f*** you I'm not re-doing because I don't care. I say that is unacceptable. He says I don't care and punches me in the arm and back. He then runs outside and comes back in garage only to turn off all the breakers in the house and smash two windows with a golf club. Next he throws an outdoor table at me followed by ripping two screens out of the windows. Last but not least he grabs two i-phones and deletes one and smashes the other one in the street.

Since you have all the answer, please explain to me how you would handle the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him tested first and foremost. Second, go for family counseling and see if there are other issues that need to be resolved as a family.

We have been in counseling for the last 6 months. Half the time he refuses to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fucking stand over him and put his nose to the grindstone.

NO other fun until his grades improve. No TV, no phone, no internet, no sports, no friends.

We tried this approach and it did not change anything. Just made him more irritable and angry, which lead to violent and destructive outbursts.
He has gotten to the point where he has gotten physical with both of us. He is large for his age.

I thought poster #1 was kidding. But OP was doing this. Tells me that OP needs to look at parenting skills. Try PEP. You are killing your kid and it's YOUR FAULT.

Really, care to explain how it is my fault> Am I supposed to just let him punch me and destroy my house.

[Anonymous]

If the neuropsych "finds" ADHD then instead of a depressed, angry teen you will have a depressed, angry teen on speed. No matter what your learning disability, no one has the right to speak this way and act this way. ADHD or learning disabilities are not an excuse for this behavior. Sure, help him out with better strategies for learning, but please don't explain away all of this with a diagnosis of ADHD or learning disabilities. A diagnosis for major depression or mental illness could be a cause though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:military boarding school. you two are obviously incapable of being the sort of parents that this kid needs, and right now he needs to be knocked down a few pegs.

So, since you think I'm so incapable explain to me with your great parenting skills how you would handle this situation.

DS is doing homework, you check it and tell him you can't understand what he wrote and would like him to do it. He says f*** you I'm not re-doing because I don't care. I say that is unacceptable. He says I don't care and punches me in the arm and back. He then runs outside and comes back in garage only to turn off all the breakers in the house and smash two windows with a golf club. Next he throws an outdoor table at me followed by ripping two screens out of the windows. Last but not least he grabs two i-phones and deletes one and smashes the other one in the street.

Since you have all the answer, please explain to me how you would handle the situation.

I'm not the person you're responding to, but if this is accurate then there's something really wrong here. Start with your family doctor or school counselor and tell them your son has serious anger management problems. This is no longer regular teenage stuff. Especially if he is tall and large, he will hurt someone and be arrested if the behavior continues.

[Anonymous]

I agree with previous post, there are legal consequences that your son may face as a result of these behaviors (i.e. arrest) and that could create some serious ramifications for his future. It's important to address these issues now, before this situation gets any worse. I wish you the best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:military boarding school. you two are obviously incapable of being the sort of parents that this kid needs, and right now he needs to be knocked down a few pegs.

So, since you think I'm so incapable explain to me with your great parenting skills how you would handle this situation.

DS is doing homework, you check it and tell him you can't understand what he wrote and would like him to do it. He says f*** you I'm not re-doing because I don't care. I say that is unacceptable. He says I don't care and punches me in the arm and back. He then runs outside and comes back in garage only to turn off all the breakers in the house and smash two windows with a golf club. Next he throws an outdoor table at me followed by ripping two screens out of the windows. Last but not least he grabs two i-phones and deletes one and smashes the other one in the street.

Since you have all the answer, please explain to me how you would handle the situation.

Your kid might need some in-patient help. His behavior goes beyond normal teenaged angst.

[Anonymous]

OP- he needs a neuropsych-- it sounds like inattentive ADHD, problems with executive functions, and anxiety/depression.

My son is almost ten with these issues and will become aggressive and oppositional over homework. Your DS is past the point where you can help him on your own.

If you discover that he does not the issues I suspect- he will need some therapy.

Either way and in the meantime, read Ross Greenes books. He talks about exactly these kinds of experiences and how to handle things.

If your son was completely typical you could be "tough love" like others suggest- my gut feeling is that if your DS is completely typical he would not be behaving this way. Ross Greene can help.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry people are being nasty. It sounds like you're doing the best you can, and since you have an even scheduled I suggest you do the best you can until then. Don't make many changes, but also do what you need to do you can stay safe. I hope you get some answers soon.

[Anonymous]

Don't take the sloppy handwriting as a sign of laziness. Some kids just really struggle with handwriting. They hate doing homework because they can barely read their own writing.

Can you teach your son to type? Ask the teacher about having your son use grid paper for math - makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

The behaviors you describe are frightening. I would worry less about the academics right now and worry about getting him to a point where you all can feel safe in your home. Have you described all these behaviors and antecedents to the psychologist doing the evaluation? Did he ever display any of these behaviors at school?
Agree that aggression and property destruction such as you describe are not typical teenage behaviors. Have you considered whether there might be substance abuse going on? (Yes even at such a young age).
Hoping you find some help and direction soon.

[Anonymous]

I find it very surprising that OP does not mention the most egregious behaviors in her first post.

OP, you are beyond thinking about academics.

You should be concerned about people, including you, being badly hurt by this teen and the consequences (death, injured for life, rape, and prison for him).

What do the doctors say about his behavior?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Therapist won't say anything until we get him tested. Does not want to speculate.

We called the police last Friday after an incident but they couldn't do much and nothing really changed.

He was supposed to go to a basketball tryout but refused to go and said he was quitting altogether. Now he will have even more free time.

Never any incidents at school or with his friends.

We have given him his phone back as we are trying to avoid anymore blow ups for testing. Checked the verizon account and he sent 963 texts today alone.