Surprised to find that my kid is the problem student, not sure how to improve

[Anonymous]

that was really crappy to show your DD the post

[Anonymous]

Gosh, I respect OP's rationale in showing her kid the post. If her friends have seen it, and the kids who might be making fun of her have seen it, shouldn't the kid see it too? Otherwise you're going in blind.

Maybe the timing wasn't right -- get the kid out of the teacher's class, first, talk to some other parents first, etc., and don't show it to your kid in an accusatory way.

But still, OP sounds like a good, involved, conscientious parent to me, and had a really great honest conversation with her daughter as a result of this whole thing that brought them even closer. Don't let these folks bring you down, OP; I think everything worked out pretty well for you and your kid, in the end.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and I would be appalled if a colleague did this. Your child may or may not have misbehaved, but it is entirely inappropriate for a teacher to do this! For one thing, the teacher is modeling horrific, disrespectful behavior, and for another, she has demonstrated that she is incapable of understanding that kids change and should not be defined by bad behavior in a previous grade (but pigeon-holing the student as a "problem" will ensure that she remains the problem). For your daughter's sake, you need to get her out of this teacher's class, and for the sake of other students, you need to show a screenshot of this unprofessional post to the principal.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you are assuming your daughter has done something wrong without any evidence except some gossip from a teacher who should not be talking about her students by name on facebook, let alone allowing it to be public! The only bad behavior you know for sure about is the teacher's, but you are rushing to castigate your daughter. If no one has disciplined her for anything big - and if they have, you should know about it - why don't you believe her? I, too, would not want my child in that person's class; she already doesn't like her! I think you should have gone to the teacher or principal with the screenshot and asked for an explanation and moving classrooms, rather than going to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you are assuming your daughter has done something wrong without any evidence except some gossip from a teacher who should not be talking about her students by name on facebook, let alone allowing it to be public! The only bad behavior you know for sure about is the teacher's, but you are rushing to castigate your daughter. If no one has disciplined her for anything big - and if they have, you should know about it - why don't you believe her? I, too, would not want my child in that person's class; she already doesn't like her! I think you should have gone to the teacher or principal with the screenshot and asked for an explanation and moving classrooms, rather than going to your daughter.

The teacher was dead wrong for what she did. But it's very unlikely she is specifically posting about Op's kid for absolutely no reason. Her child definitely has a reputation at school if this happened at all. Teacher should never have posted it but it doesn't mean Op's daughter ISN'T a "problem kid."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you are assuming your daughter has done something wrong without any evidence except some gossip from a teacher who should not be talking about her students by name on facebook, let alone allowing it to be public! The only bad behavior you know for sure about is the teacher's, but you are rushing to castigate your daughter. If no one has disciplined her for anything big - and if they have, you should know about it - why don't you believe her? I, too, would not want my child in that person's class; she already doesn't like her! I think you should have gone to the teacher or principal with the screenshot and asked for an explanation and moving classrooms, rather than going to your daughter.

The teacher was dead wrong for what she did. But it's very unlikely she is specifically posting about Op's kid for absolutely no reason. Her child definitely has a reputation at school if this happened at all. Teacher should never have posted it but it doesn't mean Op's daughter ISN'T a "problem kid."

If OP's daughter is a "problem kid" then the school should be communicating with the parents. I don't think a kid is this much of a problem and no one ever mentions? You don't think it's possible for an adult to develop an unreasonable dislike of a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you are assuming your daughter has done something wrong without any evidence except some gossip from a teacher who should not be talking about her students by name on facebook, let alone allowing it to be public! The only bad behavior you know for sure about is the teacher's, but you are rushing to castigate your daughter. If no one has disciplined her for anything big - and if they have, you should know about it - why don't you believe her? I, too, would not want my child in that person's class; she already doesn't like her! I think you should have gone to the teacher or principal with the screenshot and asked for an explanation and moving classrooms, rather than going to your daughter.

The teacher was dead wrong for what she did. But it's very unlikely she is specifically posting about Op's kid for absolutely no reason. Her child definitely has a reputation at school if this happened at all. Teacher should never have posted it but it doesn't mean Op's daughter ISN'T a "problem kid."

oh I don't know. maybe the teacher is a problem teacher. you just don't know without all the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher and I would be appalled if a colleague did this. Your child may or may not have misbehaved, but it is entirely inappropriate for a teacher to do this! For one thing, the teacher is modeling horrific, disrespectful behavior, and for another, she has demonstrated that she is incapable of understanding that kids change and should not be defined by bad behavior in a previous grade (but pigeon-holing the student as a "problem" will ensure that she remains the problem). For your daughter's sake, you need to get her out of this teacher's class, and for the sake of other students, you need to show a screenshot of this unprofessional post to the principal.

Former teacher here. I agree. Very, very unprofessional.
IMO, it is teachers like this that give the profession a bad name.

I cannot imagine posting anything negative about teaching, not to mention specific students.
How horrible of this teacher. Destroying relationships before even developing them. Shame on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go sit down with the principal. Your kid should not be in that woman's class.

I agree

+1000.

You sound really sweet and in sure the apple doesn't fall from the tree. I feel bad for your daughter but I'm glad that you believe her and on her side.

I would have her moved ASAP and show the principal the post.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your daughter out of that teacher's class and report the teacher for misconduct. It's too late now, but I would not have shown my daughter or told my daughter about a post going around on Facebook about her. How horrible for your daughter to know that she is fodder for gossip among your friends. Also, I would not attack my child because of some gossip on FB. Give your child the benefit of the doubt. If there truly was a problem with your child in school, the school would have notified you. It truly is despicable what that teacher did. She should be fired.

Absolutely all of this.

And I really think there was a better way for you to ask your child about this without showing her. That was cruel.

I absolutely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4. You should not have shown your daughter the posting. That was terrible of you.

Thank you for your thoughts and I agree with the first three points you have made. But for the fourth comment, I am surprised to see this keep being mentioned. Why would I hide something like this from her, that I know some of her friends have already seen and the only reason she didn't see it is because I was really strict about not getting her a Facebook account until the first grading period after she is 13? It is unfortunate but now that something was said about her in public she already has the reputation. To know what people are saying about you and if there are any scandals or rumors is in my opinion the only way to be prepared to handle the situation. This way she knows to be very careful around that teacher and also is not blindsided if anyone of her peers says something to her about it.

Would it really have been better of me to not let her know this was going on? My mother always told me any gossip or impressions about me when I was growing up so that I could change my behavior to mitigate the damage and so that I would not react like I was shocked if any of the girls made fun of me for anything. Perhaps this, too, is a wrong approach that I need to reconsider?

Personally, I can understand you having a talk with her about her behavior. You can say ask her if she has been having problems in a given teacher's class. You can say that the teacher has made some negative comments and you want your daughter's side before you speak to the principal and teacher about the comments. Then you do that. You set up a meeting and discuss the situation with the teacher and principal. Regardless of whether the teacher's comments were true or not, you need to ensure that the principal sees how serious the breach of teacher-student privacy is, especially on public social media and that some significant discipline is enacted. You should also make arrangements to remove your daughter from that class. Last, after you have assurances on those counts, you can discuss the teacher's perspective on your child and ask for some examples of the issues that the teacher has so that you can address them with your daughter. After you determine whether the comments were accurate or not, you can reconsider whether to show the comments to your daughter. You want to wait to show any such comments to your daughter until after you can determine whether the comments were right or not and after you can tell your daughter the repercussions to the teacher. As a teen in a completely unequal relationship, such as teacher-student, the teen has to feel protected. You have to show that you did your due diligence and determined if you thought there was merit to the accusations before you actually show such accusations to your child. Teens are emotionally unstable and you cannot show a teen such an accusation without knowing whether it is true or not, and whether there is any repercussion for the teacher otherwise, you really enhance the powerlessness of her situation and victimize your child. The way you handled it, there is no rebuttal for her. You made her seem guilty until proven innocent and you made it seem as if the teacher's word had more weight than hers. You, as the parent, need to be her protector. If she is wrong, you do have to address it, but until proven guilty, you need to be her defender not join forces with her teacher to be her accuser.

Does that help you see why so many people are jumping on you for showing your daughter the posting before you did any parental research?

[Anonymous]

So this teacher was somehow offended by your daughter and instead of discussing it with you or your daughter, she exercises colossal poor judgment and acts like a major idiot by posting a shitty comment about your daughter on Facebook.

Your daughter gets good grades and you aren't aware of any discipline problems she has.

So...you believe the teacher? What what? Have you even met this teacher? Maybe she has an unreasonable bias against your daughter/maybe she's crazy. Until you know the situation, I think it was pretty unfair for you to line up against your daughter.

I had a teacher once who hated me...fortunately my mother believed me and scheduled a meeting with the teacher and principal to get to the bottom of the situation. In the meeting, the teacher blew up and screamed at my mom and the principle that she disliked me because (as a girl) I had no business always getting perfect scores on all my assignments and outdoing the boys in my class. She was fired. Sometimes teachers are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Aside from the fact that posting is the most unprofessional thing ever, are you sure it's the kid the teacher is complaining about? I could very easily see a teacher not being happy about having students X,Y and Z because the teacher didn't want to have to deal with their parents! Could you have a reputation at the school for being over-involved, helicopterish, or difficult?

[Anonymous]

Are you the problem?

[Anonymous]

OP I think you have had a hard time of it here. I really admire your willingness to take the criticism that has been dished out and use the experience to ask what you could be doing better as a parent. None of us are perfect but I can tell you really care. Good on you.