Reply to Surprised to find that my kid is the problem student, not sure how to improve

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]4. [b]You should not have shown your daughter the posting. That was terrible of you.[/b][/quote]

Thank you for your thoughts and I agree with the first three points you have made. But for the fourth comment, I am surprised to see this keep being mentioned. Why would I hide something like this from her, that I know some of her friends have already seen and the only reason she didn't see it is because I was really strict about not getting her a Facebook account until the first grading period after she is 13? It is unfortunate but now that something was said about her in public she already has the reputation. To know what people are saying about you and if there are any scandals or rumors is in my opinion the only way to be prepared to handle the situation. This way she knows to be very careful around that teacher and also is not blindsided if anyone of her peers says something to her about it.

Would it really have been better of me to not let her know this was going on? My mother always told me any gossip or impressions about me when I was growing up so that I could change my behavior to mitigate the damage and so that I would not react like I was shocked if any of the girls made fun of me for anything. Perhaps this, too, is a wrong approach that I need to reconsider?[/quote]

Personally, I can understand you having a talk with her about her behavior.  You can say ask her if she has been having problems in a given teacher's class.  You can say that the teacher has made some negative comments and you want your daughter's side before you speak to the principal and teacher about the comments.  Then you do that.   You set up a meeting and discuss the situation with the teacher and principal.  Regardless of whether the teacher's comments were true or not, you need to ensure that the principal sees how serious the breach of teacher-student privacy is, especially on public social media and that some significant discipline is enacted.  You should also make arrangements to remove your daughter from that class.  Last, after you have assurances on those counts, you can discuss the teacher's perspective on your child and ask for some examples of the issues that the teacher has so that you can address them with your daughter.  After you determine whether the comments were accurate or not, you can reconsider whether to show the comments to your daughter.  You want to wait to show any such comments to your daughter until after you can determine whether the comments were right or not and after you can tell your daughter the repercussions to the teacher.  As a teen in a completely unequal relationship, such as teacher-student, the teen has to feel protected.  You have to show that you did your  due diligence and determined if you thought there was merit to the accusations before you actually show such accusations to your child.  Teens are emotionally unstable and you cannot show a teen such an accusation without knowing whether it is true or not, and whether there is any repercussion for the teacher otherwise, you really enhance the powerlessness of her situation and victimize your child.  The way you handled it, there is no rebuttal for her.  You made her seem guilty until proven innocent and you made it seem as if the teacher's word had more weight than hers.  You, as the parent, need to be her protector.  If she is wrong, you do have to address it, but until proven guilty, you need to be her defender not join forces with her teacher to be her accuser.

Does that help you see why so many people are jumping on you for showing your daughter the posting before you did any parental research?[/quote]

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