What to do about affair trigger?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps she still wears that specific scent because it thoroughly reminds her of the affair.

Regardless....She is being selfish by still wearing that perfume.

It must feel like a slap in the face each time you inhale that scent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps she still wears that specific scent because it thoroughly reminds her of the affair.

Regardless....She is being selfish by still wearing that perfume.

It must feel like a slap in the face each time you inhale that scent.

Perhaps. But there are always triggers after a great betrayal like this. One trigger gets worked out, and another one pops up. This is why most people end up divorced after betrayals - sometimes right away, but often years later.

Who knows if she even knows/cares about her perfume. We do know what she thought about OP and her marriage vows, however. It doesn't bode well for a good future for these two.

OP, I'm sorry. I didn't read all the replies so I don't know if you're in therapy. You should be. I guarantee that you'll end up divorced after therapy, however. If you self-esteem is high enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her.

+1

Of course. But he doesn't sound ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her.

+1

Of course. But he doesn't sound ready.

+ another 1. Why are you even with her unless she makes a lot of money and that is your priority?

[Anonymous]

For god's sake. What self respecting man posts something like this on DCUM. Leave that piece of trash, already.

[Anonymous]

If y'all don't have kids you need to leave.

She has shown you more than once now she doesn't respect you.

If you do have kids you need to get serious about moving on no more Mr. Nice Guy. The perfume goes today and you start counseling next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For god's sake. What self respecting man posts something like this on DCUM. Leave that piece of trash, already.

Spoken by someone who has a ton of experience with this sort of situation, clearly....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her.

+1

Of course. But he doesn't sound ready.

+ another 1. Why are you even with her unless she makes a lot of money and that is your priority?

You can't imagine any other reason a spouse might want to remain married besides money? Kids? Love? Fear of being alone?

Anyway, I would tell your wife that she needs to throw out the perfume. End of discussion. If she refuses, I agree it's time to think about splitting.

[Anonymous]

If you've talked about it more than once and she refuses to stop wearing the perfume, you have your answer, OP.

The amount of disrespect in that choice is truly phenomenal.

I have a signature scent I've worn since maturity, and I would drop it in an instance given your circumstances. I cannot imagine holding onto the perfume if my marriage were at stake unless I was actively looking to wreck it.

[Anonymous]

^^^^
Ugh. Instant, not instance.

[Anonymous]

Put your foot down and throw that shit out. Then tell her its time for her to choose a new perfume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP whatever negative emotion that scent instigates...anger, sadness, insecurity, suspicion...don't run from it, don't crumble underneath the weight of it, and don't try and pretend like its not there. Instead take all that negative energy that scent incites within you and unleash all that pent up passion and anger and frustration on your wife in the bedroom in the backseat in a stairwell in a back alley behind restaurant, wherever. Two birds with one stone - 1) you no longer suffer the emasculation of that scent reminding you of her infidelity or your inadequacy because you redefine it for both of you and 2) you no longer have to worry about your wife so much as thinking about straying again because the spontaneity and carnality of your new response to her wearing that perfume will have you two f__king like newlyweds again.

This is the worst advice I've ever read on DCUM, which says a lot.

Nor does PP have a bright future as a romance novelist. Barf.