Disagreement with Husband, how would you handle it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some age you're too old to do the UHaul, friends and pizza thing. How old is he? Is he expecting you to move the furniture or is he recruiting some friend or relative?

Amen. Adults don't ask their friends to help them move.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He can totally do it if you help. DH and I have moved ourselves before and hired movers. Both ways are a pain, take longer than you expect and cost more than you plan. Personally I prefer your DH's way. Moving slowly over a few days also gives you time to unpack/set up over there.

This is what we did.
DH rented a uhaul and we moved ourselves. DH asked 2 of his best friends to help him carry the big stuff. His friends were fine with that. They've been friends forever that's just what friends do. It helped we had beer and pizza for lunch.

We used a hand-cart a lot which helped move the large boxes faster too.

+1. Never had movers. Of course, I (the female) didn't complain and pitched in and helped. I'm not above that.

You guys are just like our former neighbors who claimed "we never hire movers" when what they meant was "we're going to ask all of you to waste a Saturday helping us move instead." None of the husbands wanted to say no but nobody wants to waste a weekend day helping adults move so they can save $350. If you can afford a new house, you can afford hourly movers. Pizza is not a prize. We can buy our own pizza for $15 and no hard labor.

You don't sound like you have a whole lot of friends.

I have plenty. I work too damn hard during the week to help cheapskates drag their shit around town because they don't want to pay for movers. I have other stuff I can be doing. You can pretend your friends are cool with pizza and beer for hard labor but if you're over 30, they're not, they're just doing it to be nice and because saying no is awkward.

I have plenty of friends and money. I don't need to ask for help, but when I have a friend that needs to ask for help I am not insufferable like you are. You have acquaintances that will not be there for you when shit hits the fan. Very different than having friends.

If OP is moving from a $800K house to a $1.2M that is one thing. But if they need to save <$500 good friends would help.

[Anonymous]

Movers are always worth it.
The only thing worth more is not pissing off your husband.

Personally *I* would not be moving furniture. But if DH thinks he can handle that or has a friend to help, let him do what he wants. Support him by moving smaller items yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can totally do it if you help. DH and I have moved ourselves before and hired movers. Both ways are a pain, take longer than you expect and cost more than you plan. Personally I prefer your DH's way. Moving slowly over a few days also gives you time to unpack/set up over there.

This is what we did.
DH rented a uhaul and we moved ourselves. DH asked 2 of his best friends to help him carry the big stuff. His friends were fine with that. They've been friends forever that's just what friends do. It helped we had beer and pizza for lunch.

We used a hand-cart a lot which helped move the large boxes faster too.

+1. Never had movers. Of course, I (the female) didn't complain and pitched in and helped. I'm not above that.

You guys are just like our former neighbors who claimed "we never hire movers" when what they meant was "we're going to ask all of you to waste a Saturday helping us move instead." None of the husbands wanted to say no but nobody wants to waste a weekend day helping adults move so they can save $350. If you can afford a new house, you can afford hourly movers. Pizza is not a prize. We can buy our own pizza for $15 and no hard labor.

You don't sound like you have a whole lot of friends.

I have plenty. I work too damn hard during the week to help cheapskates drag their shit around town because they don't want to pay for movers. I have other stuff I can be doing. You can pretend your friends are cool with pizza and beer for hard labor but if you're over 30, they're not, they're just doing it to be nice and because saying no is awkward.

I have plenty of friends and money. I don't need to ask for help, but when I have a friend that needs to ask for help I am not insufferable like you are. You have acquaintances that will not be there for you when shit hits the fan. Very different than having friends.

If OP is moving from a $800K house to a $1.2M that is one thing. But if they need to save <$500 good friends would help.

I know you want this to be true, but it isn't. And I'm happy to do things like bring a meal when you're sick or have a baby, show up for your mom's funeral, send you a nice letter when you're having a hard time, take your kid for a few hours when you're in a pinch, take you out for a drink when you had a shitty day and need to vent. I'm not a bad person because I think it's tacky to expect your busy friends and neighbors to help you move. Put it in your budget and pay for it. Would you ask your friends to come help you restain your deck or steam clean your couches or replace a toilet or give your house a deep clean in exchange for a beer and slice of pizza ? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

I've moved more times than I can count, but only hired movers for my most recent (and hopefully last - at least for a while!) move.

Get the movers. Movers are so, so worth it. If you're in the DC area, there are also cheaper companies, if your DH is concerned about the quoted price.

But seriously. Get the movers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can totally do it if you help. DH and I have moved ourselves before and hired movers. Both ways are a pain, take longer than you expect and cost more than you plan. Personally I prefer your DH's way. Moving slowly over a few days also gives you time to unpack/set up over there.

This is what we did.
DH rented a uhaul and we moved ourselves. DH asked 2 of his best friends to help him carry the big stuff. His friends were fine with that. They've been friends forever that's just what friends do. It helped we had beer and pizza for lunch.

We used a hand-cart a lot which helped move the large boxes faster too.

+1. Never had movers. Of course, I (the female) didn't complain and pitched in and helped. I'm not above that.

You guys are just like our former neighbors who claimed "we never hire movers" when what they meant was "we're going to ask all of you to waste a Saturday helping us move instead." None of the husbands wanted to say no but nobody wants to waste a weekend day helping adults move so they can save $350. If you can afford a new house, you can afford hourly movers. Pizza is not a prize. We can buy our own pizza for $15 and no hard labor.

You don't sound like you have a whole lot of friends.

I have plenty. I work too damn hard during the week to help cheapskates drag their shit around town because they don't want to pay for movers. I have other stuff I can be doing. You can pretend your friends are cool with pizza and beer for hard labor but if you're over 30, they're not, they're just doing it to be nice and because saying no is awkward.

I have plenty of friends and money. I don't need to ask for help, but when I have a friend that needs to ask for help I am not insufferable like you are. You have acquaintances that will not be there for you when shit hits the fan. Very different than having friends.

If OP is moving from a $800K house to a $1.2M that is one thing. But if they need to save <$500 good friends would help.

I know you want this to be true, but it isn't. And I'm happy to do things like bring a meal when you're sick or have a baby, show up for your mom's funeral, send you a nice letter when you're having a hard time, take your kid for a few hours when you're in a pinch, take you out for a drink when you had a shitty day and need to vent. I'm not a bad person because I think it's tacky to expect your busy friends and neighbors to help you move. Put it in your budget and pay for it. Would you ask your friends to come help you restain your deck or steam clean your couches or replace a toilet or give your house a deep clean in exchange for a beer and slice of pizza ? Probably not.

I totally agree with you and I don't think you're a bad person.

[Anonymous]

$350 is really cheap. I wouldn't want to help a friend move and hurt my back just so they could save $350. And I'm someone who has moved myself fairly often. Last time we moved our parents (4) all came to help but we still hired movers for the furniture and boxes. Parents were great at packing and unpacking. We didn't ask for their help though, they just showed up.

DH helps friends cut down trees and fix their cars but moving is too strenuous.

[Anonymous]

Is it worth it to pay the movers ...heck yes and say this as someone that is frugal. I also agree with the PP that said past a certain age (and with real furniture) it isn't cool to ask your friends to help move for pizza and beer. Our parents are in their 70's and could hurt themselves helping. Our friends are in their 40's and barely have free time on the weekends with all their own family responsibilities.

How to get DH on board, that's tough. The only compromise I can think of is he has to move the heavy stuff over with enough time that you can hire someone if that doesn't work out. That may mean you spend the uhaul money plus movers and may need to be flexible to be squeezed in somewhat last minute with movers but thats the best compromise. While not at the level of moving, when we have had appliances break, DH will sometimes try to fix it himself. We agree it is worth up to maybe $100 to have the possibility of foregoing having to spend maybe nearly $1000 (realizing we could end up overall spending more by making this attempt). We have a backup plan, i.e what if our attempt to "save" money isn't working and agree on a timeframe of how long before we need to go to plan B/be inconvenienced while seeing if plan A will pan out.

[Anonymous]

OP here, Thank you all for taking the time to respond! Yes, we are a couple under 40 (but older than 35) and in the past we used to ask our friends for help now, it is true, we all have families and things to do. Times have changed! but is all good.
DH wanted to do it all on his own, including the heavy stuff that is why we got into an argument yesterday because, due to previous experiences, I know he feels he can do things but when times comes he realizes he can't and then we have to find help in a rush. So, I said no to the "2 guys and truck" for $120 per hour and recruited the maintenance guy at my workplace who would help DH with the heavy stuff. He has a truck and says he will do it although he didn't tell me a price just said: "I won't charge you a lot".
DH and I will begin packing this weekend and will take care of the not so heavy stuff.
I hope everything goes well!!
Thanks again.