Growing tension with daycare providers- what to do

[Anonymous]

OP sounds overly sensitive and also like she's trying to build a case (probably with herself first, and then DH) to stay home. Oh, this daycare is terrible, we have to leave, whoopsie can't find a new one, or the new one is also bad, whoopsie, I need to quit my job.

If you want to quit, just quit. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds overly sensitive and also like she's trying to build a case (probably with herself first, and then DH) to stay home. Oh, this daycare is terrible, we have to leave, whoopsie can't find a new one, or the new one is also bad, whoopsie, I need to quit my job.

If you want to quit, just quit. No one cares.

OMG please. You don't need to "build a case" to stay home with a baby and a toddler. You are an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds overly sensitive and also like she's trying to build a case (probably with herself first, and then DH) to stay home. Oh, this daycare is terrible, we have to leave, whoopsie can't find a new one, or the new one is also bad, whoopsie, I need to quit my job.

If you want to quit, just quit. No one cares.

OMG please. You don't need to "build a case" to stay home with a baby and a toddler. You are an asshole.

You do if your partner doesn't agree that it's needed.

[Anonymous]

As a provider and a mom this is my advice. Please take it with knowing that I mean well from both sides...

It sounds like they love your child, which is the goal. They clearly have a problem with you and have come to consensus on not liking you. As they care for your child each day, I understand that you want to have a good relationship. You all have clearly disagreed about parenting your child and this is not negotiable. Although they children spend days with other caregivers, they are YOUR children and your say is all that matters.

As a caregiver, I talk to parents and advice them when asked. If they don't follow the advice, no problem. I understand that they are the parents and have to live with their decisions. Our time with children is limited as caregivers and we should know our place as temporary fill ins. With that said, you need to repair the relationship. Do not remove your child from a room because the adults are having an issue. Figure out a way to address the ladies in the room, even if you have to call them all over at the same time. Be upfront, be honest, and be respectful. They seem to be doing a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a provider and a mom this is my advice. Please take it with knowing that I mean well from both sides...

It sounds like they love your child, which is the goal. They clearly have a problem with you and have come to consensus on not liking you. As they care for your child each day, I understand that you want to have a good relationship. You all have clearly disagreed about parenting your child and this is not negotiable. Although they children spend days with other caregivers, they are YOUR children and your say is all that matters.

As a caregiver, I talk to parents and advice them when asked. If they don't follow the advice, no problem. I understand that they are the parents and have to live with their decisions. Our time with children is limited as caregivers and we should know our place as temporary fill ins. With that said, you need to repair the relationship. Do not remove your child from a room because the adults are having an issue. Figure out a way to address the ladies in the room, even if you have to call them all over at the same time. Be upfront, be honest, and be respectful. They seem to be doing a good job.

Not OP, but this is sound advice. Thanks! We all can learn from this.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they don't like you for whatever reason (how they didn't gush to you about the baby, not listening to you about nursing)

I think you should stay home (you did mention you wanted to)or get a nanny. I think a nanny is more likely and able to be more in synch with a mom then a daycare provider, because a provider also needs to care for other kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is really hard to deal with passive aggressiveness from a care provider. But I also think these folks are taking care of your child all day so they probably feel like they are giving it their best and that they are hearing sensing some criticism on your part. And they just don't feel like being criticized. And you don't either. And it's sort of spiraled a bit into a negative cycle. I would identify your top priorities- mine would be making sure they never put my child on her tummy until I authorize it. And then once you have gotten any super serious issues out there, then I would spend a few weeks giving them some positive feedback even if it is really hard for you. Try to create a positive relationship even if it is tough. Then after a few weeks or a month of really trying hard, then reevaluate.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound a bit high maintenance, can you imagine if all the Moms wanted to pop in and out during the day to nurse their kids?
Our daycare told us that there were a few parents that would give their kids food that they knew they wouldnt eat at home, just to see if they would eat it at daycare. They said it happens quite frequently. This makes it harder on the daycare workers and not really fair on the kid either. That may be why they question you on that if he didnt like something.
If your kid seems constipated while he is there that may be why they suggested prunes/prune juice.
I would really try and take a step back. Pump during the day if you want to, but don't rush over there to nurse when they have a schedule and a plan for the day.

I nursed my baby every day at lunchtime for six months. I had a set time when I would arrive, and if the baby got hungry earlier, the staff would call me to see if I could come earlier. They had no problem with it. But it would have been much harder if I hadn't had a schedule and was popping in at random times.

I do wonder if OP has been putting out the vibe that she already knows everything, this isn't her first kid, she doesn't need their advice, etc. Or gets defensive when they ask questions or make suggestions. Because I can see this creating a bad dynamic--they make a suggestion, based on their experience and what's normal in that infant room; OP reacts defensively or know-it-all; they get annoyed and behave in a passive-aggressive manner, she gets annoyed, and every little incident feeds into this on both sides.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you chatted with the director? (And do you like and trust the director?)

I think I might start there. Tell her you seem to have gotten to a bad place with the teachers, you've felt like they have been second guessing you, but you also sense that they have some problem with you, and that you'd like to fix it and aren't sure how.

Start and end with praise for the center, how they've done a good job with your first, and you're just not sure how things got off track in this baby room.

See what the director says. She may be able to give you some advice and context.