Growing tension with daycare providers- what to do

[Anonymous]

So now we are shaming this mother? This is just gross. She shared her thoughts and feelings with us and you all slam her for being "high maintenance" She didn't ask for opinions on your view of her.
It is her baby. She is paying them. She shouldn't be treated this way. I would start to question if how they feel about you would start rubbing of on how they treat your baby. I don't think you sound high maintenance. I think you sound frustrated and concerned. And I would be too. They shouldn't be arguing with you day in and day out about the same things over and over, or anything for that matter.
Bottom line is you pay them to care for your child. Yes, they have routines and things are done a certain way but in regards to the individual child, the parents should be making those calls, and not have to take crap for them.

[Anonymous]

Not shaming the mother, but at some point she should realize she's the common denominator. If it were just one provider, maybe it is a personality thing. But all three providers? She's very high maintenance and it is clear the providers are dammed if they do and dammed if they don't.

[Anonymous]

Daycare lady here - yes there are parents who we feel "damned if we do, damned if we don't" - they will always find something to complain about. ALWAYS. So avoiding communication becomes the strategy on dealing with them. While the OP's post didn't really indicate that she is a chronic complainer this is a good explanation for the treatment she is getting. My advice to the OP is if you feel your children are in good care just go to work and let the daycare people do their jobs. Don't make it about you - you are not the baby. Keep the relationship between yourself and the daycare teachers businesslike and professional. They don't want to take care of you. They want to take care of the baby. That's their job. Period.

[Anonymous]

OP, all of the things you mentioned would bother me, too, and I don't think you sound high maintenance fwiw. If you want to try to make it work, can your husband take over more of these interactions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This incredibly long post leads me to believe you may be very high-maintenance. And I say this as a longtime daycare mom. Yes, it's your kid, but when you work with providers you need to work together. They've dealt with many more kids than you have and their suggestions on feeding etc may be valid. It sounds like you may be dismissing them and they're picking up on that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So now we are shaming this mother? This is just gross. She shared her thoughts and feelings with us and you all slam her for being "high maintenance" She didn't ask for opinions on your view of her.
It is her baby. She is paying them. She shouldn't be treated this way. I would start to question if how they feel about you would start rubbing of on how they treat your baby. I don't think you sound high maintenance. I think you sound frustrated and concerned. And I would be too. They shouldn't be arguing with you day in and day out about the same things over and over, or anything for that matter.
Bottom line is you pay them to care for your child. Yes, they have routines and things are done a certain way but in regards to the individual child, the parents should be making those calls, and not have to take crap for them.

If you have a Nanny you get to call the shots. If your kid is in a daycare ctr then you don't.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes felt this way, in my otherwise excellent infant room. The way I reacted was I chose my battles. I didn't want them feeding my son an hour before I picked him up, and I put my foot down on that. I was able to be consistent. They wanted larger volume of bottles, I said no, we're good. If he is having trouble growing or constantly fussy (rather than, "he wants more when we finish" for a minute) we'd address it, but since he was consistently 99th %ile, I never went above 3-4oz per feed. We were slow with solids because he mostly rejected them.

I also asked them for a lot of advice. I conceded to a lot of Stuff that wasn't as critical.for.me. I worked on my personal relationship with the providers. I used to nurse at.pickup and listen to the teachers.

Granted, I only had 1, and the ship mat have sailed on your relationship, but I'd advise: show vulnerability and choose your battles.

[Anonymous]

You are making their lives more difficult with this bottle/brestfeeding business. They are trying to stick to a schedule and don't have time for this kind of stuff. You have obviously already rubbed them the wrong way. You may be paying a lot for the center but they don't make much and feel you are not treating them with enough respect. Not trying to shame you - based on what you wrote they don't fully trust you and are trying very hard not to engage you. Don't think having a sit down with the director is going to change their feelings towards you. I would switch rooms for a fresh start. And definitely let the director know about the tummy sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound a bit high maintenance, can you imagine if all the Moms wanted to pop in and out during the day to nurse their kids?
Our daycare told us that there were a few parents that would give their kids food that they knew they wouldnt eat at home, just to see if they would eat it at daycare. They said it happens quite frequently. This makes it harder on the daycare workers and not really fair on the kid either. That may be why they question you on that if he didnt like something.
If your kid seems constipated while he is there that may be why they suggested prunes/prune juice.
I would really try and take a step back. Pump during the day if you want to, but don't rush over there to nurse when they have a schedule and a plan for the day.

It's her child and the providers should welcome her visiting as its better for the child and that's what matters.
The best day area are at people job sites and they welcome parental visits as, again, that is what's best for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are making their lives more difficult with this bottle/brestfeeding business. They are trying to stick to a schedule and don't have time for this kind of stuff. You have obviously already rubbed them the wrong way. You may be paying a lot for the center but they don't make much and feel you are not treating them with enough respect. Not trying to shame you - based on what you wrote they don't fully trust you and are trying very hard not to engage you. Don't think having a sit down with the director is going to change their feelings towards you. I would switch rooms for a fresh start. And definitely let the director know about the tummy sleeping.

Geez, OP, this is a baby factory. It's not about your kid but about the providers and their needs.
No way would I tolerate that kind of environment.
Can you get a nanny until they are preschool age?
My guess would be that this 'center' is cheaper and probably DH sees the bottom line and strongly wants this, but this is awful.
Tell DH that this cannot continue.
A nanny or a home day care with just a few kids and one caregiver?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not shaming the mother, but at some point she should realize she's the common denominator. If it were just one provider, maybe it is a personality thing. But all three providers? She's very high maintenance and it is clear the providers are dammed if they do and dammed if they don't.

The OP had no problem with her other child's providers.

[Anonymous]

They sound like they think they are smarter than you, OP. Life is short. Find a new center.

[Anonymous]

TL;DR which leads me to believe the mom is high strung and the daycare providers definitely don't like her. This is NOT shaming the mom, it's just giving an explanation for what is going on. Switch centers, OP, find something that's more rigid and to your liking.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- I've worked for a few micromanaging/complaining moms and I just give them the basics info because the more I talk, the more they have to complain about. You are the mom and you know what's best for your baby. But you also need to let go and trust the people who are actually with your baby all day long. You can't make the choice to be working mom and leave your baby with someone else, and then complain about everything. I feel bad for you and personally I'd change rooms. You deserve to have people caring for your baby who respect you and your parenting choices. But at the same time, as someone who cares for the kids of working moms, it's hard to deal with parents like you.

[Anonymous]

Nanny again- Forgot to mention that starting and stopping the bottle mid feed is ridiculous. Your poor baby would have been screaming for food until you arrive, then you'd complain about that too. This is not about you. Daycare was doing what is best for your baby and not your whim of hey I feel like breastfeeding right now. Your baby is in group care which means there is a group schedule for all the babies. If you want your own special schedule pay for it and get a nanny.