Waiting to have kids?

[Anonymous]

OP, this is how I felt. I was younger, though, so age wasn't a concern. DH wanted kids - LOTS of kids - and I was ambivalent about having any. We agreed, tentatively, on 2 - I wanted 1, but he did not want to have an only child.

When we decided to start TTC and I stopped taking birth control, I did so thinking that I would have some time to ease into the idea of pregnancy and motherhood. I got pregnant on the first cycle. DH took a picture of me after I took the test and the look on my face is pretty priceless.

I got used to it. Fortunately, it was an easy pregnancy and DD was an easy baby. Being a mom came a lot more naturally to me than being an aunt or a babysitter (things that always felt fairly awkward). I'm not super mom - not great with playing make believe games, getting down on the floor with babies, doing crafts, etc., but pretty great anyway.

[Anonymous]

You may never feel ready, OP. I never did. I kept waiting, thinking that I would feel ready at some point and that I would somehow know with 100% certainty when I was ready. But it never happened. If I hadn't gotten pregnant by surprise at age 35 (we were not trying), I don't know if I ever would have felt ready enough to pull the trigger. Once I got over the initial shock of finding out I was pregnant, I haven't looked back. It's been awesome. Expecting our second in about a month. And not surprisingly, I hemmed and hawed about whether to have a second, too, I wasn't sure if I was ready!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want more than one -- then time to get started. You are already considered "advanced maternal age" by doctors and will require all sorts of extra tests during your pregnancy. It could take 6 months to get pregnant (if all goes well, no miscarriage, etc.), then 9 months before you deliver, and it will take at least 6 months before you could start trying for a 2nd. Your odds of a successful pregnancy drop 15% every year from 35 onwards. Get to it!

Source? This would mean that every child born to a 42-year-old is a miracle of science ...

Not the PP, but here's a graph.

So, if she waits a year, she goes from an 18% chance per month to a 17% chance at age 36. At age 20 she only had a 20% chance, per this chart. And OP has frozen embryos. She has this time, but if after whatever agreed-upon 6-months-to-a-year period she's still hemming and hawing, then she and her husband need to make some big decisions.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's my story. I always wanted kids in a hypothetical sense - I liked them when I babysat or held my cousin's kids. But when it became time to "try" or pick a date to try, I was a bit ambivalent. (I was around your age, 34). And definitely a little worried and scared about what it mean.

It took me 5 months to get pregnant, and then I had a miscarriage, and even then I still felt a bit ambivalent. Then I got pregnant again and became a mother. A dozen years in, it is the single best thing I've ever done in my life. And I say this as someone who is an adventurous traveler and who has a somewhat impressive career, so it's not as if I don't have any other accomplishments.

For me, I think it takes me awhile to adjust to change, and that's why I felt the way I did in my mid-30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want more than one -- then time to get started. You are already considered "advanced maternal age" by doctors and will require all sorts of extra tests during your pregnancy. It could take 6 months to get pregnant (if all goes well, no miscarriage, etc.), then 9 months before you deliver, and it will take at least 6 months before you could start trying for a 2nd. Your odds of a successful pregnancy drop 15% every year from 35 onwards. Get to it!

Source? This would mean that every child born to a 42-year-old is a miracle of science ...

Not the PP, but here's a graph.

So, if she waits a year, she goes from an 18% chance per month to a 17% chance at age 36. At age 20 she only had a 20% chance, per this chart. And OP has frozen embryos. She has this time, but if after whatever agreed-upon 6-months-to-a-year period she's still hemming and hawing, then she and her husband need to make some big decisions.

Don't let people freak you out. I had first at 38 and 2nd at 41. Bit conceived naturally with no assisted fertility.

[Anonymous]

I LOVED the four years of marriage me and my DH had together kid-free. In total, we were together and/or married for 10 years before kids, and it was AWESOME. We traveled the world, moved three times (different states) and had a blast. I always recommend people at least hold off one year prior to kids, since the word changes once you bring a kid. You are never again that foot-loose (ie last minute three week trip to Thailand, alas, can't happen until kiddos leave the nest).

BUT, we got married at 27--- so my calculus is difference since I was done having kids at 35 (first at 31 second at 34). I love our pre-kid freedom, don't regret it one second. But look forward to having them get older so we can have more of our freedoms back.

[Anonymous]

You're too old to wait any longer unless you just don't want kids, which is also a totally valid choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In my book, the only time to have a baby is when you can't NOT have a baby. You need to be fully onboard. Take the year.

I disagree. I was fine never having kids when I got pregnant. It's not black and white for everyone, and it really shouldn't be because there's a lot to consider.

[Anonymous]

We were together for 18 yrs before we had our kid. Had ALOT of fun while child free and I got pregnant within 6 months without help except with an ovulation monitor at 41. Kid is now 9 and we are retired.

It worked out great for us. Do what will work for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH wants kids ASAP. I want to wait 6 months to a year before I get pregnant. I am really loving my independence and job and being a fabulous 35 year old. Is that a huge mistake? Will I look back one day and wish I had done it sooner? I'm not a huge kid person and while I do want them, I'm just can't get that excited about it.

OP, I was you exactly, although I'd been married for a little longer.

I knew I wanted to have a baby, but I wasn't "that excited" either. I was scared about all the typical things -- will I be a good mom? What will happen to my marriage? Let's not even get into the whole "what ifs" -- what if I have twins? What if my child has a health problem? How will I juggle a job and a family? Will I ever have time to myself again?

Since you know you want a kid, just do it. Time is going to go by whether you do it now or not. It sounds like you and DH have your stuff together.

[Anonymous]

6 months to a year isn't a HUGE deal. Just keep in mind there are factors other than egg age in one'sability to carry a pregnancy, so your frozen embryos are no guarantee. Not trying to project or freak you out but it took us 3 years to finally carry a pregnancy to term (started at 30) and eggs were not a problem. At the least it's worth considering with a Dr whether the health issues you mentioned could be problematic in terms of carrying a pregnancy.