Waiting to have kids?

[Anonymous]

DH wants kids ASAP. I want to wait 6 months to a year before I get pregnant. I am really loving my independence and job and being a fabulous 35 year old. Is that a huge mistake? Will I look back one day and wish I had done it sooner? I'm not a huge kid person and while I do want them, I'm just can't get that excited about it.

[Anonymous]

If it's something you want, you don't wait until you feel ready, you just do it.

If you wait and have trouble, you may never forgive yourself. You're not 25 and prematurely ending your "freedom" -- you're a 35-year-old who has presumably enjoyed what childfree life has to offer and wants children. Go for it. At your age, you are considered "advanced maternal age," and are at greater risk of not being able to conceive. Even a year can mean the difference between having a baby naturally and not.

[Anonymous]

I mean this as nicely as possible, but it sounds to me like you do not want kids.

You are willing to have them because it would make DH happy and you like your DH.


Be honest with yourself on this issue OP and be honest with your husband.

[Anonymous]

You can't wait much longer!

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married? If you're newlyweds, I'm with you. If you've been married awhile, why wait?

However, 6 months to a year is not very long, even at 35. If you can promise him you'll start trying to get pregnant in 9 months, would that be good enough?

I'm a mom of 4 who had a meltdown at 35 b/c I was pretty sure I didn't want kids, and my DH of less than a year wanted them SO MUCH. I needed to settle into marriage for another year before I was ready.

[Anonymous]

If you want more than one -- then time to get started. You are already considered "advanced maternal age" by doctors and will require all sorts of extra tests during your pregnancy. It could take 6 months to get pregnant (if all goes well, no miscarriage, etc.), then 9 months before you deliver, and it will take at least 6 months before you could start trying for a 2nd. Your odds of a successful pregnancy drop 15% every year from 35 onwards. Get to it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? If you're newlyweds, I'm with you. If you've been married awhile, why wait?

However, 6 months to a year is not very long, even at 35. If you can promise him you'll start trying to get pregnant in 9 months, would that be good enough?

I'm a mom of 4 who had a meltdown at 35 b/c I was pretty sure I didn't want kids, and my DH of less than a year wanted them SO MUCH. I needed to settle into marriage for another year before I was ready.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? If you're newlyweds, I'm with you. If you've been married awhile, why wait?

However, 6 months to a year is not very long, even at 35. If you can promise him you'll start trying to get pregnant in 9 months, would that be good enough?

I'm a mom of 4 who had a meltdown at 35 b/c I was pretty sure I didn't want kids, and my DH of less than a year wanted them SO MUCH. I needed to settle into marriage for another year before I was ready.

You can't say that.

You are lucky it worked out for you and ended up with 4 kids. That's not the case for everyone telling OP she has all the time in the world and that a year won't make a difference simply isn't true.

[Anonymous]

Op here. We have frozen embryos that we created a few years ago when previously thinking of having kids but had a medical issue. So biological timing isn't an issue. I can transfer them at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We have frozen embryos that we created a few years ago when previously thinking of having kids but had a medical issue. So biological timing isn't an issue. I can transfer them at any time.

This is no guarantee of a child, you realize. If you do want them, I'd do it now. But as PPs noticed, you may not.

[Anonymous]

Do not allow your husband to pressure you into bringing an innocent vulnerable child into this world if you are not 120% on board with the idea.

It wouldn't be fair to the child at all.

Until you are ready and you may never be by the sound of your post, refrain from doing something that you just may regret for the rest of your life.
If you have a child out of pure pressure, you will become very bitter and resentful.

Don't do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not allow your husband to pressure you into bringing an innocent vulnerable child into this world if you are not 120% on board with the idea.

It wouldn't be fair to the child at all.

Until you are ready and you may never be by the sound of your post, refrain from doing something that you just may regret for the rest of your life.
If you have a child out of pure pressure, you will become very bitter and resentful.

Don't do it!

You can want a child and not be ready. Who is ever ready for a child? Maybe op just overthinks everything.

[Anonymous]

I agree you shouldn't feel pressured into having kids... That said, at 35 you are considered advanced maternal age, so if you want to have kids, i'd get on with it sooner rather than later. Just because medically you can have kids older than naturally possible doesn't mean your body will handle the pregnancy and recovery like someone younger....

[Anonymous]

How is this not a troll?

[Anonymous]

Just because you have the frozen embryos doesn't mean you'll get pregnant immediately. It could take a while, and you could be starting motherhood on the late side.

Which is fine, plenty of people have kids at 40+. It's just something to consider when deciding when to start TTC.

Biology is what it is - there's no getting around the cold, hard fact of it. If you wait to TTC, you are taking a risk, but the same could be said for having a child before you're ready (though it's true that so often people never feel quite ready before they take the plunge).

Good luck to you.