Would you lie years later to an ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw an ex three years after breaking up that I had always suspected cheated on me. Somehow discussion led to the past and I ended up asking him if he had been unfaithful and I would've understood in some way as towards the end I had moved out for several months before we officially broke up. He still maintains he never cheated. Trust his word finally?

You care why?

I'm guessing he was gas lighting her. There were probably things that happened back then that still trouble Op now. She wants to make sense of what was happening. But the ex bf was likely a selfish S.O.B. who would rather the Op wonder forever than ever come clean about what he did. Probably a narcissistic personality. They will always put themselves in the most favorable glowing light possible.

The worst thing that ever happened to DCUM is the first post that used the term "gaslight".

Gas lighting does not equal simple lying or evasion.

For all we know, OP is one of those insecure people who is always looking for clues that her partners are cheating on her. She's been told no and can't seem to accept that. So if he could be narcissistic, she could be borderline or paranoid.

It matters even less three years down the line. She needs to just pick up and move on. She's not getting the answer she wants, period.

I wasn't talking about simple lies and evasion. I'm talking about doing screwed up things that made Op feel like she was losing her mind at the time - it prevented her from discovering the truth and instead made her question her own sanity. That way, boyfriend could get what he wanted out of Op AND do what he pleased on the side.

What I'm talking about is not the typical sneaking around and bald faced lying. It is way more psychologically insidious than that.

[Anonymous]

He won't admit he cheated. Ever.

Because he never wants to be cast in an unflattering light.

He wants to keep his side of the street clean even if it means taking everything to his grave.

[Anonymous]

I would say that even if he cheated, he still would not admit it now. He has no reason to. You'll never know. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Why do you still care so much OP?