Would you lie years later to an ex?

[Anonymous]

Woman here. If I had cheated and lied during the relationship Id see no reason to come clean after the fact. There's no upside. It would only hurt the other person. I'd lie.

[Anonymous]

Not even as a death bed confession.

There is no incentive for a person to admit to cheating after already lying about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No reason to come clean now. He didn't want to get into the details then and he sure as heck has no reason to get into the details now.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

+1 - not even as I was dying. What's the point?

And to be fair - I don't want a former gf to tell me that she was cheating on me either. It's in the past and we're not together, so I really don't care to know.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, I have learned that "has no reason to lie" provides no guarantee of truthfulness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, choose to believe him, choose to not believe him ; either way stop dragging that dead horse around. Seems to me you are looking for a specific answer, whether it's the truth or not, so you need to work on why that answer is so important to you, three years after the fact.

Because betrayal is painful and healing comes from the truth

But there is no proof that OP has been betrayed. It's a narrative that she has created that is impeding her healing.

Healing comes from your own truth and actions, and finding peace with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw an ex three years after breaking up that I had always suspected cheated on me. Somehow discussion led to the past and I ended up asking him if he had been unfaithful and I would've understood in some way as towards the end I had moved out for several months before we officially broke up. He still maintains he never cheated. Trust his word finally?

You need therapy. Why would you even ask this 3 years after breaking up? Go talk to someone and figure out why you still care 3 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. If I had cheated and lied during the relationship Id see no reason to come clean after the fact. There's no upside. It would only hurt the other person. I'd lie.

+3. I did cheat and lie to my now ex. Definitely would not change that story now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. If I had cheated and lied during the relationship Id see no reason to come clean after the fact. There's no upside. It would only hurt the other person. I'd lie.

+3. I did cheat and lie to my now ex. Definitely would not change that story now!

Yeah, no one is going to admit to being a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw an ex three years after breaking up that I had always suspected cheated on me. Somehow discussion led to the past and I ended up asking him if he had been unfaithful and I would've understood in some way as towards the end I had moved out for several months before we officially broke up. He still maintains he never cheated. Trust his word finally?

You care why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw an ex three years after breaking up that I had always suspected cheated on me. Somehow discussion led to the past and I ended up asking him if he had been unfaithful and I would've understood in some way as towards the end I had moved out for several months before we officially broke up. He still maintains he never cheated. Trust his word finally?

You care why?

I'm guessing he was gas lighting her. There were probably things that happened back then that still trouble Op now. She wants to make sense of what was happening. But the ex bf was likely a selfish S.O.B. who would rather the Op wonder forever than ever come clean about what he did. Probably a narcissistic personality. They will always put themselves in the most favorable glowing light possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw an ex three years after breaking up that I had always suspected cheated on me. Somehow discussion led to the past and I ended up asking him if he had been unfaithful and I would've understood in some way as towards the end I had moved out for several months before we officially broke up. He still maintains he never cheated. Trust his word finally?

You care why?

I'm guessing he was gas lighting her. There were probably things that happened back then that still trouble Op now. She wants to make sense of what was happening. But the ex bf was likely a selfish S.O.B. who would rather the Op wonder forever than ever come clean about what he did. Probably a narcissistic personality. They will always put themselves in the most favorable glowing light possible.

The worst thing that ever happened to DCUM is the first post that used the term "gaslight".

Gas lighting does not equal simple lying or evasion.

For all we know, OP is one of those insecure people who is always looking for clues that her partners are cheating on her. She's been told no and can't seem to accept that. So if he could be narcissistic, she could be borderline or paranoid.

It matters even less three years down the line. She needs to just pick up and move on. She's not getting the answer she wants, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw an ex three years after breaking up that I had always suspected cheated on me. Somehow discussion led to the past and I ended up asking him if he had been unfaithful and I would've understood in some way as towards the end I had moved out for several months before we officially broke up. He still maintains he never cheated. Trust his word finally?

You need therapy. Why would you even ask this 3 years after breaking up? Go talk to someone and figure out why you still care 3 years later.

Seriously, what kind of loser dwells on something like this three years later.

[Anonymous]

Liars lie until they get caught. That's the point of the lie -- it makes you believe something about them instead of the (real and usually ugly) truth.

Instead of wondering whether you can trust his word, thinking about why you refuse to trust your gut. You seem to need some outside verification of what you feel to be true. This is a hallmark of someone who is vulnerable to abusive relationships. Think about why you need this "proof" of what really happened.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, who cares?