What mattered with your kids in the long run?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How could anyone possibly know what made the difference (if anything) in the long run?

I'm fairly certain I did a great job handling caregiving of a spouse with metastatic cancer and child rearing. I know because I didn't like what I was seeing my kid, got good advice from sources I respect, changed my approach and saw changes in my kid fairly quickly. He is strong, and gentle and kind. He doesn't shy away from the hard work of living. He trusts me.

You sound like a great mom. Where did you go for that advice? I think what you did is amazing. (My own childhood was pretty much ruined by the terrible job my parent did handling other parent's cancer. I have somewhat forgiven them, because what a hard situation. But still, kudos to you.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school.

Go private.

Middle school

Go public.

And I say this as someone who pulled my daughter out of private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How could anyone possibly know what made the difference (if anything) in the long run?

You can't. I agree with your line of thinking.

Each kid is different. Parenting styles are different. I had friends who were latchkey kids who turned out to well adjusted and happy. I had a SAHM mom and a dad who was always home, too, b/c he had a thriving business he could trust others to run for him.

totally different situations with similar outcomes

There's no secret answer, OP. People can share all they want, but there are no guarantees that your kids will be happy and well adjusted. simply too many factors beyond our control that are at play in our children's lives

[Anonymous]

Yup. Lady who brags about not being fair illustrates that. My dh and i were both the siblings in our families who got the least amounts of parental time and attention and resources while the needy one took and took and took. It sucked. Pat yourself on the back for your enlightened parenting but ignore the costs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say the best thing we did for them is made sure they knew that we rejoiced in their existence at every stage of their lives. That they knew they were loved no matter what kind of dumb stuff they were up to. And that we had their back and home and family would always always be a place where they were safe and loved.

These days they tell us they are amazed at the stuff they can tell us and we still say we love them.

Mama love is powerful love. I realized when my daughter was being a horrible teenager that I still loved her very much, even though she was breaking my heart. And that even if she burned down our entire home town, I would still love her.

Love this have a teenager now how old is she now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say the best thing we did for them is made sure they knew that we rejoiced in their existence at every stage of their lives. That they knew they were loved no matter what kind of dumb stuff they were up to. And that we had their back and home and family would always always be a place where they were safe and loved.

These days they tell us they are amazed at the stuff they can tell us and we still say we love them.

Mama love is powerful love. I realized when my daughter was being a horrible teenager that I still loved her very much, even though she was breaking my heart. And that even if she burned down our entire home town, I would still love her.

That first line is really perfection. It makes me teary, because I can say 1000% that my parents did this for me. I have young kids, but I hope to be able to do this for them too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school.

Go private.

Middle school

Go public.

And I say this as someone who pulled my daughter out of private school.

Middle school is where kids either go forward or backward. For middle school and for most kids that aren't learning disabled or impaired, a disciplined environment with order, coat and tie or uniform ,class ranking and low student/teacher ratio is probably the greatest investment you could ever make in your kids future.

[Anonymous]

Reading - a lot. We started reading to them from the first few months. As they grew we used to read to them in bed until they fell asleep. This continued even when they started to read by themselves. And then suddenly after 3rd grade they were reading by themselves.

Eating together. Letting all of us in the kitchen to cook together. It creates a mess, but all of us love food, love feeding others and love mealtimes. Try different cuisines.

Don't talk down to them. Give them explanations about things that they are seeing and experiencing. For example - If you see a caterpillar, don't just say "that's a bug" instead tell them that is a caterpillar, that will turn into a moth or butterfly. Talk about the life cycle. Look, if you are an educated parent who is spending time with your child, then it is an enrichment opportunity like no other. Investigate the world with them. Watch nature documentaries with them.

Letting them spend time with relatives one on one and allowing them to find their own equation with them. My kids have very individual connection with both sets of grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins.

Reward, recognize and reiterate - good manners, kind behavior, civic responsibility and environmental awareness.

Talk to them about every religion, racism, history. My kids eventually went in STEM field but make sure they also have strong liberal arts background. History, Sociology, Anthropology, Economics , Geography is essential in my opinion for everyone to be conversant with.

Love your kids and spouse. Don't divorce unless staying together is bad for kids. I have seen good kids fall apart after divorce. It is just very harmful to their wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school.

Go private.

Middle school

Go public.

And I say this as someone who pulled my daughter out of private school.

Middle school is where kids either go forward or backward. For middle school and for most kids that aren't learning disabled or impaired, a disciplined environment with order, coat and tie or uniform ,class ranking and low student/teacher ratio is probably the greatest investment you could ever make in your kids future.

nope

Sheltering them at this stage w/o helping them learn how to deal with differences, obstacles, academic pressures and societal pressures is THE WORST thing you could do to a child at this age.

Private keeps them in a bubble.

I talk from experience - as a parent who pulled a child from a private school, as a person who attended both public and private schools, and as an educator in the public system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say the best thing we did for them is made sure they knew that we rejoiced in their existence at every stage of their lives. That they knew they were loved no matter what kind of dumb stuff they were up to. And that we had their back and home and family would always always be a place where they were safe and loved.

These days they tell us they are amazed at the stuff they can tell us and we still say we love them.

Mama love is powerful love. I realized when my daughter was being a horrible teenager that I still loved her very much, even though she was breaking my heart. And that even if she burned down our entire home town, I would still love her.

Love this have a teenager now how old is she now?

She's 28. Starting at about age 23, she began apologizing occasionally for being so awful as a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Lady who brags about not being fair illustrates that. My dh and i were both the siblings in our families who got the least amounts of parental time and attention and resources while the needy one took and took and took. It sucked. Pat yourself on the back for your enlightened parenting but ignore the costs

Being equal is not fair.

[Anonymous]

Best thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle school.

Go private.

Middle school

Go public.

And I say this as someone who pulled my daughter out of private school.

Middle school is where kids either go forward or backward. For middle school and for most kids that aren't learning disabled or impaired, a disciplined environment with order, coat and tie or uniform ,class ranking and low student/teacher ratio is probably the greatest investment you could ever make in your kids future.

nope

Sheltering them at this stage w/o helping them learn how to deal with differences, obstacles, academic pressures and societal pressures is THE WORST thing you could do to a child at this age.

Private keeps them in a bubble.

I talk from experience - as a parent who pulled a child from a private school, as a person who attended both public and private schools, and as an educator in the public system.

well it sounds like you're a public school advocate so it makes sense that you'd say that.

However, I don't think it matters - obviously there are happy and troubled kids who come out of both systems.

If a school is negatively affecting your child, change them if you're able.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school.

Go private.

I hated private middle school--the class sizes were too small to get away from your worst classmates. YMMV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair treatment across the board, no favoritism.

+ a million

I can't emphasize this enough.