Handling Sibs' Expectations on Involvement

[Anonymous]

OP you are a special snowflake.
You sound unbalanced.
The family won't care so much when the kid is here. You will WISH they did.

[Anonymous]

Dude. Chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, your kid could be so lucky to have so many loving, caring adults in his/her life but sounds like you're going to screw the whole thing up for him/her.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP they're just saying these things. Once the kid is born they won't be this involved. I get a little upset at comments that our parents are making, but I know things will be difference after birth.

Yeah trust me. It'll just be you and your husband that are getting up every couple of hours to feed your kid and change the poopy diapers. The rest of the family will be there to play with changed and fed kid.

+100. Yeah, relax. Wait til the kid is born and see what actually happens. You may be so relieved if they want to help out.

Totally. Right now it looks to you that you all competing to have as much time with the baby as possible. In reality when the baby arrives they will be around much less than you (and they) think and you will likely appreciate when they do want to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are a special snowflake.
You sound unbalanced.
The family won't care so much when the kid is here. You will WISH they did.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#FirstChildProblems

[Anonymous]

At least someone gives a shit. No offense. My childless siblings and my aging dad do not care and never visit. I never would've thought it would be like this to raise kids. We were always such a close family never any fights or anything. At least I have DH's family who care about everyone.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why people refer to babies that aren't theirs as "my baby". My MIL does with our newborn and it kind of drives me crazy but I just mentally roll my eyes and let it go.
I also wanted a plan for how to handle things before our LO was born, but as others pointed out, much of it ended up being moot. If they offer advice, just say "oh, we will think about that" or "we will ask our pediatrician about that" and then promptly ignore.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those things that will annoy you when your first is a baby. Trust me, when you have a two year old and a four year old and you just want to go to the bathroom by yourself for once, you will realize that you are super lucky because there is someone around to give you a break. Parenting is a marathon not a sprint. Remember that you might be very energetic for the first few miles, but you will be grateful for the help by mile ten.

[Anonymous]

I'd avoid getting spun up about hypotheticals.

[Anonymous]

You've gotten good advice here. Try not to upset yourself. Allow for the fact that hormones may be intensifying your feelings of protectiveness and claim on this baby. It's okay.

Hopefully they'll show up and participate in DC's life. You can get them to tone down the "my baby" thing later.

I had the perspective that children join a community when born and passed mine around liberally. My mom's insistence on referring to DC1 as "her baby" annoyed the shit out of me, but having her around to cuddle him and take joy in his existence helped to balance things out.

It's YOUR baby and the world knows it. Allowing your family members to celebrate the baby's anticipated arrival with all of this big talk is really okay. It doesn't reduce your tie to DC one iota.

Humor now, boundaries later (if need be).

[Anonymous]

oh my. Take a deep breath OP. How old are you? I wonder if you can reread your post and see how ridiculous and immature it is.

You will be grateful to have relatives in your life who love your child. If you do not push them away. Most families see a new baby as something to celebrate and be excited about. It's sad you don't see it that way.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's ok to feel a bit protective. I can totally understand why you do. It's your mama instincts and wanting to be able to find your way as a parent without 6 other adults looking over our should thinking they have input.

But as others have said, in the long run, this is a VERY GOOD THING. Having other invested adults, who are head over heels in love with *your* child, is a glorious gift. Sure, the first 6 months you might have some weirdness with what they think their role should be and what it actually IS. But do your best to stay loving, open, and inclusive (in ways that feels right to you) and these relationships will be wonderful things down the line.

My inlaws can irk me and drive me nuts. They aren't always considerate of my feelings. But they ADORE and LOVE my child, and for that, I love them back. It's really a wonderful thing to see other people adore your child as much as you do. Your friends will like your child, but family really is a different bond.

[Anonymous]

OP, I disagree with most of the previous posts. You are the mom. The baby is YOUR baby. You are right to be concerned about boundaries. I ignored all signs that extended family were over-involved and chalked it up to pre-delivery excitement. Boy was I wrong. It took YEARS to drive home the message that DH and I are the parents and we do not parent by consensus after consulting siblings, ILs, etc. You may have a different situation with your extended family, but I wanted to let you know I don't think you are just hormonal or unbalanced!

[Anonymous]

Easy. Hand the baby to one of them every time he starts to scream or he has a dirty diaper.