Handling Sibs' Expectations on Involvement

[Anonymous]

Your kid is lucky to have so many people who want to play an active role in their life. Don't worry -- they will ease up once the baby is here. Try to keep it all in perspective -- everyone is excited!

[Anonymous]

In a year you will be bitching that you never see them.

[Anonymous]

Have #2 soon after #1. You'll be thrilled if they still want to be involved.

[Anonymous]

This is the luckiest baby in the world. This baby isn't even born yet and has people fighting over who will love it the most

Friends Episode.

[Anonymous]

People just want you to know that they are excited about the baby/excited for you. So they say "my baby" and "can't wait to take her to the beach" or whatever. It's just stuff they say, it's no big deal.

I see why this is annoying, but I promise...once baby arrives, things will "settle in."

If there ARE problems, just be clear about boundaries. "Thanks for your enthusiasm, but we will not be introducing solids yet, on the advice of her pediatrician. We'll let you know how she likes rice cereal in a few weeks!"

Good luck with your baby!

[MikeL]

Anonymous wrote:Hormones. Your mama bear hormones have gone a bit too wild, OP.

+1 to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a year you will be bitching that you never see them.

this. OP, it's hormones.

[Anonymous]

Reality and expectation will be different.

[Anonymous]

What should I do, there are too many people who will love my kid and help me? OP this is ridiculous and one day you will laugh at yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby is due in October, and it's the first grandkid for both sides of the aisle. DH's older bro and wife are a definite no on kids, and my own younger sib is a wishywashy on whether she'll want to raise any herself. We're planning on two kids, but they may end up being the only kids in our family if things continue like this.

This has given rise to a lot of comments like "my baby" from our sibs, to which, I admit, we're probably a little overly rankled on. We get that this kid is gonna be precious to everyone, and probably spoiled to some point. But it's our baby, not theirs. They've even taken to mentioning things about how I should be taking care of myself and doing certain things to remain healthy; my own sister gets annoyed with me for "poking her nephew" when I'm trying to figure out where he is positioned in utero. They keep saying they can't wait to teach him certain things (we're fine with that), but they act like they need to be around for every first and that they want to be active in most of his firsts (eating certain foods, walking, etc.).

Um, no. If you wanted all those kid moments, you could have decided to have children of your own, is how we feel. Are we being completely unreasonable? Not that we don't want them around, but how to get them to understand that we're not having a child for them to live vicariously through us? We've been trying to hint as such, but our sibs a very touchy people. As in, cold shoulders, eye rolls, hurt expressions, the whole gambit. Just at a mere hint.

YOU sound touchy. And annoying---who says "sibs"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP they're just saying these things. Once the kid is born they won't be this involved. I get a little upset at comments that our parents are making, but I know things will be difference after birth.

Well then calm yourself

[Anonymous]

#FirstChildProblems

[Anonymous]

I'd be annoyed too, but I think you have to see how they actually act once the baby is born. I get a few "our Larla" comments and it takes everything in me to not snap back "MY Larla,' but they've been respectful of boundaries thus far...

[Anonymous]

OP, part of having kids is (unfortunately) unsolicited advice/comments from others. Sometimes it's family, sometimes it's coworkers, sometimes it's strangers, and frequently it's annoying. Over time you will develop a good noncommittal response to deal with most of these kinds of things, and you will learn to save your battles for the points that really matter to you the most.

[Anonymous]

I have a much older sister who, until around the time her first son was born, would sometimes call me her "baby" & , when they were younger, I would sometimes call my nephews, who I was/am close to, "my Larlopher/ my Larlobert". In both cases, it was just a term of endearment, not a sign that my sister though that she was another mother to me or I thought my nephews were my sons, too.