Am I teaching resilience or feeding anxiety?

[Anonymous]

I think it's good to have her continue with carpooling, as others have said, and to have it be routine. The more "routine" you have things, the easier it is for people with anxiety. If she knows what to expect and knows you aren't going to take her because she asks you to one day and not the next, she'll do much better.

I would help her come up with some strategies for addressing whatever makes her nervous, remain positive about the situation, and stress that "this is just the ways things need to be." Be honest, but also make it clear that it's not possible for you to take her every day (if it IS possible, then add something to your life that makes it not possible for real -- don't lie about it).

I'm fairly anxious, and so is my DS, but I find that we both do better with keeping things routine and knowing where we stand with how things will happen day after day. It's a hard transition, and you don't have to be mean about it or harsh. You can listen to her feelings and support her and tell her you know it's hard, but that doesn't mean you are going to change the way things are.