Picked on for being smart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:was he picked up for "acting white"?

He is white. (Most of his classmates are not). He hasn't been picked on yet. Socially he does very well. So far. I can only assume that all the posters stating that this does not happen or that smart kids are a dime a dozen go to different types of schools. My child definitely stands out (a lot - he's several grade levels ahead e.g. about two in math and three-four in reading) and the other kids definitely notice.

Perhaps, but I honestly think you're over thinking this and likely thinking too highly of your own child. My kid with a very, very high IQ fits in just fine...but he's humble and has no idea how bright he is. He acts like a normal kid with other kids but with sprinklings of advanced vocab or questions or humor.

How do you know the kids definitely notice?

[Anonymous]

I haven't heard of kids getting picked on for being smart nowadays. It's a badge of honor to be smart now. Kids get picked on for other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:was he picked up for "acting white"?

He is white. (Most of his classmates are not). He hasn't been picked on yet. Socially he does very well. So far. I can only assume that all the posters stating that this does not happen or that smart kids are a dime a dozen go to different types of schools. My child definitely stands out (a lot - he's several grade levels ahead e.g. about two in math and three-four in reading) and the other kids definitely notice.

Perhaps, but I honestly think you're over thinking this and likely thinking too highly of your own child. My kid with a very, very high IQ fits in just fine...but he's humble and has no idea how bright he is. He acts like a normal kid with other kids but with sprinklings of advanced vocab or questions or humor.

Thanks! I hope so. My concern is partly from my own experience, though I wasn't by any means as academically advanced as my child appears to be. By 12 being smart was not considered cool and I learned to lie about my grades or pretend I hadn't done my homework. But much earlier than that I was picked out and given nicknames related to my "brains" (not mean in itself, but ultimately it became negative). As much as we praise him for effort not intellect, the kids at school very quickly labeled him as "smart" or "genius" which then becomes part of your identity and an expectation you have to live up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one got picked on for being smart at my public school (one DCUM would turn up their noses at for sure). The smart, socially awkward kids got picked on; the smart, socially savvy kids were popular. Getting bad grades or being in remedial classes was very uncool.

Exactly. Picked on for being smart? No. Picked on for being smart and "not cool?" Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids' school is jam packed with very smart kids. No one picks on them for that.

+1 Being "smart" seems to be the norm and not something exceptional at my kids' school. My 5th grade DD was recently describing to me her analysis of the social divisions in her school cafeteria. "Smart" wasn't anywhere in her classification. I asked her if there is a "smart" group, since there definitely was in my HS but she said no, that's not really a way she thinks of distinguishing between kids or friend groups.

[Anonymous]

I have four kids and have never seen this happen. And I have three kids who have no problem telling me every injustice they suffer, real or perceived. This is not Stand and Deliver, you know?

I have a boy and girls. The one time I volunteered in the lunchroom during my son's lunch period, all the popular kids were grouped around one table, quizzing each other for an upcoming test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:was he picked up for "acting white"?

He is white. (Most of his classmates are not). He hasn't been picked on yet. Socially he does very well. So far. I can only assume that all the posters stating that this does not happen or that smart kids are a dime a dozen go to different types of schools. My child definitely stands out (a lot - he's several grade levels ahead e.g. about two in math and three-four in reading) and the other kids definitely notice.

Perhaps, but I honestly think you're over thinking this and likely thinking too highly of your own child. My kid with a very, very high IQ fits in just fine...but he's humble and has no idea how bright he is. He acts like a normal kid with other kids but with sprinklings of advanced vocab or questions or humor.

How do you know the kids definitely notice?

Because I've heard them comment on it, and other parents have also commented on it too (that their kids are aware, not that they are).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one got picked on for being smart at my public school (one DCUM would turn up their noses at for sure). The smart, socially awkward kids got picked on; the smart, socially savvy kids were popular. Getting bad grades or being in remedial classes was very uncool.

Exactly. Picked on for being smart? No. Picked on for being smart and "not cool?" Yes.

+1 We live in a socioeconomically and racially diverse neighborhood, and I've never seen anyone picked on for being smart. I have seen kids bullied for having a hard time communicating with peers, but not for being smart. That is, if your smart kid can ALSO discuss Harry Potter or the Lego Movie, they are going to be fine. If your smart kid either brags about their intelligence or only wants to discuss particle physics, it might be a challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one got picked on for being smart at my public school (one DCUM would turn up their noses at for sure). The smart, socially awkward kids got picked on; the smart, socially savvy kids were popular. Getting bad grades or being in remedial classes was very uncool.

Exactly. Picked on for being smart? No. Picked on for being smart and "not cool?"[u] Yes.

This.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure this happens in competitive environments like good magnets or high-end privates. Being one of the smarter ones in that environment did not cause me or the other 'smart ones' to be picked on at all. The kids that were picked on were, unfortunately, the ones with mild special needs. If a class of kids actually had a cross-section of ability, maybe smart kids would be picked on, but I don't think it is a bug deal when there is already some differentiation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:was he picked up for "acting white"?

He is white. (Most of his classmates are not). He hasn't been picked on yet. Socially he does very well. So far. I can only assume that all the posters stating that this does not happen or that smart kids are a dime a dozen go to different types of schools. My child definitely stands out (a lot - he's several grade levels ahead e.g. about two in math and three-four in reading) and the other kids definitely notice.

How do you know the kids definitely notice?

Because I've heard them comment on it, and other parents have also commented on it too (that their kids are aware, not that they are).

I've experienced this too. Several of my DC's ES classmates have approached me to say "DC is the smartest kid in our class!" and sometimes their parents would repeat "My DC always says how smart your DC is!" This has happened a number of times, and is very sweet. Nobody is mean about it. I don't know that DC is "cool," but DC is calm, friendly, and comfortable in her own skin, which I'm sure goes a long way. This is ES though, could be a different ballgame in MS and HS. But at that point, there are so many kids, it seems very doable to find a peer group based on common interests. At least that's what we're hoping.

[Anonymous]

K teacher asked the kids to vote: math test or party. My DD voted for the math test. Only one. Never knew it was strange to answer that way. But Op, I don't really buy-into your question. I don't think it's a problem. Don't look for problems that aren't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:K teacher asked the kids to vote: math test or party. My DD voted for the math test. Only one. Never knew it was strange to answer that way. But Op, I don't really buy-into your question. I don't think it's a problem. Don't look for problems that aren't there.

This wouldn't show your child is smart, advanced or needs remediation. It shows nothing, actually, except maybe a little quirkiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your kid say "Oh yeah, well you're gonna work for me one day."

Yeah that's the kind of thing that would make him a target for the next 10 years.

Like others have said smartness isn't uncool here. Kids are expected to be smart at these schools. But they will pinpoint dorkiness or a kid who is a know it all and take that kid down. Practice social skills with your kid, make sure he can talk about stuff besides his niche interests and can read social cues and stuff. Encourage socializing, make sure he has cool clothes. I know it sounds stupid but that stuff does matter with kids. If he can hang like a normal chill kid, his smartness will never be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the great schools rating of the school