gift cards- How Much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. If you want to do more add it into the class teacher's gift. This is what I do so there is not an air of impropriety.

Why is it "proper" to give more as part of a group gift, but not as an individual gift?

The implication is what somehow if a gift is attributed, a teacher would do something different for the child. That's not possible when the gift occurs at the end of the year. And, most teachers are perfectly capable of accepting a gift without it affecting the way the treat children in the classroom.

I give generously to my kids' teachers, and save the most generous gifts for the end of the year precisely so teachers don't feel like I'm trying to influence how they treat my kids. It's a pure gesture of appreciation.

Of course I'm not going to treat a child differently because of a gift. But an extravagant gift (and yes, for a teacher $200 is an extravagant gift) feels like a tip you give to your hired help. It feels icky.

If it feels icky, feel free to return it. Sad that you see it this way rather than assuming the person who is giving is just generous and appreciative. $200 is not extravagant to us. We spend $200-$300 on close friends' birthday presents.

We deeply appreciate the role our kids' teachers play in their lives and are grateful that we've been blessed with some lovely, extraordinary people. If we were "tipping" them based on how we value their "service," the tip would be in the tens of thousands.

.

Sigh. Yes, you're rich. I get it. Believe me. I GET IT.

I want to partner with you to support your child. I'm a professional. I don't need your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. If you want to do more add it into the class teacher's gift. This is what I do so there is not an air of impropriety.

Why is it "proper" to give more as part of a group gift, but not as an individual gift?

The implication is what somehow if a gift is attributed, a teacher would do something different for the child. That's not possible when the gift occurs at the end of the year. And, most teachers are perfectly capable of accepting a gift without it affecting the way the treat children in the classroom.

I give generously to my kids' teachers, and save the most generous gifts for the end of the year precisely so teachers don't feel like I'm trying to influence how they treat my kids. It's a pure gesture of appreciation.

Of course I'm not going to treat a child differently because of a gift. But an extravagant gift (and yes, for a teacher $200 is an extravagant gift) feels like a tip you give to your hired help. It feels icky.

If it feels icky, feel free to return it. Sad that you see it this way rather than assuming the person who is giving is just generous and appreciative. $200 is not extravagant to us. We spend $200-$300 on close friends' birthday presents.

We deeply appreciate the role our kids' teachers play in their lives and are grateful that we've been blessed with some lovely, extraordinary people. If we were "tipping" them based on how we value their "service," the tip would be in the tens of thousands.

.

Sigh. Yes, you're rich. I get it. Believe me. I GET IT.

I want to partner with you to support your child. I'm a professional. I don't need your money.

Speak for yourself, PP. I'm a professional. I don't need money, but neigther would I take a gift as an insult, no matter how extravagant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. If you want to do more add it into the class teacher's gift. This is what I do so there is not an air of impropriety.

Why is it "proper" to give more as part of a group gift, but not as an individual gift?

The implication is what somehow if a gift is attributed, a teacher would do something different for the child. That's not possible when the gift occurs at the end of the year. And, most teachers are perfectly capable of accepting a gift without it affecting the way the treat children in the classroom.

I give generously to my kids' teachers, and save the most generous gifts for the end of the year precisely so teachers don't feel like I'm trying to influence how they treat my kids. It's a pure gesture of appreciation.

Of course I'm not going to treat a child differently because of a gift. But an extravagant gift (and yes, for a teacher $200 is an extravagant gift) feels like a tip you give to your hired help. It feels icky.

If it feels icky, feel free to return it. Sad that you see it this way rather than assuming the person who is giving is just generous and appreciative. $200 is not extravagant to us. We spend $200-$300 on close friends' birthday presents.

We deeply appreciate the role our kids' teachers play in their lives and are grateful that we've been blessed with some lovely, extraordinary people. If we were "tipping" them based on how we value their "service," the tip would be in the tens of thousands.

.

Sigh. Yes, you're rich. I get it. Believe me. I GET IT.

I want to partner with you to support your child. I'm a professional. I don't need your money.

Speak for yourself, PP. I'm a professional. I don't need money, but neigther would I take a gift as an insult, no matter how extravagant.

Not an insult. A large cash gift is not appropriate. You can disagree, but since many private and public schools put limits on the amount you can spend on a teacher gift, mine is certainly not a minority opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. If you want to do more add it into the class teacher's gift. This is what I do so there is not an air of impropriety.

Why is it "proper" to give more as part of a group gift, but not as an individual gift?

The implication is what somehow if a gift is attributed, a teacher would do something different for the child. That's not possible when the gift occurs at the end of the year. And, most teachers are perfectly capable of accepting a gift without it affecting the way the treat children in the classroom.

I give generously to my kids' teachers, and save the most generous gifts for the end of the year precisely so teachers don't feel like I'm trying to influence how they treat my kids. It's a pure gesture of appreciation.

Of course I'm not going to treat a child differently because of a gift. But an extravagant gift (and yes, for a teacher $200 is an extravagant gift) feels like a tip you give to your hired help. It feels icky.

If it feels icky, feel free to return it. Sad that you see it this way rather than assuming the person who is giving is just generous and appreciative. $200 is not extravagant to us. We spend $200-$300 on close friends' birthday presents.

We deeply appreciate the role our kids' teachers play in their lives and are grateful that we've been blessed with some lovely, extraordinary people. If we were "tipping" them based on how we value their "service," the tip would be in the tens of thousands.

.

Sigh. Yes, you're rich. I get it. Believe me. I GET IT.

I want to partner with you to support your child. I'm a professional. I don't need your money.

Speak for yourself, PP. I'm a professional. I don't need money, but neigther would I take a gift as an insult, no matter how extravagant.

Not an insult. A large cash gift is not appropriate. You can disagree, but since many private and public schools put limits on the amount you can spend on a teacher gift, mine is certainly not a minority opinion.

Most don't restrict gifts, so actually your opinion may be in the minority after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not an insult. A large cash gift is not appropriate. You can disagree, but since many private and public schools put limits on the amount you can spend on a teacher gift, mine is certainly not a minority opinion.

Most don't restrict gifts, so actually your opinion may be in the minority after all.

Really? And you know this how exactly?

Our school does seek to limit gifts. I have no idea what other schools do. I suspect no parent knows the answer for more than a handful of schools.

[Anonymous]

At the risk of this being a 1% problem I also deal with this every year. After a few years this is what I do:

1) At Christmas/holiday time I give a $25 Amazon gift certificate w/handwritten card to DC's primary teachers along with a smaller gift and handwritten note to head of school, specials teachers, school counselor, and main office administrator. Both my DCs go to a small school so I see these people on a weekly basis.

2) For end of year I give a $50 Amazon gift certificate w/handwritten note to DC's primary teachers along with a $25 Amazon gift card and handwritten note to specials teacher and school counselor. For the head or school and some additional school support officers a separate smaller gift with a handwritten card.

Previously one of the schools mandated (in the school handbook) that any gifts to teachers be modest. This was hard to interpret and then the following year I noticed that the word "modest" had been dropped from the guidance.

In one of my DC's follow-on schools the room parent collects all contributions from parents and that was incredibly useful. She asked per family at the end of year a $50 total contribution for all families for the main teachers and specials teachers and because we could give a bit more we gave $100 and she also collected handwritten cards from the students and families. We also gave a $25 to the main office administrator and a small gift to the head of school with a handwritten card. For Christmas/holiday time this also was done via the room parent on a bit of a smaller scale and we gave gifts and card separately to the head of school and main office administrator along with a small gift.

It is hard to know what is appropriate/expected, but this is what I feel comfortable doing. I give the Amazon gift certificate because I figure that can get them something they want and also of course include a carefully worded handwritten note expressing my gratitude and citing things that we especially appreciated.

I get that folks do not want to "tip" their teachers but for me this is expressing gratitude for doing a wonderful job with the most valuable things we have--our children. I think providing a bit of a nice "thank you" gift is nice to do and shows appreciation for a job well done with precious cargo. That for me sets this apart.

I also understand that not everyone can give huge amounts and I do think it is the thought that counts. For that reason a handwritten card also would be a great idea--if you can add on a gift card that also is great but not required. Before I decided on the Amazon gift card option I checked in with ah friend who is married to a school teacher and she said that that would be the most useful and that she actually often uses it to purchase school supplies! I thought about other types of gift cards but I didn't want to take away from the utilitarian nature.

My mother was a secretary so I always make sure to give a little something to the main office administrator (AKA front office administrator) and especially if they are friendly. Also a small gift and card for the main traffic/carpool person--that can't be an easy job in DC

I also am lucky enough to volunteer in my DC's schools (working a reduced full-time schedule to do so) so I get to know the school teachers and administrators well and that helps in terms of connecting with school personnel and also as a side benefit figuring out what some of their gift preferences might be.

Hope this helps--we all want to do the right thing but it can be hard to figure out for each family!



P.S. I have seen the comments on schools not restricting gift sizes and actually a lot do--either in the student handbook mandating modest gifts or by aggregating the gift contributions as a whole via the room parent to the teacher(s.) So that actually is quite common post pre-school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the risk of this being a 1% problem I also deal with this every year. After a few years this is what I do:

1) At Christmas/holiday time I give a $25 Amazon gift certificate w/handwritten card to DC's primary teachers along with a smaller gift and handwritten note to head of school, specials teachers, school counselor, and main office administrator. Both my DCs go to a small school so I see these people on a weekly basis.

2) For end of year I give a $50 Amazon gift certificate w/handwritten note to DC's primary teachers along with a $25 Amazon gift card and handwritten note to specials teacher and school counselor. For the head or school and some additional school support officers a separate smaller gift with a handwritten card.

Previously one of the schools mandated (in the school handbook) that any gifts to teachers be modest. This was hard to interpret and then the following year I noticed that the word "modest" had been dropped from the guidance.

In one of my DC's follow-on schools the room parent collects all contributions from parents and that was incredibly useful. She asked per family at the end of year a $50 total contribution for all families for the main teachers and specials teachers and because we could give a bit more we gave $100 and she also collected handwritten cards from the students and families. We also gave a $25 to the main office administrator and a small gift to the head of school with a handwritten card. For Christmas/holiday time this also was done via the room parent on a bit of a smaller scale and we gave gifts and card separately to the head of school and main office administrator along with a small gift.

It is hard to know what is appropriate/expected, but this is what I feel comfortable doing. I give the Amazon gift certificate because I figure that can get them something they want and also of course include a carefully worded handwritten note expressing my gratitude and citing things that we especially appreciated.

I get that folks do not want to "tip" their teachers but for me this is expressing gratitude for doing a wonderful job with the most valuable things we have--our children. I think providing a bit of a nice "thank you" gift is nice to do and shows appreciation for a job well done with precious cargo. That for me sets this apart.

I also understand that not everyone can give huge amounts and I do think it is the thought that counts. For that reason a handwritten card also would be a great idea--if you can add on a gift card that also is great but not required. Before I decided on the Amazon gift card option I checked in with ah friend who is married to a school teacher and she said that that would be the most useful and that she actually often uses it to purchase school supplies! I thought about other types of gift cards but I didn't want to take away from the utilitarian nature.

My mother was a secretary so I always make sure to give a little something to the main office administrator (AKA front office administrator) and especially if they are friendly. Also a small gift and card for the main traffic/carpool person--that can't be an easy job in DC

I also am lucky enough to volunteer in my DC's schools (working a reduced full-time schedule to do so) so I get to know the school teachers and administrators well and that helps in terms of connecting with school personnel and also as a side benefit figuring out what some of their gift preferences might be.

Hope this helps--we all want to do the right thing but it can be hard to figure out for each family!



P.S. I have seen the comments on schools not restricting gift sizes and actually a lot do--either in the student handbook mandating modest gifts or by aggregating the gift contributions as a whole via the room parent to the teacher(s.) So that actually is quite common post pre-school.

What a very long and detailed post. I think you're ring to be helpful, PP, but you come across as rather self-important.

As for rest ting or not restricting gifts, I agree with PP that parents can only know a limited range of schools. From my family and friends, I am familiar with 12 private schools. Of these, only 2 restrict gifts in any way, both by requiring gifts to teachers to be made as a group contribution. None set a limit on amount.