Mother contacting my friends, boss, ex, etc - grounds for estrangement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your boss not to take her calls?

Yes, and he no longer takes them, however she still calls and leaves messages. The level of drama with her is so embarrassing.

He can block her number fairly easily, especially if he has a cell phone.

She calls my office.

[Anonymous]

How offen do you talk with her these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your boss not to take her calls?

Yes, and he no longer takes them, however she still calls and leaves messages. The level of drama with her is so embarrassing.

He can block her number fairly easily, especially if he has a cell phone.

She calls my office.

Treat this as a stalker case. Contact your office IT and request all calls be blocked from her number. If you don't have an IT department, you contact the telephone provider and ask them to block the calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask your boss not to take her calls?

Yes, and he no longer takes them, however she still calls and leaves messages. The level of drama with her is so embarrassing.

He can block her number fairly easily, especially if he has a cell phone.

She calls my office.

Treat this as a stalker case. Contact your office IT and request all calls be blocked from her number. If you don't have an IT department, you contact the telephone provider and ask them to block the calls[b].

NP here. The bold sounds like a good idea, OP, especially as you have a small office and by now everyone working there knows your mom has been doing this. It's time to fix things technically so she cannot even leave messages.

OP, does she fuss or fume about how Boss "never returns my calls" etc.? Or does she just keep leaving them without that reaction? Either way, she may need to hear directly from Boss (or from an attorney writing on behalf of the business) that she needs to cease all calls or the firm will consider legal action. Not sure what the grounds would be if it's not really harassing but just annoying-- still, she might need that kind of slap from someone who is NOT you.

As for calling your old friends, absolutely do as someone said above and contact the ones you know she calls, and firmly ask them to block her calls/texts/whatever. If they squirm and say, "But..she's so nice when we talk...she seems to need it..." etc., have a script ready of what you'll say to that. Explain very briefly but firmly that "You're not the only one she calls. When she is upset with ME she calls not just you but X other friends and my boss as well. I think you can see that this behavior is not about her wanting to lean on you as a friend, but it's the behavior of someone who is very far out of line. I really need to ask you to block her calls and never take them because it encourages her in this behavior not just with you but with other people and with my workplace. She is damaging my credibility at work and damaging my friendships."

I'd bet she's snowed some of your friends into believing on some level that you are the problem and she, poor mom, is just reaching out to your peers as a sounding board, blah, blah. She actually wants it to get back to you that she can reach into every part of your life.

As to the main question about cutting her off, since this is part of a larger set of issues, I would first stop these calls to other people as above, and then tell her that you're going to cool all communications for a specific length of time because you feel she lacks boundaries. She's going to have the usual fit about how you cannot tell her whom to call. You can just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way. You're right that I can't stop you calling anyone. But I can stop calling you and stop taking your calls for the time being."

I myself would not do any "I will never speak to you again" stuff because you never know what will happen (she might shape up, who knows), but you can declare a temporary halt to contact and leave it as, "I will be back in touch to check in with you in (however long)." Then, actually do that -- get in touch and be ready to ask about innocuous stuff, how she's doing, share some form of innocuous (NON-work) news with her. If she starts back in on how you dumped her etc, say sweetly, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I had hoped we could have a conversation that did not get into your lack of boundaries, but as we can't, I'll try again in X weeks/whenever."