Women did you ever suspect your partner's child wasn't his? Was paternity proven?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

[Anonymous]

This is a fascinating, frustrating article about this: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22Paternity-t.html.

Basically, it's not always as simple as getting a paternity test. Even if the test shows a man is not a child's father, he may still be legally the child's father especially if his name is on the birth certificate or if he is married to the mother. The law has not kept up with the technology to prove biological parenthood.

The article cites a study of men with "high paternal confidence"- 2% were not the biological father.

It's not always about looks- my daughter looks exactly like me and nothing like her father.

I don't understand how any woman could lie to a man about whether or not he was the father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out years later my dh's child wasn't his, didn't matter because that envelope of time had passed. My dh stupidly signed the BC without establishing paternity from a ex gf. It was something I suspected right off the bat, but later on when dh said she cheated on him with her ex and after seeing pics of that guy he totally looked like dh's son. In short, there was no doubt.
When I told my best friend all this, she confided that one of her kids was a ex boyfriend, not her husband's who never found out. I was just floored, and shocked because she never told me that before.

Do we need to DNA every child at birth? I feel bad for the kids, but shouldn't this be determined upon birth? My dh had to pay support for another guy's kid for 9 years.

Gad, where do you live? It sounds like the Geraldo Rivera show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Maybe you could answer the question leaving the mom out of it. Obviously everyone would be fucking furious with her. Obviously that was a shitty, cowardly decision that she should feel ashamed of.

But a 9yo who has called you dad for his or her entire life, who you have cared for when they were sick and celebrated birthdays with for close to 10 years? Would you seriously suddenly feel nothing for that child?

Because if so, I pity the child who has 2 parents who are clearly sociopaths.

[Anonymous]

You can love a kid without paying for him or her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Maybe you could answer the question leaving the mom out of it. Obviously everyone would be fucking furious with her. Obviously that was a shitty, cowardly decision that she should feel ashamed of.

But a 9yo who has called you dad for his or her entire life, who you have cared for when they were sick and celebrated birthdays with for close to 10 years? Would you seriously suddenly feel nothing for that child?

Because if so, I pity the child who has 2 parents who are clearly sociopaths.

I'm guessing you possibly have done this. It is 100% mom's responsibility and a man who is not dad should not be financially responsible. Maybe mom didn't let "dad" be involved and there was no true bond. He may not have been the one celebrating birthdays and caring for when sick. Mom wants child support so she picks the man who is most likely to provide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a fascinating, frustrating article about this: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22Paternity-t.html.

Basically, it's not always as simple as getting a paternity test. Even if the test shows a man is not a child's father, he may still be legally the child's father especially if his name is on the birth certificate or if he is married to the mother. The law has not kept up with the technology to prove biological parenthood.

The article cites a study of men with "high paternal confidence"- 2% were not the biological father.

It's not always about looks- my daughter looks exactly like me and nothing like her father.

I don't understand how any woman could lie to a man about whether or not he was the father.

Its NY. Their courts are very shady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a fascinating, frustrating article about this: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22Paternity-t.html.

Basically, it's not always as simple as getting a paternity test. Even if the test shows a man is not a child's father, he may still be legally the child's father especially if his name is on the birth certificate or if he is married to the mother. The law has not kept up with the technology to prove biological parenthood.

The article cites a study of men with "high paternal confidence"- 2% were not the biological father.

It's not always about looks- my daughter looks exactly like me and nothing like her father.

I don't understand how any woman could lie to a man about whether or not he was the father.

Its NY. Their courts are very shady.

It's a nation-wide problem. The NY Times covers the whole country, did you not know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Maybe you could answer the question leaving the mom out of it. Obviously everyone would be fucking furious with her. Obviously that was a shitty, cowardly decision that she should feel ashamed of.

But a 9yo who has called you dad for his or her entire life, who you have cared for when they were sick and celebrated birthdays with for close to 10 years? Would you seriously suddenly feel nothing for that child?

Because if so, I pity the child who has 2 parents who are clearly sociopaths.

I'm guessing you possibly have done this. It is 100% mom's responsibility and a man who is not dad should not be financially responsible. Maybe mom didn't let "dad" be involved and there was no true bond. He may not have been the one celebrating birthdays and caring for when sick. Mom wants child support so she picks the man who is most likely to provide it.

I have one child. Never lied about her parentage to anyone, other than maybe to suggest a time or two that she was a Gremlin when she was colicky as a baby. But thanks for demonstrating that no, you can't answer the question leaving the mom out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Maybe you could answer the question leaving the mom out of it. Obviously everyone would be fucking furious with her. Obviously that was a shitty, cowardly decision that she should feel ashamed of.

But a 9yo who has called you dad for his or her entire life, who you have cared for when they were sick and celebrated birthdays with for close to 10 years? Would you seriously suddenly feel nothing for that child?

Because if so, I pity the child who has 2 parents who are clearly sociopaths.

That's why many states have a time limitation because a child's needs comes first. I would say at that point the ones who raised the child are the parents, can't reverse it no matter what mistakes happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp who the kid was 9 when all this was found out, did you ever once consider the child's and "Dad's" emotions before you thought of the $$ you weren't getting? Piece of work you!

Agree, that was evil to turn your kids against their sibling. There were better ways to handle it and you've punished the wrong people.

[Anonymous]

For most of recorded history legal parentage and biological parentage has not been assumed to be the same thing.

This is why I roll my eyes at people who object to same sex parents on a birth certificate. A birth certificate documents legal parentage and nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Maybe you could answer the question leaving the mom out of it. Obviously everyone would be fucking furious with her. Obviously that was a shitty, cowardly decision that she should feel ashamed of.

But a 9yo who has called you dad for his or her entire life, who you have cared for when they were sick and celebrated birthdays with for close to 10 years? Would you seriously suddenly feel nothing for that child?

Because if so, I pity the child who has 2 parents who are clearly sociopaths.

That's why many states have a time limitation because a child's needs comes first. I would say at that point the ones who raised the child are the parents, can't reverse it no matter what mistakes happened.

It's not a mistake. Mom lied. M

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Maybe you could answer the question leaving the mom out of it. Obviously everyone would be fucking furious with her. Obviously that was a shitty, cowardly decision that she should feel ashamed of.

But a 9yo who has called you dad for his or her entire life, who you have cared for when they were sick and celebrated birthdays with for close to 10 years? Would you seriously suddenly feel nothing for that child?

Because if so, I pity the child who has 2 parents who are clearly sociopaths.

I'm guessing you possibly have done this. It is 100% mom's responsibility and a man who is not dad should not be financially responsible. Maybe mom didn't let "dad" be involved and there was no true bond. He may not have been the one celebrating birthdays and caring for when sick. Mom wants child support so she picks the man who is most likely to provide it.

I have one child. Never lied about her parentage to anyone, other than maybe to suggest a time or two that she was a Gremlin when she was colicky as a baby. But thanks for demonstrating that no, you can't answer the question leaving the mom out of it.

It has everything to do with mom. Mom lied to everyone. She needs to step up and take responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I have a suspicion that my DH's oldest child from his first marriage is not his. However, whatever the truth is, that child is his and he loves that child dearly. If we ever found out that it was the case, I'd be the first to tell my DH that no matter what the DNA says, that child is his and nothing has changed. I have never voiced my suspicion to him, BTW - no point and it's not right to stir the pot that way.