Monitoring texting elementary school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my middle schoolers in the Title 1 school where I teach have phones. 3/4 of their phones are better than mine! My DD is in 6th grade and doesn't have a phone. I let her play games on mine but that's it. I don't have the money to pay for a plan for her. Ironic huh?

Phones are cheaper than computers, vacations, enrichment activities, after care, etc. So in a way, it does make some sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixth grader and we don't allow texting. It's not that hard. Just don't do it.

And your daughter needs some social skills to build up her resilience, and perhaps you need to back away some too. I don't see anything egregious in the communications from the girls you describe as "drama girl" and "pot stirrer" - they are doing exactly what your own daughter did which is to express their opinions of someone else's behavior. Not a big deal.

Good luck with that one, Mom. That will last 5 minutes. No sixth grader does not have access to a phone or computer these days.

My daughter is in 7th and doesn't have a phone. She uses the family computer for a little bit of homework only. Only in the entitled world of DCUM do you assume every 6th grader is texting away. Elementary school is just downright terrible parenting.

I'm the PP with the 6th grader who has no phone. Perhaps it's different with boys, but he hasn't agitated very hard for one. He does watch endless Youtube videos on a Kindle, but it's registered under my name so I see everything. His schoolwork is done on a Google platform, where he's subject to MCPS rules. I know for sure he does not text and I see no reason to encourage that. My nephew is the same age and he has gotten into some of the same drama the OP describes through these group chats.

I have no illusions - I'm sure we'll get there eventually. But this presumption that tweens can't live without texting or a phone is just misplaced. My son is not the only kid in his group of friends who is phone-less - and we're in a Bethesda school where resources are not the reason. When there is a justification for a phone and/or texting, I'll okay it. But it won't be simply because everyone else is doing it. And it certainly wouldn't be in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my middle schoolers in the Title 1 school where I teach have phones. 3/4 of their phones are better than mine! My DD is in 6th grade and doesn't have a phone. I let her play games on mine but that's it. I don't have the money to pay for a plan for her. Ironic huh?

Phones are cheaper than computers, vacations, enrichment activities, after care, etc. So in a way, it does make some sense.

IPhones are not cheap. Many of these students have the latest iPhone. The phone plus the texting and data plans are not something I can afford to give my child. If I can't afford it as a teacher, how can parents who make less than $25K per year afford this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixth grader and we don't allow texting. It's not that hard. Just don't do it.

And your daughter needs some social skills to build up her resilience, and perhaps you need to back away some too. I don't see anything egregious in the communications from the girls you describe as "drama girl" and "pot stirrer" - they are doing exactly what your own daughter did which is to express their opinions of someone else's behavior. Not a big deal.

Good luck with that one, Mom. That will last 5 minutes. No sixth grader does not have access to a phone or computer these days.

My daughter is in 7th and doesn't have a phone. She uses the family computer for a little bit of homework only. Only in the entitled world of DCUM do you assume every 6th grader is texting away. Elementary school is just downright terrible parenting.

I'm the PP with the 6th grader who has no phone. Perhaps it's different with boys, but he hasn't agitated very hard for one. He does watch endless Youtube videos on a Kindle, but it's registered under my name so I see everything. His schoolwork is done on a Google platform, where he's subject to MCPS rules. I know for sure he does not text and I see no reason to encourage that. My nephew is the same age and he has gotten into some of the same drama the OP describes through these group chats.

I have no illusions - I'm sure we'll get there eventually. But this presumption that tweens can't live without texting or a phone is just misplaced. My son is not the only kid in his group of friends who is phone-less - and we're in a Bethesda school where resources are not the reason. When there is a justification for a phone and/or texting, I'll okay it. But it won't be simply because everyone else is doing it. And it certainly wouldn't be in elementary school.

Bethesda home-owner here. We are a low-tech household, and do not have the kind of disposable income to buy the latest smartphones for our kids, so DC1 might go into middle school without a phone. It won't be the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my middle schoolers in the Title 1 school where I teach have phones. 3/4 of their phones are better than mine! My DD is in 6th grade and doesn't have a phone. I let her play games on mine but that's it. I don't have the money to pay for a plan for her. Ironic huh?

Phones are cheaper than computers, vacations, enrichment activities, after care, etc. So in a way, it does make some sense.

IPhones are not cheap. Many of these students have the latest iPhone. The phone plus the texting and data plans are not something I can afford to give my child. If I can't afford it as a teacher, how can parents who make less than $25K per year afford this?

Short, unpopular answer: because they're getting help with things like housing and food and utilities so they can put more of the money they do have toward shit like phones. You, on the other hand, likely pay for your own mortgage/rent and have to budget your money to afford good nutritious food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I said, my DD does NOT have a phone or her own device. These other girls do. My DD uses our shared family device and I monitor her texting which I began to allow after she showed me she could be responsible.

Like it or not, from my understanding most kids get phones in middle school and begin texting. When my daughter asked about it this seemed like a way to teach her about online communication by talking about it together and me helping her manage it by reading and limiting access.

In terms of diversifying her friend portfolio- yes we are doing that as much as we can. We are new to the area and at a small public school with not a ton of girls in the grade. I'm anxious to move on to middle school where there will be a bigger pond for her to swim in, friend-wise. My daughter is also somewhat shy and anxious which is a bit of a hurdle in meeting new friends. We are working on that.

I have a 5th grade DD who also texts and there are plenty of parent a monitoring and a few time parents have texted back when their were inappropriate texts or too much/too late texting. At the 5the grade level, Don't be afraid to text these girls back, identify yourself and tell them the type of texts they are sending are unacceptable.

I don't think it's "inappropriate" for a 5th grade girl to tell another one that her rude comment hurt her feelings. Of course it's stupid to us, but they're 5th grade girls, this stuff does matter to them. If a mom feels the need to intervene in that interaction to scold a 10 year old girl, that's weird.

What OP needs to do is begin teaching her daughter how to mollify drama before it gets out of hand. "Jenny, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I thought I was joking, but I can see how it might have embarrassed you to be told your food is gross. I'm sorry." And then leave it! Don't engage back and forth, don't say stuff like "Well I wasn't saying it to be mean so get over it." And if it's brought up at school tomorrow all she has to say is, "I already apologized."

The problem with not allowing texting is a) she already does so it's hard to put the horse back in the barn and b) the kids are getting older and all will be texting soon enough. So the DD DOES need to learn appropriate boundaries and how to handle texts and whatnot. You can't just take the easy way out and temporarily ban texting, this will just kick the can down the road so she'll have to deal with it in 7th or 8th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my middle schoolers in the Title 1 school where I teach have phones. 3/4 of their phones are better than mine! My DD is in 6th grade and doesn't have a phone. I let her play games on mine but that's it. I don't have the money to pay for a plan for her. Ironic huh?

Phones are cheaper than computers, vacations, enrichment activities, after care, etc. So in a way, it does make some sense.

IPhones are not cheap. Many of these students have the latest iPhone. The phone plus the texting and data plans are not something I can afford to give my child. If I can't afford it as a teacher, how can parents who make less than $25K per year afford this?

I understand and am right there with you but I can tell you how those families afford it. They are not doing things like saving for the future, paying for extracurriculars, or planning any kind of vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I said, my DD does NOT have a phone or her own device. These other girls do. My DD uses our shared family device and I monitor her texting which I began to allow after she showed me she could be responsible.

Like it or not, from my understanding most kids get phones in middle school and begin texting. When my daughter asked about it this seemed like a way to teach her about online communication by talking about it together and me helping her manage it by reading and limiting access.

In terms of diversifying her friend portfolio- yes we are doing that as much as we can. We are new to the area and at a small public school with not a ton of girls in the grade. I'm anxious to move on to middle school where there will be a bigger pond for her to swim in, friend-wise. My daughter is also somewhat shy and anxious which is a bit of a hurdle in meeting new friends. We are working on that.

I have a 5th grade DD who also texts and there are plenty of parent a monitoring and a few time parents have texted back when their were inappropriate texts or too much/too late texting. At the 5the grade level, Don't be afraid to text these girls back, identify yourself and tell them the type of texts they are sending are unacceptable.

I don't think it's "inappropriate" for a 5th grade girl to tell another one that her rude comment hurt her feelings. Of course it's stupid to us, but they're 5th grade girls, this stuff does matter to them. If a mom feels the need to intervene in that interaction to scold a 10 year old girl, that's weird.

What OP needs to do is begin teaching her daughter how to mollify drama before it gets out of hand. "Jenny, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I thought I was joking, but I can see how it might have embarrassed you to be told your food is gross. I'm sorry." And then leave it! Don't engage back and forth, don't say stuff like "Well I wasn't saying it to be mean so get over it." And if it's brought up at school tomorrow all she has to say is, "I already apologized."

The problem with not allowing texting is a) she already does so it's hard to put the horse back in the barn and b) the kids are getting older and all will be texting soon enough. So the DD DOES need to learn appropriate boundaries and how to handle texts and whatnot. You can't just take the easy way out and temporarily ban texting, this will just kick the can down the road so she'll have to deal with it in 7th or 8th grade.

Wow - you are such a sucker I can't believe sometimes how easily adults are manipulated by little kid nonsense.

Seriously, the girl didn't really have her feelings hurt she was just trying to stir the pot and create drama as the OP stated. This happens all the time. Every. Single. Day.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5 th grader and I also don't allow texting. My kids do have devices, we just took out the texting capability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I said, my DD does NOT have a phone or her own device. These other girls do. My DD uses our shared family device and I monitor her texting which I began to allow after she showed me she could be responsible.

Like it or not, from my understanding most kids get phones in middle school and begin texting. When my daughter asked about it this seemed like a way to teach her about online communication by talking about it together and me helping her manage it by reading and limiting access.

In terms of diversifying her friend portfolio- yes we are doing that as much as we can. We are new to the area and at a small public school with not a ton of girls in the grade. I'm anxious to move on to middle school where there will be a bigger pond for her to swim in, friend-wise. My daughter is also somewhat shy and anxious which is a bit of a hurdle in meeting new friends. We are working on that.

I have a 5th grade DD who also texts and there are plenty of parent a monitoring and a few time parents have texted back when their were inappropriate texts or too much/too late texting. At the 5the grade level, Don't be afraid to text these girls back, identify yourself and tell them the type of texts they are sending are unacceptable.

I don't think it's "inappropriate" for a 5th grade girl to tell another one that her rude comment hurt her feelings. Of course it's stupid to us, but they're 5th grade girls, this stuff does matter to them. If a mom feels the need to intervene in that interaction to scold a 10 year old girl, that's weird.

What OP needs to do is begin teaching her daughter how to mollify drama before it gets out of hand. "Jenny, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I thought I was joking, but I can see how it might have embarrassed you to be told your food is gross. I'm sorry." And then leave it! Don't engage back and forth, don't say stuff like "Well I wasn't saying it to be mean so get over it." And if it's brought up at school tomorrow all she has to say is, "I already apologized."

The problem with not allowing texting is a) she already does so it's hard to put the horse back in the barn and b) the kids are getting older and all will be texting soon enough. So the DD DOES need to learn appropriate boundaries and how to handle texts and whatnot. You can't just take the easy way out and temporarily ban texting, this will just kick the can down the road so she'll have to deal with it in 7th or 8th grade.

Wow - you are such a sucker I can't believe sometimes how easily adults are manipulated by little kid nonsense.

Seriously, the girl didn't really have her feelings hurt she was just trying to stir the pot and create drama as the OP stated. This happens all the time. Every. Single. Day.

And? Even if she is, it's just as dramatic for a mom to get on the phone and text back that it's inappropriate. Maybe it did hurt her feelings. Maybe she's shit stirring. Point is, op's daughter and other kids need to learn how to handle that and simply taking the phone and saying the other girls are dramatic doesn't teach them how to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixth grader and we don't allow texting. It's not that hard. Just don't do it.

And your daughter needs some social skills to build up her resilience, and perhaps you need to back away some too. I don't see anything egregious in the communications from the girls you describe as "drama girl" and "pot stirrer" - they are doing exactly what your own daughter did which is to express their opinions of someone else's behavior. Not a big deal.

Good luck with that one, Mom. That will last 5 minutes. No sixth grader does not have access to a phone or computer these days.

My daughter is in 7th and doesn't have a phone. She uses the family computer for a little bit of homework only. Only in the entitled world of DCUM do you assume every 6th grader is texting away. Elementary school is just downright terrible parenting.

Ask a middle school teacher. And, BTW, none of the kids - all with phones- are entitled. They are on free lunch and/or live in HUD housing. Phones are how it's done, period, whether we like it or not. No, I do not agree that they should have them, but they do. Except your kid, I guess. Not only that,the schools encourage BYD- Bring your own device. Not because it is useful in school, but because they can no longer get them to stop using them in class.

How can someone on free lunches walk in with a $300+ phone? That is a bunch of bullshit right there. So sick of paying for families messed up priorities.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked how many people give their kids electronics in 5th grade? My daughter is in 5th and we only see a handful. Maybe because they are not allowed at our school? What is everyone's rationalize for giving their children these smartphones besides just following a pack of other moms? If you just have to be able reach them every second of every day (that is usually the excuse moms with no backbones say) just give them a phone that only calls. Every carrier has one. No need to give kids 10yrs old full internet, text, social media, and non stop games JUST so you can call them if needed. It amazes me how many parents are so scared of their kids being outside alone but have no problems with them looking at screens, the web, texting, and social media all day.

OP, don't come crying here about messed up texts, if you are the one enabling it. Just take away the phone. They are too young to handle permanent consequences from cell phones. You secretly know this but you are looking for other ways instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my middle schoolers in the Title 1 school where I teach have phones. 3/4 of their phones are better than mine! My DD is in 6th grade and doesn't have a phone. I let her play games on mine but that's it. I don't have the money to pay for a plan for her. Ironic huh?

Phones are cheaper than computers, vacations, enrichment activities, after care, etc. So in a way, it does make some sense.

IPhones are not cheap. Many of these students have the latest iPhone. The phone plus the texting and data plans are not something I can afford to give my child. If I can't afford it as a teacher, how can parents who make less than $25K per year afford this?

Ridiculous isn't it? No different than the check cashing stores being right next to liquor stores or dropping your food stamps on lobster. How about the line for brand new iPhones or Michael Jordan's. They sure aren't hard working Americans in those lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shocked how many people give their kids electronics in 5th grade? My daughter is in 5th and we only see a handful. Maybe because they are not allowed at our school? What is everyone's rationalize for giving their children these smartphones besides just following a pack of other moms? If you just have to be able reach them every second of every day (that is usually the excuse moms with no backbones say) just give them a phone that only calls. Every carrier has one. No need to give kids 10yrs old full internet, text, social media, and non stop games JUST so you can call them if needed. It amazes me how many parents are so scared of their kids being outside alone but have no problems with them looking at screens, the web, texting, and social media all day.

OP, don't come crying here about messed up texts, if you are the one enabling it. Just take away the phone. They are too young to handle permanent consequences from cell phones. You secretly know this but you are looking for other ways instead.

In our Bethesda public elementary, devices stay in backpacks and if students are seen or heard using them, they are confiscated and are left at the office to be picked up by the parent.
It's true that I hardly ever see phones whipped out at pick-up time. Most of these kids have their own tablets they leave at home, but phones? Maybe not as many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my middle schoolers in the Title 1 school where I teach have phones. 3/4 of their phones are better than mine! My DD is in 6th grade and doesn't have a phone. I let her play games on mine but that's it. I don't have the money to pay for a plan for her. Ironic huh?

Phones are cheaper than computers, vacations, enrichment activities, after care, etc. So in a way, it does make some sense.

No they aren't! I can get a desktop, microsoft laptop, or a chrome book for cheaper than an Iphone and I don't have to pay a monthly bill for it either.

And if you are picking a phone for your child over aftercare, enrichment, and vacations - that is just about as poor parenting as you can get.