Please help me

[Anonymous]

Good for you for taking that first step, OP. Try the hotline again during regular business hours if you can; maybe you'll get a more experienced person then.

I suggest you get legal advise from a local attorney before you actually leave. There are probably legal issues involved that may affect custody of the children, and you don't want to put yourself in a bad situation unwittingly.

Give yourself some time to think each idea through and don't be afraid to ask more questions and research more information as you need it.

[Anonymous]

What you need before leaving is a P-L-A-N.

The time period when a woman actually leaves her abuser is when she is in the most danger. So tread carefully OP. Please.

You mentioned no close family....Do you have any close friends here who can assist you? Clergyman??

If not then please get crisis counseling stat.
Hopefully you can also tap into any & all resources available in your area.

It is vital that you + your children get away from this toxic individual as soon as it can be done.

Put this #1 on your priority list!! No exceptions! Hopefully you can get information on housing, food assistance & counseling in your community.

And most importantly free legal advice.
If you opt to stay in the U.S. w/your kids, then you will be automatically entitled to full child support and even alimony depending how long you both were married.

Please update us to let us know how good you and your kids are faring.

The best is yet to come....You will see.

Good luck to all of you.

~ A Friend on the West Coast

[Anonymous]

OP, make sure you are covering your tracks online, or only searching and writing about this stuff on a computer or phone only you can access. My abusive ex used to check on my browser history and my email/social media accounts.

[Anonymous]

OP, try the Legal Resource Center on Violence Against Women. They have a database of attorneys who are knowledgeable about interstate custody, but I believe the directors are also quite knowledgeable about international custody issues too.

Website: lrcvaw.org

Phone: [phone]

Email: [e-mail]

Survivor Hotline: [phone]

[Anonymous]

I'm about to go out so this is brief, but I would urge you NOT to take your kids to your home country with you, as their country of residence is the US and you cannot unilaterally make the decision to change that without going through the proper legal channels. Some of the best advice I've seen on this thread is to
1) Talk to a lawyer
2) Document things and gather documents
3) Make a plan
4) Work with a counselor or social worker well versed in issues of domestic violence to create the plan

Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, Op.
I did all of the above but I was still arrested in DC because "we have the right to do so" said the police. Even though I had asked for help and documented things and made a report, nothing mattered when the police showed up who knew nothing about it.
I got arrested, but no papered. So it got worse before it got better. It was so unfair, unreal that I felt like jumping out of the 11th floor window with my child.
Please hang in there, call all the places suggested, but just wanted to let you know that it can also go wrong despite you asking for help. It should all work out at the end and you'll be glad you did it.

[Anonymous]

I was not in your exact situation, but in a verbally abusive frightening situation. I phoned this holiness and they really did save my life: http://womenslaw.org/

You can call as often as you need. I would collect information, horde money, and keep phoning. In my case I scanned all his financial statements, so he could not hide assets. I uploaded them to a dropbox.com at work. I sold my jewelry and would peel out 20 at a time from groceries and hid in a folder at work. I waited for a really bad scene, in hallway, near neighbors, and got an emergency retaining order. I phoned the holiness a lot. It really helped me from feeling so isolated and ashamed.

You can do it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and advice. I am following your comments and checking the suggested webpages. You guys are amazing. Having people care, even if its on an anonymous forum is amazing. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP, the most important thing to do right now is document. If you know that you have to tell him bad news, then turn your phone on before you enter the room and start the conversation. Just make sure to keep it in front of you, because it will not pick up your voice if it's in your back pocket. If you hear your kids talking about how they are scared when daddy is angry, then record that too. Don't shove the phone in their faces, but have an honest conversation with them.
Also, I suggest finding the friend/acquaintance you trust most and start to open up. Don't spill everything at once, but start to let on that there's trouble in your home. That is a good way to test the waters to see if she will be receptive to helping you in any capacity.
I agree with the others--DO NOT remove your children from the US. This will get very messy in a legal way.
A good way to make extra money is by selling old things you don't need. It won't bring in the big bucks, but it will be good if you want to start socking away cash and opening a secret bank account. There are lots of Facebook and email groups out there that you can join. If you are friends with your husband and his friends/family on Facebook, then I suggest you make a new Facebook page with a fake name so they won't see that you're selling anything. I am going to guess that if he found out, then he would make you give him the cash.

OP, you are a smart woman! The fact that you have reached out and been able to even consciously verbalize what is going on is a very big first step in this process of breaking free. You are strong and intelligent. You can do this!

[Shineshelly]

I am so sorry for what you are going through! You are definitely not alone in this situation! Please consider reaching out for help immediately! I believe you were created to have emotional freedom, inner peace, and strong self-esteem. There may still hope that your marriage can be restored with the right help and a commitment from both of you to put the work in! If you are interested, an organization that has helped me in the past offers free one-time consultations as well as referrals for licensed counselors in your area. 1-800-A-Family is the number. Praying for you!

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. You feel alone because you are embarrassed and upset, but you are not alone. I'd start by asking friends back home for advice and support. I'd also reach out to the hotlines to learn more what your options are where you live.

You do not need to put up with your DH. For right now, maybe today, you do, but it's only for the short term. You can get away from him through research and thinking through options and ideas.

You can do this.