Please help me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most lawyers will speak to you for a half hour for free, that would be a starting point.

The PP that gave out the toll free number is a excellent idea too.

There are a lot of lawyers in this town. I need get over whatever it is preventing me from finding and contacting one. If you only knew how long it has taken me to write on this anonymous forum. It will take another 100 years before I actually contact a lawyer. Seriously. I don't know what I was hoping for by posting about this.

[Anonymous]

How old are you children? Have they witnessed the abuse?

[Anonymous]

Start with Doorways and they can guide you to free legal advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most lawyers will speak to you for a half hour for free, that would be a starting point.

The PP that gave out the toll free number is a excellent idea too.

There are so many lawyers in this area. Considering how much time its taken me to write on an anonymous forum, it will take me another 100 years to find and contact a lawyer. But I know, I should get started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you children? Have they witnessed the abuse?

They are young. They have never witnessed any physical abuse. But the emotional is pretty much standard in our house. They know not to upset their daddy.

[Anonymous]

PaigeKeller wrote:I am so so so sorry to be reading this! You are not alone!

I would definitely consider the resources above.

I wish I could hug you right now. I think staying here is your best option but get out of the house. And verbal/nonverbal abuse is as real as physical abuse. I am glad you recognize it for your and your children's sake.

Lots of love to you and your children.

Thank you so much. I could use some hugs. It is so hard taking the leap into the unknown. At the same time, I can't go on like this. I don't want to live like this. And I don't want my children to think this is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are not in physical danger,Nate some time and gather as much information as possible as it relates to your assets. Unless you signed a prenup, half of the marital assets are yours. That money will help you start again. Make a file and keep it somewhere else.

You might even be able to open a credit card for some emergency access to credit.

If you are in physical danger contact a domestic violence shelter or hotline. You could try the family justice center in Rockville. They area one stop shop for services.

I also think you should try to get to your home country. You'll likely have to come back if he wants access to the kids, but you'll have some distance between you for a while and that will be a good thing.

Please get out and be safe. I guarantee that in then end you will be happier.

Thank you. I'm just worried that I have to come back because I haven't prepared enough to be independent. As I said, my parents cannot accommodate us very long. I would be forced to come back if I can't support myself and my children. I need a job and a home. It's hard to secretly apply for jobs in a different country....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are not in physical danger,Nate some time and gather as much information as possible as it relates to your assets. Unless you signed a prenup, half of the marital assets are yours. That money will help you start again. Make a file and keep it somewhere else.

You might even be able to open a credit card for some emergency access to credit.

If you are in physical danger contact a domestic violence shelter or hotline. You could try the family justice center in Rockville. They area one stop shop for services.

I also think you should try to get to your home country. You'll likely have to come back if he wants access to the kids, but you'll have some distance between you for a while and that will be a good thing.

Please get out and be safe. I guarantee that in then end you will be happier.

Thank you. I'm just worried that I have to come back because I haven't prepared enough to be independent. As I said, my parents cannot accommodate us very long. I would be forced to come back if I can't support myself and my children. I need a job and a home. It's hard to secretly apply for jobs in a different country....

But on the other hand. Maybe I should just get the fuck out. Anything is better than this.

[Anonymous]

http://www.tahirih.org

Call them. I was in the same situation than you. I am from Europe too. I was totally alone and didn't know where to start. They can help you or refer you to somebody else.

Be strong. Make calls, be proactive, don't be afraid of asking for help. Good luck op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.tahirih.org

Call them. I was in the same situation than you. I am from Europe too. I was totally alone and didn't know where to start. They can help you or refer you to somebody else.

Be strong. Make calls, be proactive, don't be afraid of asking for help. Good luck op.

Ok. I will call them. Thank you. I have to wait until Tuesday though. Funny how I want to suddenly dig into things quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://www.tahirih.org

Call them. I was in the same situation than you. I am from Europe too. I was totally alone and didn't know where to start. They can help you or refer you to somebody else.

Be strong. Make calls, be proactive, don't be afraid of asking for help. Good luck op.

Ok. I will call them. Thank you. I have to wait until Tuesday though. Funny how I want to suddenly dig into things quickly.

Being strong and proactive is the hardest part. It's so difficult to event think straight anymore. It's easier just to resign. But then something will happen that just wakes me up from my "coma". How do I want to raise my children? My daughter? I can't do this to her. I need to be strong.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is 20:48 again. It makes me sad to hear about your situation. It sounds like the children are also affected by the emotional abuse. Know that this is *not your fault,* and you don't deserve to be spoken to disrespectfully or treated poorly by the man who promised to love and cherish you.

You owe it to your children to take good care of them, and that also means taking good care of their mommy -- you. You have to be your own best friend here. What would you tell a friend in the same situation?

It is a huge and scary step to think about leaving a spouse. Take baby steps if you have to. First, start getting the information you need. Please do go to the hotline.org. It's completely anonymous and available 24 hours. If you click on the link "Get Help," they have contact info for all local programs by state. There are also links to lots of other helpful information. Having information does not mean you have to act on it immediately. But you can start to plan.

Right now your husband's abusive behavior has you afraid and confused, but you'll start to feel better as you work to regain your lost confidence. Do you remember the person you were before? That's the mommy your children deserve to see. Good luck, I really wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's better for you to stay here in the US. Your husband will prevent you from taking your children out of the country. You need to start documenting abuse, just write down the date, time, what he says, etc, try to save some money too, little by little, make copies of all important documents : your and your kids social security cards, medical records, passports, your immigration documents, try to find out about his assets, make copies of bank statements, etc. Do it secretly so he will not find out or suspect anything. Never tell him that you are planning to leave or you are in contact with the domestic violence center. Honestly, if he tries to hit you or push you etc, call the police. Your children and you are entitled to financial support from him in case of divorce. Try to ask your friends if you can stay with them just in case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is 20:48 again. It makes me sad to hear about your situation. It sounds like the children are also affected by the emotional abuse. Know that this is *not your fault,* and you don't deserve to be spoken to disrespectfully or treated poorly by the man who promised to love and cherish you.

You owe it to your children to take good care of them, and that also means taking good care of their mommy -- you. You have to be your own best friend here. What would you tell a friend in the same situation?

It is a huge and scary step to think about leaving a spouse. Take baby steps if you have to. First, start getting the information you need. Please do go to the hotline.org. It's completely anonymous and available 24 hours. If you click on the link "Get Help," they have contact info for all local programs by state. There are also links to lots of other helpful information. Having information does not mean you have to act on it immediately. But you can start to plan.

Right now your husband's abusive behavior has you afraid and confused, but you'll start to feel better as you work to regain your lost confidence. Do you remember the person you were before? That's the mommy your children deserve to see. Good luck, I really wish you the best.

Thank you for your kind words. I went to the webpage and almost had a complete breakdown when I read about what abuse is and how to safety plan. I can't believe I haven't done this sooner. Nor can I believe that i'm in a position that requires me too. I also tried the online chat but that wasn't too impressive. I felt like I was chatting with a 21 year old law school student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's better for you to stay here in the US. Your husband will prevent you from taking your children out of the country. You need to start documenting abuse, just write down the date, time, what he says, etc, try to save some money too, little by little, make copies of all important documents : your and your kids social security cards, medical records, passports, your immigration documents, try to find out about his assets, make copies of bank statements, etc. Do it secretly so he will not find out or suspect anything. Never tell him that you are planning to leave or you are in contact with the domestic violence center. Honestly, if he tries to hit you or push you etc, call the police. Your children and you are entitled to financial support from him in case of divorce. Try to ask your friends if you can stay with them just in case.

I just don't know what to do with the information once I've gathered it. I need a purpose, a goal. I also find it funny that you mentioned friends. I'm not really "allowed" to have friends. It's not like I don't but it's all pretty shallow. I wonder what they would say if I would ask to stay at their place with my kids....I think hopping on a plane is my better bet. Or a shelter. Or a hotel. Oh gosh.