One Night Stands

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's unappealing if you're a male or female and are willing to go to bed on a 1st or 2nd date with a unknown person.

Shows a lack of respect for themselves, their health and poor judgement.

I'd call it unappealing if you're a male or female who *doesn't* fuck on the first date if you like someone. Would demonstrate you're a bore with poor life priorities.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would look at it as you found out up front what you were working with. Would you feel better if you had waited the 3 dates, invested your time & energy and then he didn't call?

Most decent guys don't want anything long term with women who do that. When she did that she kind of made that choice it wasn't going anywhere.

If a guy wouldn't want a long term relationship with a woman because she's open to one night stands, literally by definition he isn't "a decent guy", he's a piece of shit.

So if a woman wants a one night stand with a man but he tells her that is not what he is interested iguy n, he isn't a decent guy? What kind of convoluted logic is that? Maybe to him sex is not something you do on a casual basis. But I guess this is DCUMland, where unless you have a large number of partners and are totally uninhibited and the man is not completely in agreement with this, well, you are just a pathetic guy......

If the guy personally wants to wait, then hey, fine for him, and she can choose to take it slow with him if she wants -- but that doesn't mean it's valid for him to have an opinion about her having one night stands with other people.

The key flaw here is in assuming that having one night stands marks you as a "certain type of person", rather than just being a personal preference and nothing more.

But people who are ok with ONS re "certain kinds of people" as are people who aren't into casual sex. It's a difference of compatibility and in some cases values and when it comes to relationships it's fine for anyone man or woman to have an opinion on the kinds of values they want in a potential life partner.

It's really not fine to prefer that your partner hasn't previously had a bunch of other partners, actually -- it's pretty clear evidence you've failed at life.

It's actually perfectly fine to have that preference.

Also for people who have mentally matured past the age of 15 success is not defined by how many people you have slept with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's unappealing if you're a male or female and are willing to go to bed on a 1st or 2nd date with a unknown person.

Shows a lack of respect for themselves, their health and poor judgement.

Oh God, we made worse decisions than having sex early. She bought a Volkswagen; that was a horrible decision. Result of poor judgement #1 is pinging me about financial aid forms right now from her dorm room.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you call him? I mean, you were big enough to take his cock ... so be big enough to call him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you call him? I mean, you were big enough to take his cock ... so be big enough to call him.

You're shaming. There is no need for language like that. If you said, "why don't you just call him after all you had sex", fine. But you
are trying to make a stranger who shared something feel bad about herself. And that says a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the support and advice. I ended-up calling the guy and leaving a short voicemail. This morning he sent an email: "Hi ____, Fun times last night! However, I don't feel like we have much in common. I'm sure you'll find someone and I'll be kicking myself for missing out."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Did I mess up? I usually wait until date 3 to have sex and am no virgin but I'm not promiscuous either. I've only had three one nights stands in college. Can I fix this?

No, you didn't mess up. It has nothing to do with you. He's just the kind of guy who isn't interested in follow-up/cannot be bothered. There's nothing to fix. You found out quickly what he was after and now you put him behind you (if you're not interested in another hook-up without more).

+1 Why would you want to fix it? The guy isn't awesome - even if it was purely sexual, he should have at least called or texted to thank you for the date.
I don't think there's anything wrong with sex on the first date - I know people who married their first-night stands. But in general, if you're looking for something enduring, I would wait a bit longer, as you did in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the support and advice. I ended-up calling the guy and leaving a short voicemail. This morning he sent an email: "Hi ____, Fun times last night! However, I don't feel like we have much in common. I'm sure you'll find someone and I'll be kicking myself for missing out."

He's pretty cheesy. But at least he was being respectful. I didn't realize the date was only the night before you posted. So it sounds like he was just looking for sex. Chalk it up to a (hopefully safe) night of fun. Nothing wrong with that!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes live and learn. I won't make that mistake again. Do you think it would be rude to ask the guy if he told me the truth that he has no stds? We weren't safe. Please no flames. I was stupid and not thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes live and learn. I won't make that mistake again. Do you think it would be rude to ask the guy if he told me the truth that he has no stds? We weren't safe. Please no flames. I was stupid and not thinking.

The damage is done. Just go to the doctor and get tested next week. And then follow up again in six months.

And use condoms until you're in a monogamous relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I usually wait six or seven dates to have sex becasue that's my comfort level.

But I'm a big believer that if a guy would judge you for having sex on the he first date, he probably has sexist madonna whore issues and you are better off without him.

Oh thank god for DCUM. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes live and learn. I won't make that mistake again. Do you think it would be rude to ask the guy if he told me the truth that he has no stds? We weren't safe. Please no flames. I was stupid and not thinking.

The damage is done. Just go to the doctor and get tested next week. And then follow up again in six months.

And use condoms until you're in a monogamous relationship.

Use Condoms until your married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the support and advice. I ended-up calling the guy and leaving a short voicemail. This morning he sent an email: "Hi ____, Fun times last night! However, I don't feel like we have much in common. I'm sure you'll find someone and I'll be kicking myself for missing out."

What a asshole. You had enough in common that night when he wanted get in your pants. OP just be glad you didn't waste more oxygen on this twit. Don't contact him again about anything.

[Anonymous]

OP troll fail

[Anonymous]

I think this thread was started by a troll. It was designed to elicit yes she is a slut to no she isn't discussion. I mean c'mon, a grown up has to ask what the supposed OP did?