Update on husband had baby with assistant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, OP. You are a strong woman.

How are your kids holding up? Do they accept their new half sibling?

Read below, he's not the legal father so they don't have any half siblings.


"Mind you, her husband is the legal father".

Well they are blood half siblings legal or not.

No they're nothing to each other. There's a legal father. Doesn't matter what he/she said, lol.

OP get divorced, and once you feel ready to date I am sure you will find someone down the road that appreciates you. Forget about exes drama.

Are you kidding? If my dad had an affair and I had a half sibling, I would want to know about it.

To my knowledge paternity hasn't been established, there's not even a paternity order. Are you kidding? Hopefully OP understands all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, OP. You are a strong woman.

How are your kids holding up? Do they accept their new half sibling?

Read below, he's not the legal father so they don't have any half siblings.


"Mind you, her husband is the legal father".

Well they are blood half siblings legal or not.

No they're nothing to each other. There's a legal father. Doesn't matter what he/she said, lol.

OP get divorced, and once you feel ready to date I am sure you will find someone down the road that appreciates you. Forget about exes drama.

Are you kidding? If my dad had an affair and I had a half sibling, I would want to know about it.

Our dad married a much younger woman when we were all grown. We were shocked when she told us years later they thought about having a child. When I told my sister and brother they had the same feelings I did. None of us would have considered that child a sibling. Everyone's different but in this scenario there's only the other woman who is alledging it's her husband's child. For all we know there could be other drive by's or her husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Are you kidding? If my dad had an affair and I had a half sibling, I would want to know about it.

(raises hand) My dad had many babies with APs! I didn't find out about the half siblings (six of them in total from different APs) until I was an adult. Probably best that was kept from me when I was a kid. What a dirty dog he is. Haven't spoken to him since my mom kicked him out.

Was paternity legally established for all those kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck to you. It has been interesting following your journey, but I am sorry you had to go through this. I would have made the same decision.

I have a friend who decided to stay and welcome the stepson who is a few months older than her youngest child. Three years down the road, it seems to be working, but only because the baby mama was a one-night-stand and out of the picture.

I admire your friend but if my DH sired a bastard there is no way in Hell I would ever allow communication/connection with my children. I would also divorce my DH because I could not be married to a man I could not trust.

Cute, but it's not your decision. If the court orders visitation and communication, you will allow it or you will go to jail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much for the positive support. My kids do not know that he exists at this point. That is on my husband to deal with that news. I have repeatedly asked him to consult with some child psychologists to find out what would be the best for them. It has been three months and of course, he has done nothing. The OW is married but constantly calls my soon to be ex yelling at him that he needs to see the child. (He has, just not enough for her). She is also calling my mother-one-law and telling her she needs to see the child because he is her biological grandson. She is now threatening to sue for child support. Mind you, her husband is the legal father.

Not my monkeys, not my circus anymore!!!!!

He's horrible, and it will get better the further you distance yourself from this nut.

Until there's DNA and he's declared the LEGAL father he's technically not the father. I wouldn't involve the children at all unless he's put on the birth certificate. Otherwise I certainly wouldn't consider that child to be related to yours. As you said that's his problem, BUT I would make it clear he not talk to the children about it. The child could be anyone's at this point, and apparently your ex is a pathological liar and cheater.

At this point he may never be the legal father, and that's what counts.

I would move on from your ex with very little contact only related to the visitation. I would get it written in the divorce that your kids are not to be alone with any women he may be dating. Only agreed on sitter, or relatives.

I agree with this PP.

Wishing you all the best, OP. Your thread was one of the first I ever read on DCUM, and I was truly moved by your story. I'm sorry to hear of your struggle, and wishing for better days ahead for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much for the positive support. My kids do not know that he exists at this point. That is on my husband to deal with that news. I have repeatedly asked him to consult with some child psychologists to find out what would be the best for them. It has been three months and of course, he has done nothing. The OW is married but constantly calls my soon to be ex yelling at him that he needs to see the child. (He has, just not enough for her). She is also calling my mother-one-law and telling her she needs to see the child because he is her biological grandson. She is now threatening to sue for child support. Mind you, her husband is the legal father.

Not my monkeys, not my circus anymore!!!!!

He's horrible, and it will get better the further you distance yourself from this nut.

Until there's DNA and he's declared the LEGAL father he's technically not the father. I wouldn't involve the children at all unless he's put on the birth certificate. Otherwise I certainly wouldn't consider that child to be related to yours. As you said that's his problem, BUT I would make it clear he not talk to the children about it. The child could be anyone's at this point, and apparently your ex is a pathological liar and cheater.

At this point he may never be the legal father, and that's what counts.

I would move on from your ex with very little contact only related to the visitation. I would get it written in the divorce that your kids are not to be alone with any women he may be dating. Only agreed on sitter, or relatives.

I agree with this PP.

Wishing you all the best, OP. Your thread was one of the first I ever read on DCUM, and I was truly moved by your story. I'm sorry to hear of your struggle, and wishing for better days ahead for you.

Where is the thread?

[Anonymous]

Stay strong, OP. I hope you find peace, happiness, and love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck to you. It has been interesting following your journey, but I am sorry you had to go through this. I would have made the same decision.

I have a friend who decided to stay and welcome the stepson who is a few months older than her youngest child. Three years down the road, it seems to be working, but only because the baby mama was a one-night-stand and out of the picture.

I admire your friend but if my DH sired a bastard there is no way in Hell I would ever allow communication/connection with my children. I would also divorce my DH because I could not be married to a man I could not trust.

Cute, but it's not your decision. If the court orders visitation and communication, you will allow it or you will go to jail.

The court cannot order me to have communication or visitation with his bastard child. DH could meet and visit outside my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much for the positive support. My kids do not know that he exists at this point. That is on my husband to deal with that news. I have repeatedly asked him to consult with some child psychologists to find out what would be the best for them. It has been three months and of course, he has done nothing. The OW is married but constantly calls my soon to be ex yelling at him that he needs to see the child. (He has, just not enough for her). She is also calling my mother-one-law and telling her she needs to see the child because he is her biological grandson. She is now threatening to sue for child support. Mind you, her husband is the legal father.

Not my monkeys, not my circus anymore!!!!!

He's horrible, and it will get better the further you distance yourself from this nut.

Until there's DNA and he's declared the LEGAL father he's technically not the father. I wouldn't involve the children at all unless he's put on the birth certificate. Otherwise I certainly wouldn't consider that child to be related to yours. As you said that's his problem, BUT I would make it clear he not talk to the children about it. The child could be anyone's at this point, and apparently your ex is a pathological liar and cheater.

At this point he may never be the legal father, and that's what counts.

I would move on from your ex with very little contact only related to the visitation. I would get it written in the divorce that your kids are not to be alone with any women he may be dating. Only agreed on sitter, or relatives.

I agree with this PP.

Wishing you all the best, OP. Your thread was one of the first I ever read on DCUM, and I was truly moved by your story. I'm sorry to hear of your struggle, and wishing for better days ahead for you.

Where is the thread?

Can't believe I found it: http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/419905.page#5893983

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much for the positive support. My kids do not know that he exists at this point. That is on my husband to deal with that news. I have repeatedly asked him to consult with some child psychologists to find out what would be the best for them. It has been three months and of course, he has done nothing. The OW is married but constantly calls my soon to be ex yelling at him that he needs to see the child. (He has, just not enough for her). She is also calling my mother-one-law and telling her she needs to see the child because he is her biological grandson. She is now threatening to sue for child support. Mind you, her husband is the legal father.

Not my monkeys, not my circus anymore!!!!!

Apparently your husband was never the father to begin with but he stupidly believed this trollop. If he was smart he would cut all contact with this nut case. I think to begin with if you both did that you might have had a chance, but sadly she sucked you both in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Are you kidding? If my dad had an affair and I had a half sibling, I would want to know about it.

(raises hand) My dad had many babies with APs! I didn't find out about the half siblings (six of them in total from different APs) until I was an adult. Probably best that was kept from me when I was a kid. What a dirty dog he is. Haven't spoken to him since my mom kicked him out.

Was paternity legally established for all those kids?

Yup. He had money, he didn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, OP. You are a strong woman.

How are your kids holding up? Do they accept their new half sibling?

Read below, he's not the legal father so they don't have any half siblings.


"Mind you, her husband is the legal father".

Well they are blood half siblings legal or not.

No they're nothing to each other. There's a legal father. Doesn't matter what he/she said, lol.

OP get divorced, and once you feel ready to date I am sure you will find someone down the road that appreciates you. Forget about exes drama.

Are you kidding? If my dad had an affair and I had a half sibling, I would want to know about it.

+1, only this was my reality. So happy to know my brother today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, OP. You are a strong woman.

How are your kids holding up? Do they accept their new half sibling?

Read below, he's not the legal father so they don't have any half siblings.


"Mind you, her husband is the legal father".

Well they are blood half siblings legal or not.

No they're nothing to each other. There's a legal father. Doesn't matter what he/she said, lol.

OP get divorced, and once you feel ready to date I am sure you will find someone down the road that appreciates you. Forget about exes drama.

Are you kidding? If my dad had an affair and I had a half sibling, I would want to know about it.

+1, only this was my reality. So happy to know my brother today.

The mother won't get a paternity test and the baby is a toddler now, lol. It looks like she enjoyed playing a game with OP and her DH. There's no 1/2 siblings fyi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good luck, OP. You are a strong woman.

How are your kids holding up? Do they accept their new half sibling?

Read below, he's not the legal father so they don't have any half siblings.


"Mind you, her husband is the legal father".

Well they are blood half siblings legal or not.

No they're nothing to each other. There's a legal father. Doesn't matter what he/she said, lol.

OP get divorced, and once you feel ready to date I am sure you will find someone down the road that appreciates you. Forget about exes drama.

Are you kidding? If my dad had an affair and I had a half sibling, I would want to know about it.

To my knowledge paternity hasn't been established, there's not even a paternity order. Are you kidding? Hopefully OP understands all this.

So op is divorcing him largely because he had a baby with his assistant. She's not denying his paternity. Her kids are the other child's half siblings- there is that biological tie.
That being said, I don't think OP is under any obligation to make sure they get to know each other or even worry about introducing them . But that doesn't erase the biological reality.
Best of luck to you in the future OP! Sounds like you are handling it all well and you will get through this intact and, likely, better than before!

[Anonymous]

OP here - the biological connection means nothing to me. My daughter is adopted and my son is biological and they are 100% brother and sister. They are very close.

Thanks again for the positive support.