If you have a disabled person in your family, who supports him/her financially?

[Anonymous]

1) Give your brother a house and a car, and set him up with basic personal goods.

2) Primary residence and car and personal affects don't count as assets, so he will qualify for SSI.

3) Without rent, with food stamps, $800 + will pay for a pretty good lifestyle of food and utilities and some spending money.

3) If he has a two bedroom or more, he can rent out rooms, and then that income can be applied to the 1/2 (or whatever division of roommates) of the property taxes, utilities, and any other household fees.

4) DO NOT GIVE HIM GROCERY GIFT CARDS. This is in-kind support and will directly subtract from his disability income. If it is unreported he may lose his disability.

5) You can provide for non-essentials, such as a netflix subscription or a new computer or a travel costs to visit family, I'm pretty sure. But don't go above $2000 in assets or expenses, as that may trigger problems again.

[Anonymous]

OP - for your brother, he should have a Mental Health Case Manager, and if he is able to he should go to a day program or work with the local Vocational Agency to see about getting job search support and training for a part-time job. He should also be on the list for Section 8 Housing support in your area. Your husband has every right and you do, too, to expect him to have a bares bones budget unless he is working and paying for any extras. You may also want to talk to his Case Manager as there may well be supported housing apartments for the mentally ill that he could live in with support to help him maintain his health and lifestyle.

You also will have to separate how perhaps you both were raised and your expectations for how you will live as they probably will be very different. Your family now is your DH ad your children. If your folks are still alive, be sure that they have a Special Needs Trust established for any assets he might inherit so his benefits are not endangered. It is hard to acknowledge but our youngest earns $11.40 in a college dining room working part-time as she has a cognitive disability while her two older sisters are both professionals, married with young families in the DC area. While we are here to support her, we know her lifestyle will be very good, but in the future so much remains unknown, and, of course, there is a sadness that her life did not take the same trajectory as her sisters. You work with the cards you are dealt to the best of your abilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP - for your brother, he should have a Mental Health Case Manager, and if he is able to he should go to a day program or work with the local Vocational Agency to see about getting job search support and training for a part-time job. He should also be on the list for Section 8 Housing support in your area. Your husband has every right and you do, too, to expect him to have a bares bones budget unless he is working and paying for any extras. You may also want to talk to his Case Manager as there may well be supported housing apartments for the mentally ill that he could live in with support to help him maintain his health and lifestyle.

You also will have to separate how perhaps you both were raised and your expectations for how you will live as they probably will be very different. Your family now is your DH ad your children. If your folks are still alive, be sure that they have a Special Needs Trust established for any assets he might inherit so his benefits are not endangered. It is hard to acknowledge but our youngest earns $11.40 in a college dining room working part-time as she has a cognitive disability while her two older sisters are both professionals, married with young families in the DC area. While we are here to support her, we know her lifestyle will be very good, but in the future so much remains unknown, and, of course, there is a sadness that her life did not take the same trajectory as her sisters. You work with the cards you are dealt to the best of your abilities.

Now one wrinkle here is that OP DH makes $1M/year so could easily setup a very comfortable lifestyle and trust and likely have very little impact on their own lives. But her DH opposes that idea completely, so OP must work to ensure a sustainable lifestyle from government programs can be set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mentally ill brother. Right now we support my brother and DH brings this up every time we discuss money. It is hard enough to have a brother who suffers from mental illness. DH on top of that just makes it so much worse.

Please define mental illness.
If I were your DH it would depend on what mental illness he had, if it was temporary or permanent and if it was self-inflicted over a period of time.

what mental illnesses are "self-inflicted" ? I truly don't understand to what you are referring.

[Anonymous]

drug addiction causes mental illness.

it's one of the biggest problems in social services and homeless centers.

regardless, now I am curious what mental illness OP is talking about. OCD?

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar boat and also have an adult sibling with significant mental health issues. He also receives disability. Can you please share tips on how to obtain a Mental Health case manager? My worry is that my elderly parents are doing more harm than good with their support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My mother has advanced MS, and has been fully supported for decades by my father.

One of my aunts is physically and mentally handicapped, and is supported by her country of residence (not the US).

One of my nephews has untreated Asperger's, anxiety and other disorders (untreated meaning no therapy, no meds and no recognition of his many struggles and needs), and has dropped out of college and lives off his father, playing video games all day.

There is no treatment or cure for Asperger's. When kids are little they can do ABA, but generally it is not for adults.

I am well aware of this. But certain aspects of it can be examined and talked about with a professional, particularly the social training, even for adults. And my nephew desperately needs therapy and meds for his anxiety and inability to sleep.

Its a bit late for social training.

No, it's not. Lots of grown adults with Asperger's learn social interaction by rules and scripting. They analyse it. You can teach it, just like any other subject.