spouse has a match profile

[Anonymous]

I agree with the others who advised you to play detective and gather evidence before confronting. Otherwise spouse will mindfuck you with excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things have been pretty rocky for a while and just aren't working well anymore, long-term marriage and 2 teenage kids. Now I've been made aware that my spouse has a profile on Match.

What would you do?

screen shot everything and set up 10 interviews with all the top divorce attorneys in your jurisdiction. That is money in the bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the point of documenting an attempt at an affair? What purpose does it serve in a divorce? If your spouse is cheating, then tell them you want a divorce. You should document all of your shared assets, post haste.

That's the purpose of not blabbing to your spouse the moment you see one thing. Because let's say the spouse is cheating. Now you've just given them fair warning to go clean up every loose end, delete profiles, emails, phone calls, warn the other persons etc.

And that spouse will swear til they are blue in the face nothing ever happened. And you have nothing to show otherwise because you acted hastily instead of smartly.

And even if documentation is not pertinent in court to divorce it gives you all kinds of leverage.

What kind of leverage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get prepared for divorce - move as much money into your name as you can to make sure you and the kids are protected. Get a consult with an attorney.

Get a match account and use it to confront him. He's cheating. Make copies of the account.

Off topic, but DCUM always throws this advice out there. You can't just take household money and hide it in preparation for separation. I mean, I guess you could, but it's going to come out sooner or later, and that will not go well in the long term. No matter what you all think about 'cheaters', a couple remains in a relationship after separation, especially if kids are involved. Creating this kind of hostile environment does not make any sense at all. Lawyering up before they even talked?? That's an attorney's wettest dream. Doing this ensures that the couple will be sinking tens of thousands of dollars into the process. This sort of knee-jerk reaction is what divorce attorneys live for.

Try sitting down with your spouse and discussing this. If you decide to separate, do it intelligently and as amicably as possible. Hiding money and having secret consultations with a lawyer is going to blow up in your face, OP.

-BR

Sure you can because nothing is filed. Once someone cheats it's not amicable, and they chose that course of action.

You don't have to hid the money. You just want it in your name to control it. I'd pull a good chunk of money out of our joint accounts if I ever though my husband was cheating (he knows I would). You don't want the spouse to leave, take all the money and leave you with kids you cannot care for.

[Anonymous]

Oy vey! Deal buster. Dump his sorry ass. Don't get mad, get even.

Peace.
Out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things have been pretty rocky for a while and just aren't working well anymore, long-term marriage and 2 teenage kids. Now I've been made aware that my spouse has a profile on Match.

What would you do?

Curious. How did you find spouse's profile on Match???

I would definitely do a little more investigation before revealing my information. He/she has a profile. But is he/she cheating for sure??? Planning on it?? I think you need to do more research. And then report back here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As 11:53 said, they will lie lie lie lie until you feel like you're losing your mind and doubting yourself and everything you saw. And it's exhausting and a total mindfuck to deal with. Knowledge is power, and in this case, sanity. It doesn't matter whether you intend to work on the marriage or divorce. You need to know what your reality is, which means you get the information before they can twist it up and hide things.

This. +1 million. I confronted too early and she just blew it all off and gaslighted me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As 11:53 said, they will lie lie lie lie until you feel like you're losing your mind and doubting yourself and everything you saw. And it's exhausting and a total mindfuck to deal with. Knowledge is power, and in this case, sanity. It doesn't matter whether you intend to work on the marriage or divorce. You need to know what your reality is, which means you get the information before they can twist it up and hide things.

I experienced this as well. My husband wouldn't tell the truth until I got on my knees crying and begged him to tell me the truth. It was so pathetic. He claims he didn't tell me the truth because he didn't want me to leave.

[Anonymous]

Getting divorce on grounds of adultery is $$$. But it can save $$$ down the road (in VA at least, as a spouse divorced for grounds of adultery doesn't get alimony) and possibly time (divorce can be granted more quickly.)

Not sure how you can get more information -- is it being used actively or was it created 3 years ago and never used since (e.g. something like OKCupid's quizzes wanting your DH to register)? But get that first. You may need a PI to gather information and that will be $$$.

Once you have ascertained he is cheating or looking actively to cheat then it is decision time.

First Q: decide if you want to divorce.

If YES, then meet with an attorney. Do not confront as this will make your spouse hide, go deeper, lie more, or even take $$$ out (the $200k stolen from joint accounts and put in gold, wow!) Only when you have evidence, a little (or a lot) of $$$ to live on, and a solid escape plan do you confront.

If NO, then just get screenshots. React according to their reaction.

[Anonymous]

It may not mean anything. I have an account because my same sex friend told me to look at her profile.

[Anonymous]

Anyone know if they delete old/inactive accounts? I have one from a long time ago (pre-dating...pre-marriage) that I don't even remember the login or e-mail address I used to open the account.

[Anonymous]

The difference may be if your spouse asks you about your match profile, you'd say exactly what you said here (e.g. i made it to look at a friend's profile) and then open up the account for him/her RIGHT THEN AND THERE. If spouse denies, or "doesn't remember" goes and deletes the account, or won't share the passwords or pretends it is just to look at the pretty people but it doesn't mean anything how could you suspect ME???? ... well, that's the red flag.