spouse has a match profile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things have been pretty rocky for a while and just aren't working well anymore, long-term marriage and 2 teenage kids. Now I've been made aware that my spouse has a profile on Match.

What would you do?

Still not an excuse to cheat. I would start putting money away and get yourself set up.

Email the profile, see what you can find out.

Why do people play games like this?

TALK TO HIM. Tell him you know. Discuss it like the adults I presume you are.

Sorry, but this is the worst advice ever. Your DH is showing himself to be dishonest, untrustworthy, and out for only his own self-interest. It would be delusional to think you can sit down and discuss the issues when one person has already demonstrated immature communication and problem solving skills.

OP, wait, watch, continue to gather evidence. See an attorney think about what you want in life (house? custody? education to imprive career options?, retirement assets?). Line up your team and game plan so you can move on with your life in a happy, healthy and secure fashion.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him about it. I had a Match profile and an Ashley Madison profile just because I was curious about the sites. I never did anything with it. I was just poking around to see how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask him about it. I had a Match profile and an Ashley Madison profile just because I was curious about the sites. I never did anything with it. I was just poking around to see how it works.

And she can only find out if that is true off she/he approaches her/him anonymously, which is my recommendation. It is certainly what I would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get prepared for divorce - move as much money into your name as you can to make sure you and the kids are protected. Get a consult with an attorney.

Get a match account and use it to confront him. He's cheating. Make copies of the account.

Off topic, but DCUM always throws this advice out there. You can't just take household money and hide it in preparation for separation. I mean, I guess you could, but it's going to come out sooner or later, and that will not go well in the long term. No matter what you all think about 'cheaters', a couple remains in a relationship after separation, especially if kids are involved. Creating this kind of hostile environment does not make any sense at all. Lawyering up before they even talked?? That's an attorney's wettest dream. Doing this ensures that the couple will be sinking tens of thousands of dollars into the process. This sort of knee-jerk reaction is what divorce attorneys live for.

Try sitting down with your spouse and discussing this. If you decide to separate, do it intelligently and as amicably as possible. Hiding money and having secret consultations with a lawyer is going to blow up in your face, OP.

-BR

Yes you can. Nothing stopping her. A judge could order it be shared, but at least she/he has a plan. I take money out of our joint. Whose to stop me (my husband doesn't care)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get prepared for divorce - move as much money into your name as you can to make sure you and the kids are protected. Get a consult with an attorney.

Get a match account and use it to confront him. He's cheating. Make copies of the account.

Off topic, but DCUM always throws this advice out there. You can't just take household money and hide it in preparation for separation. I mean, I guess you could, but it's going to come out sooner or later, and that will not go well in the long term. No matter what you all think about 'cheaters', a couple remains in a relationship after separation, especially if kids are involved. Creating this kind of hostile environment does not make any sense at all. Lawyering up before they even talked?? That's an attorney's wettest dream. Doing this ensures that the couple will be sinking tens of thousands of dollars into the process. This sort of knee-jerk reaction is what divorce attorneys live for.

Try sitting down with your spouse and discussing this. If you decide to separate, do it intelligently and as amicably as possible. Hiding money and having secret consultations with a lawyer is going to blow up in your face, OP.

-BR

My wife moved all of our assets into her name, and tried to hide them. The judge looked at it negatively. Have a little so you can survive the initial separation, but realize that marital assets will be split. It would have been 50/50, but her moving 200K in to gold and hiding it (which was found), meant that I got 200K in gold. (we had documentation showing she was trying to steal it. I also got custody of the kid.

Yes you can. Nothing stopping her. A judge could order it be shared, but at least she/he has a plan. I take money out of our joint. Whose to stop me (my husband doesn't care)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to HER. Ask HER why she did this. Protect yourself from HER.

Gender was never mentioned in OPs post.

Exactly... so why is everyone assuming it is a husband? See your bias?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to HER. Ask HER why she did this. Protect yourself from HER.

Gender was never mentioned in OPs post.

When gender isn't mentioned, it's obviously being posted by a man. The cheater in this case is the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to HER. Ask HER why she did this. Protect yourself from HER.

Gender was never mentioned in OPs post.

When gender isn't mentioned, it's obviously being posted by a man. The cheater in this case is the wife.

...because for some reason, women on DCUM always give different advice when the question is coming from a man. In this case, it should be the same advice, but the angry women will assume it's the man who has the Match profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get prepared for divorce - move as much money into your name as you can to make sure you and the kids are protected. Get a consult with an attorney.

Get a match account and use it to confront him. He's cheating. Make copies of the account.

Off topic, but DCUM always throws this advice out there. You can't just take household money and hide it in preparation for separation. I mean, I guess you could, but it's going to come out sooner or later, and that will not go well in the long term. No matter what you all think about 'cheaters', a couple remains in a relationship after separation, especially if kids are involved. Creating this kind of hostile environment does not make any sense at all. Lawyering up before they even talked?? That's an attorney's wettest dream. Doing this ensures that the couple will be sinking tens of thousands of dollars into the process. This sort of knee-jerk reaction is what divorce attorneys live for.

Try sitting down with your spouse and discussing this. If you decide to separate, do it intelligently and as amicably as possible. Hiding money and having secret consultations with a lawyer is going to blow up in your face, OP.

-BR

Sure you can because nothing is filed. Once someone cheats it's not amicable, and they chose that course of action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things have been pretty rocky for a while and just aren't working well anymore, long-term marriage and 2 teenage kids. Now I've been made aware that my spouse has a profile on Match.

What would you do?

Still not an excuse to cheat. I would start putting money away and get yourself set up.

Email the profile, see what you can find out.

Why do people play games like this?

TALK TO HIM. Tell him you know. Discuss it like the adults I presume you are.

I disagree. Get your ducks in a row. Don't show your hand. Gather as much info as possible, whichever way possible.

Liars and cheaters only admit what they know you know, not an inch more. If you tell him everything, zero percent chance you'll get the whole story.

This is true, and every attorney will tell you this. Do NOT tell him you know. Document everything. Collect all your financial documents so he/she doesn't hide money. Cheaters hide money.

And call an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Take half the money out of your joint accounts, but not until moments before you file.

For now, track down every single penny in every single account so that he can't try to hide it: saving and checking acts, retirement, stocks and bonds etc, deeds to homes, mortgage accounts, car loans, etc.

find the deed to your house, your marriage certificate, your SS card - every piece of paper you can imagine.

Also check his credit cards to see if he's spending money on dates: restaurants, bars, hotels, Uber, etc. Check the Easy Pass. Check withdrawals from his bank accounts.

Don't go crazy, but collect everything while you can and put the info in a safe place.

[Anonymous]

What's the point of documenting an attempt at an affair? What purpose does it serve in a divorce? If your spouse is cheating, then tell them you want a divorce. You should document all of your shared assets, post haste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the point of documenting an attempt at an affair? What purpose does it serve in a divorce? If your spouse is cheating, then tell them you want a divorce. You should document all of your shared assets, post haste.

That's the purpose of not blabbing to your spouse the moment you see one thing. Because let's say the spouse is cheating. Now you've just given them fair warning to go clean up every loose end, delete profiles, emails, phone calls, warn the other persons etc.

And that spouse will swear til they are blue in the face nothing ever happened. And you have nothing to show otherwise because you acted hastily instead of smartly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the point of documenting an attempt at an affair? What purpose does it serve in a divorce? If your spouse is cheating, then tell them you want a divorce. You should document all of your shared assets, post haste.

That's the purpose of not blabbing to your spouse the moment you see one thing. Because let's say the spouse is cheating. Now you've just given them fair warning to go clean up every loose end, delete profiles, emails, phone calls, warn the other persons etc.

And that spouse will swear til they are blue in the face nothing ever happened. And you have nothing to show otherwise because you acted hastily instead of smartly.

And even if documentation is not pertinent in court to divorce it gives you all kinds of leverage.

[Anonymous]

As 11:53 said, they will lie lie lie lie until you feel like you're losing your mind and doubting yourself and everything you saw. And it's exhausting and a total mindfuck to deal with. Knowledge is power, and in this case, sanity. It doesn't matter whether you intend to work on the marriage or divorce. You need to know what your reality is, which means you get the information before they can twist it up and hide things.