how do you put the marriage first when you have young kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding babysitters and date nights... The part I can't reconcile is the guilt of WOH and then leaving DS with someone else for another few hours. I feel like I'm cheating him and myself out of quality time. Our marriage is fine btw, but I am very conscious of making sure marriage + baby dynamics are going well.

This, x1000. I just can't miss out on DCs' awake times because I work all week. I just don't enjoy myself knowing that I missing something. Maybe this will change when they get older. maybe this makes me pathetic. I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only person who gave me this advice IRL is now divorced.

When your kids are little their needs are more immediate and must come first. It's an all hands on deck situation and if you and your spouse are not on the same page it will be rough for a bit. But with kids, everything is a phase and their time as little is so short that strained marriages can and do survive.

Not saying your should ignore your marriage, just recognize the stage of life your are in. Marriage must be adaptable to all of them.

Yup. Also, stop having kids OP if this is a worry. Not to be snarky, but do the math. Don't let your kids out number you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding babysitters and date nights... The part I can't reconcile is the guilt of WOH and then leaving DS with someone else for another few hours. I feel like I'm cheating him and myself out of quality time. Our marriage is fine btw, but I am very conscious of making sure marriage + baby dynamics are going well.

I work full time, so the sitter comes at 8pm just so that the kids see her. I put the kids to sleep then go out.
Only exceptionally (show starting earlier) have I used a sitter during my precious time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only have one child and am having trouble with this as well. Part of the issue is I work and am also the primary parent, which makes me more annoyed half the time. I think for us date night is really helpful, but I wish I had more advice for you.

we do date nights and they in some ways make things worse. There is so much pressure to actually want to be there and enjoy each others company. What I really want is time to myself. Then I feel recharged and have some attention left for my DH.

That's what I found. Getting a sitter, getting things set up for the sitter, paying the sitter -- it just felt like another obligation. Dinner on the sofa with Netflix and a nice bottle of wine was a lot more appealing.

Have sex occasionally. Get enough sleep that you aren't miserable. Let other things slide. Be appreciative of your spouse and your kids.

It gets easier (our youngest is 10 now, and my spouse and I still like each other).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the weekends, each of you has one morning that you can sleep in or do something just for you while the other watches the kids. For me, I'll go to yoga or sleep until 9 while DH plays with the kids on Saturday. On Sunday, he'll sleep in or run an errand. Makes us happier to each other.

My wife is SAHM, I end up getting the 2 y/o up every morning and she sleeps in for 15 minutes-2 hours. Must be nice ...

[Anonymous]

I Work fulltime and my kids are 7,5 and 3. Mine is word of hope, it was so difficult but with youngest about to turn 4, it has gotten so much better I cant believe it. We are having more sex, spending more time together, the high emotions of yester years are disappearing. Its almost like we are dating afresh. Dont give up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regarding babysitters and date nights... The part I can't reconcile is the guilt of WOH and then leaving DS with someone else for another few hours. I feel like I'm cheating him and myself out of quality time. Our marriage is fine btw, but I am very conscious of making sure marriage + baby dynamics are going well.

Put DS to bed first and then go out. My kids went to bed at 6:30 when they were little.