Has your college student left your faith?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was once that college kid who stopped going to church, as did all of my siblings. I'm afraid none of us has ever gone back (we're in our 50s now).

You didn't do anything wrong. People find their own way in life and for some of us that means going without religion.

Same here for me and my four siblings, though we are in our 30s and 40s.

My parents raised us in the Catholic church, but with an emphasis on social justice and thinking for ourselves. We are all very moral people, most of whom chose to "serve" via our professions (social workers, non-profits, special ed teachers), which I think is a testament to our upbringing, but also part of the reason we all left the church. My husband comes from a very similar background, with similar outcomes for him and his siblings.

My siblings and I all discuss how we can raise our children with that same sense of morality, but none of us are believers in the underlying theology, and thus are not church-goers.

I would call this a successful outcome of a Catholic upbringing -- integrating the good and discarding the bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I am not Catholic, so explain to me--if you can go and confess sins at any time, why is not going to Mass such a big deal? Couldn't they not go to Mass and go in and confess the sin of not going and get it cleared somehow?

It's only a big deal if the person missing mass does not get to confession and communion soon after commiting the sin. This, unfortunately, is the case with catholics who drop out during college. If they eventually return to the faith -- meaning confessing their sins and going to mass regularly again - then they're OK.

But if they die in the interim (unlikely in the case of young people), they will go to hell because they have mortal sins on their soul for which they have not been forgiven.

If you skip mass one week & get hit by a bus & die before going to confession, you go to hell.

If you brutally murder 100s of people but go to confession & receive communion afterwards, you go to heaven.

Sounds fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I am not Catholic, so explain to me--if you can go and confess sins at any time, why is not going to Mass such a big deal? Couldn't they not go to Mass and go in and confess the sin of not going and get it cleared somehow?

It's only a big deal if the person missing mass does not get to confession and communion soon after commiting the sin. This, unfortunately, is the case with catholics who drop out during college. If they eventually return to the faith -- meaning confessing their sins and going to mass regularly again - then they're OK.

But if they die in the interim (unlikely in the case of young people), they will go to hell because they have mortal sins on their soul for which they have not been forgiven.

If you skip mass one week & get hit by a bus & die before going to confession, you go to hell.

If you brutally murder 100s of people but go to confession & receive communion afterwards, you go to heaven.

Sounds fair.

What's fair about the Catholic church is that it teaches you what the rules are and then expects you to follow them. All catholics have also been taught what the punishments for not following the rule are. YOu can't receive the sacraments of communion and confirmation without specific instuction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I am not Catholic, so explain to me--if you can go and confess sins at any time, why is not going to Mass such a big deal? Couldn't they not go to Mass and go in and confess the sin of not going and get it cleared somehow?

It's only a big deal if the person missing mass does not get to confession and communion soon after commiting the sin. This, unfortunately, is the case with catholics who drop out during college. If they eventually return to the faith -- meaning confessing their sins and going to mass regularly again - then they're OK.

But if they die in the interim (unlikely in the case of young people), they will go to hell because they have mortal sins on their soul for which they have not been forgiven.

If you skip mass one week & get hit by a bus & die before going to confession, you go to hell.

If you brutally murder 100s of people but go to confession & receive communion afterwards, you go to heaven.

Sounds fair.

What's fair about the Catholic church is that it teaches you what the rules are and then expects you to follow them. All catholics have also been taught what the punishments for not following the rule are. YOu can't receive the sacraments of communion and confirmation without specific instuction.

Still sounds pretty ridiculous, imo, but to each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I am not Catholic, so explain to me--if you can go and confess sins at any time, why is not going to Mass such a big deal? Couldn't they not go to Mass and go in and confess the sin of not going and get it cleared somehow?

It's only a big deal if the person missing mass does not get to confession and communion soon after commiting the sin. This, unfortunately, is the case with catholics who drop out during college. If they eventually return to the faith -- meaning confessing their sins and going to mass regularly again - then they're OK.

But if they die in the interim (unlikely in the case of young people), they will go to hell because they have mortal sins on their soul for which they have not been forgiven.

Where in the bible does Jesus teach that people who do not go to catholic mass every week will go to hell?

THere's nothing in the bible about any church because Christian denominations did not exist then. Jesus died as a Jew and Paul started writing his letters and distributing them to home groups another 30-40 years later.

The catechism is the rule book for the Catholic church -- it's in the catechism that Catholics learn that missing mass is a mortal sin.

Maybe OP's kids read the Bible and that's why they aren't going to church...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I am not Catholic, so explain to me--if you can go and confess sins at any time, why is not going to Mass such a big deal? Couldn't they not go to Mass and go in and confess the sin of not going and get it cleared somehow?

It's only a big deal if the person missing mass does not get to confession and communion soon after commiting the sin. This, unfortunately, is the case with catholics who drop out during college. If they eventually return to the faith -- meaning confessing their sins and going to mass regularly again - then they're OK.

But if they die in the interim (unlikely in the case of young people), they will go to hell because they have mortal sins on their soul for which they have not been forgiven.

Where in the bible does Jesus teach that people who do not go to catholic mass every week will go to hell?

THere's nothing in the bible about any church because Christian denominations did not exist then. Jesus died as a Jew and Paul started writing his letters and distributing them to home groups another 30-40 years later.

The catechism is the rule book for the Catholic church -- it's in the catechism that Catholics learn that missing mass is a mortal sin.

Maybe OP's kids read the Bible and that's why they aren't going to church...

Maybe, but most Catholics drift away without cracking a bible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I am not Catholic, so explain to me--if you can go and confess sins at any time, why is not going to Mass such a big deal? Couldn't they not go to Mass and go in and confess the sin of not going and get it cleared somehow?

It's only a big deal if the person missing mass does not get to confession and communion soon after commiting the sin. This, unfortunately, is the case with catholics who drop out during college. If they eventually return to the faith -- meaning confessing their sins and going to mass regularly again - then they're OK.

But if they die in the interim (unlikely in the case of young people), they will go to hell because they have mortal sins on their soul for which they have not been forgiven.

If you skip mass one week & get hit by a bus & die before going to confession, you go to hell.

If you brutally murder 100s of people but go to confession & receive communion afterwards, you go to heaven.

Sounds fair.

What's fair about the Catholic church is that it teaches you what the rules are and then expects you to follow them. All catholics have also been taught what the punishments for not following the rule are. YOu can't receive the sacraments of communion and confirmation without specific instuction.

You realize that most people are 7 or 8 when they make their First Communion & 13 or 14 when they get confirmed, right? In most cases, they receive these sacrements because their parents expect them to, not because they themselves have carefully considered all the tenants of the Catholic faith & made the decision to vow to abide by them.Heck, by the time I made my Confirmation, I knew I disagreed with some of the church's teachings. I made my Confirmation anyway because that's what was expected of me. I was a 13-year-old child with little to no choice in the matter, just like many of many friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I am not Catholic, so explain to me--if you can go and confess sins at any time, why is not going to Mass such a big deal? Couldn't they not go to Mass and go in and confess the sin of not going and get it cleared somehow?

It's only a big deal if the person missing mass does not get to confession and communion soon after commiting the sin. This, unfortunately, is the case with catholics who drop out during college. If they eventually return to the faith -- meaning confessing their sins and going to mass regularly again - then they're OK.

But if they die in the interim (unlikely in the case of young people), they will go to hell because they have mortal sins on their soul for which they have not been forgiven.

If you skip mass one week & get hit by a bus & die before going to confession, you go to hell.

If you brutally murder 100s of people but go to confession & receive communion afterwards, you go to heaven.

Sounds fair.

What's fair about the Catholic church is that it teaches you what the rules are and then expects you to follow them. All catholics have also been taught what the punishments for not following the rule are. YOu can't receive the sacraments of communion and confirmation without specific instuction.

You realize that most people are 7 or 8 when they make their First Communion & 13 or 14 when they get confirmed, right? In most cases, they receive these sacrements because their parents expect them to, not because they themselves have carefully considered all the tenants of the Catholic faith & made the decision to vow to abide by them.Heck, by the time I made my Confirmation, I knew I disagreed with some of the church's teachings. I made my Confirmation anyway because that's what was expected of me. I was a 13-year-old child with little to no choice in the matter, just like many of many friends.

Most all religions teach children in the way you describe. The Catholics have more spelled-out rules than some other religions, so that if you leave, you know exactly what you're leaving behind

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was sad that my kids did not come home for Easter. Both stopped going to church with us toward the end of the their senior years of high school after many years of Catholic school. We do not pressure them at all, but I am so sad for them that they do not have a faith life. I am a convert and was hoping to give them what I didn't have growing up. Did your kids leave and find their way back or to another denomination (which would be fine with me)? I see all these older kids still attending Mass with their families and wonder what I did wrong.

In my experience, Catholic school turns kids into hard core atheists

Yes, this. And I don't say this in a "I was rebelling against the brainwashing" way- actually quite the opposite. I went to Catholic school K-12 and did my undergrad at a Jesuit school, and it was at those schools (well, high school and undergrad, not much so k-8) where we were REALLY taught to think critically about our faith, spirituality, the Church, etc. In other words, we went over our beliefs with a fine-tooth comb. Kind of a double-edged sword- many emerged believing stronger than ever precisely because they questioned their faith, but many walked away much less religious for the exact same reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was sad that my kids did not come home for Easter. Both stopped going to church with us toward the end of the their senior years of high school after many years of Catholic school. We do not pressure them at all, but I am so sad for them that they do not have a faith life. I am a convert and was hoping to give them what I didn't have growing up. Did your kids leave and find their way back or to another denomination (which would be fine with me)? I see all these older kids still attending Mass with their families and wonder what I did wrong.

In my experience, Catholic school turns kids into hard core atheists

Yes, this. And I don't say this in a "I was rebelling against the brainwashing" way- actually quite the opposite. I went to Catholic school K-12 and did my undergrad at a Jesuit school, and it was at those schools (well, high school and undergrad, not much so k-8) where we were REALLY taught to think critically about our faith, spirituality, the Church, etc. In other words, we went over our beliefs with a fine-tooth comb. Kind of a double-edged sword- many emerged believing stronger than ever precisely because they questioned their faith, but many walked away much less religious for the exact same reason.

I think the expectation is that hihgly educated Catholic youth will emerge with a "mature" faith -- just as the Jesuits who were teaching did. But too much education often has the opposite effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was sad that my kids did not come home for Easter. Both stopped going to church with us toward the end of the their senior years of high school after many years of Catholic school. We do not pressure them at all, but I am so sad for them that they do not have a faith life. I am a convert and was hoping to give them what I didn't have growing up. Did your kids leave and find their way back or to another denomination (which would be fine with me)? I see all these older kids still attending Mass with their families and wonder what I did wrong.

My DH grew up in a very Catholic family. Not one of the 3 kids are still Catholic. They all fled when they got out of the house. My DH wanted to have sex and carouse a bit in college without all the Catholic hangups. I think the other two siblings were less rowdy.

All three eventually returned to religion, but not one returned to Catholicism. Even the matriarch has fallen away from the faith because of the scandals.

DH is really happy in his new faith, which, for us, focuses on the important things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, I am not Catholic, so explain to me--if you can go and confess sins at any time, why is not going to Mass such a big deal? Couldn't they not go to Mass and go in and confess the sin of not going and get it cleared somehow?

It's only a big deal if the person missing mass does not get to confession and communion soon after commiting the sin. This, unfortunately, is the case with catholics who drop out during college. If they eventually return to the faith -- meaning confessing their sins and going to mass regularly again - then they're OK.

But if they die in the interim (unlikely in the case of young people), they will go to hell because they have mortal sins on their soul for which they have not been forgiven.

If you skip mass one week & get hit by a bus & die before going to confession, you go to hell.

If you brutally murder 100s of people but go to confession & receive communion afterwards, you go to heaven.

Sounds fair.

What's fair about the Catholic church is that it teaches you what the rules are and then expects you to follow them. All catholics have also been taught what the punishments for not following the rule are. YOu can't receive the sacraments of communion and confirmation without specific instuction.

You realize that most people are 7 or 8 when they make their First Communion & 13 or 14 when they get confirmed, right? In most cases, they receive these sacrements because their parents expect them to, not because they themselves have carefully considered all the tenants of the Catholic faith & made the decision to vow to abide by them.Heck, by the time I made my Confirmation, I knew I disagreed with some of the church's teachings. I made my Confirmation anyway because that's what was expected of me. I was a 13-year-old child with little to no choice in the matter, just like many of many friends.

Most all religions teach children in the way you describe. The Catholics have more spelled-out rules than some other religions, so that if you leave, you know exactly what you're leaving behind

This is true. Doesn't mean it makes sense, however.

[Anonymous]

I think what everyone is missing with the "go to confession and it's all better" line of thinking is that confession requires sincere repentance. If one truly does not feel complete contrition and intend to make personal changes moving forward, there can be no absolution/forgiveness. So no, you can't just be wiped clean without doing some actual work for it. And while sacramental confession is usually necessary for absolution, God certainly does know what is in the human heart. A practicing Catholic who misses Mass once (and in theory is immediately repentant for it since it is an unusual occurrence) would not go to hell. We believe in a merciful God. Hell is a separation from God so a devout person living a life toward God would never be separated that easily. A willful murderer would need some profound religious and emotional work to get to a state of grace to live in harmony with God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what everyone is missing with the "go to confession and it's all better" line of thinking is that confession requires sincere repentance. If one truly does not feel complete contrition and intend to make personal changes moving forward, there can be no absolution/forgiveness. So no, you can't just be wiped clean without doing some actual work for it. And while sacramental confession is usually necessary for absolution, God certainly does know what is in the human heart. A practicing Catholic who misses Mass once (and in theory is immediately repentant for it since it is an unusual occurrence) would not go to hell. We believe in a merciful God. Hell is a separation from God so a devout person living a life toward God would never be separated that easily. A willful murderer would need some profound religious and emotional work to get to a state of grace to live in harmony with God.

I know a lot of people who are sincerely repentant every time they go to confession

[Anonymous]

if you have a parent who ends up impoverished but still attending a Catholic Church regularly - but not as some manner of dues paying member - you may find (as I did) that the church they attended and gave their time to will refuse to hold a funeral service for them. And will refuse to allow any priest of the church to hold a funeral service for them in any other place - such as hospital chapel - because it's not Catholic hallowed ground. As Fleetwood Mac said - "been down one time, been down two times -- never going back again."