MIL Rant...sorry in advance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's jealous because you have a husband who pulls his weight and she didn't have that when she was raising children.

+1 My own mom was jealous of the things my husband did around the house, especially when our kids were little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to all, including the requisite trolls (who were so snarky I have to assume they were just being satirical). This experience (posting an anonymous rant on a forum) was weirdly gratifying. We've recently moved and it's been difficult making time to see friends, have a coffee, and blow off the traditional steam. So things have been building up. In a weird way, I got something similar to what I get from sitting on the porch with a pal drinking coffee: camaraderie. I didn't expect that, so thank you all...

This is one that unites SAHMs and WOHMs, OP! Your MIL is a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Totally relate. MIL came to stay with us for a month after DD was born, and I had gone back to work. She obviously knew I was working FT along with DH (and relatively similar schedules)...and she'd still make comments about how great it was that DH did stuff around the house and his father never did.

In the past I've ignored, but I think it wouldn't hurt for you to be more blunt with your DH that he needs to tell her to knock it off more directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's jealous because you have a husband who pulls his weight and she didn't have that when she was raising children.

This. It sounds like she's almost eroticising her own son a bit. (As a psych major, I'm sure you can appreciate a little Freud. Lol)

[Anonymous]

Ignore. My MIL is has moments like this too. It's about being enamored with their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's jealous because you have a husband who pulls his weight and she didn't have that when she was raising children.

+1 My own mom was jealous of the things my husband did around the house, especially when our kids were little.

My mom, too. She'd stand in awe while my husband changed a diaper.

My mom spent her whole life bashing working mothers. I've not-so-gently pointed out to my mother that, in many households where there is more economc equality between the spouses, helpful husbands are quite common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her that, thank God, we're no longer back in her day.

+10000

I would add:".... Back when men earned enough to support a family, how quaint!

[Anonymous]

You counsel people and yet you ate so fragile as to get worked up someone of another generation having a different take on life to the point you feel like screaming? Perhaps you are ill suited for your chosen profession.

I think this is an important point. You should definitely not be a therapist if you experience emotions or have feelings about things. I prefer when people criticize me because it makes me a better person. Now, where is my xanex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You counsel people and yet you ate so fragile as to get worked up someone of another generation having a different take on life to the point you feel like screaming? Perhaps you are ill suited for your chosen profession.

I think this is an important point. You should definitely not be a therapist if you experience emotions or have feelings about things. I prefer when people criticize me because it makes me a better person. Now, where is my xanex?

Hi, OP's MIL!

Isn't it past your bedtime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I have to hear another "gentle" joke about my expectations that my husband contribute to housework I am going to lose it. Husband works 9-5 at a three-letter agency. So that obviously exempts him from housework. Meanwhile, I am working on my PhD, have a consulting business that I run from home, have 2 children under 5 and no nanny or childcare help, and see patients in a private psychotherapy practice 10 hours a week in my clinic. My MIL is routinely passively-aggressively complimenting him in front of me on making time to empty the dishwasher after he spent the whole day at work. She *kiddingly* reminds me that "expecting the breadwinner to come home and clean" was unheard of in her day.

I've gently responded too many times to count that we are equals (I make as much money but even if I didnt/were a fulltime SAHM the expectations that we all carry our weight would be the same).

It only happens 2x per year for annual visits but I am fresh in the middle of it and need to scream about it here so I dont scream about it in my dining room.

</rant>

I would *kiddingly* reply, Geez, I WISH that case nowadays! I am EXHAUSTED and at the end of day and the LAST thing I feel like doing is cleaning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I have to hear another "gentle" joke about my expectations that my husband contribute to housework I am going to lose it. Husband works 9-5 at a three-letter agency. So that obviously exempts him from housework. Meanwhile, I am working on my PhD, have a consulting business that I run from home, have 2 children under 5 and no nanny or childcare help, and see patients in a private psychotherapy practice 10 hours a week in my clinic. My MIL is routinely passively-aggressively complimenting him in front of me on making time to empty the dishwasher after he spent the whole day at work. She *kiddingly* reminds me that "expecting the breadwinner to come home and clean" was unheard of in her day.

I've gently responded too many times to count that we are equals (I make as much money but even if I didnt/were a fulltime SAHM the expectations that we all carry our weight would be the same).

It only happens 2x per year for annual visits but I am fresh in the middle of it and need to scream about it here so I dont scream about it in my dining room.

</rant>

I would *kiddingly* reply, Geez, I WISH that case nowadays! I am EXHAUSTED and at the end of day and the LAST thing I feel like doing is cleaning!

Hahaha! Love this.

[Anonymous]

I'm new to this thread, and don't mean to be rude, but I too am surprised,given your profession, on how you chose to handle your MIL. Wouldn't you counsel a client to stand up for themselves in a very polite, but direct manner, rather than run to DCUM? Your MIL needed to be put in her place and I'm surprised you didn't have the sense to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally relate. MIL came to stay with us for a month after DD was born, and I had gone back to work. She obviously knew I was working FT along with DH (and relatively similar schedules)...and she'd still make comments about how great it was that DH did stuff around the house and his father never did.

In the past I've ignored, but I think it wouldn't hurt for you to be more blunt with your DH that he needs to tell her to knock it off more directly.

I'm not a MIL or anything and OP's MIL would drive me nuts too (I also work full time, AND manage to do more housework/childcare - but not nearly all). But the bolded somehow strikes me as not that bad? Frankly, from some of our parents' generation it IS great that your DH's do so much around the house. It should also be expected. But for some reason in their generation, it wasn't. My mom worked full time, earned more money than my dad, and still was the default parent and did the majority of . . . well, just about everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm new to this thread, and don't mean to be rude, but I too am surprised,given your profession, on how you chose to handle your MIL. Wouldn't you counsel a client to stand up for themselves in a very polite, but direct manner, rather than run to DCUM? Your MIL needed to be put in her place and I'm surprised you didn't have the sense to do that.

I agree. This is why mils act the way they do. Women continue the silly passive aggressive comments and behavior. Honestly if she says something that offends you simply tell her. She'll start being more careful with what she says after she gets tired of hearing how she's offended you so many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm new to this thread, and don't mean to be rude, but I too am surprised,given your profession, on how you chose to handle your MIL. Wouldn't you counsel a client to stand up for themselves in a very polite, but direct manner, rather than run to DCUM? Your MIL needed to be put in her place and I'm surprised you didn't have the sense to do that.

I agree. This is why mils act the way they do. Women continue the silly passive aggressive comments and behavior. Honestly if she says something that offends you simply tell her. She'll start being more careful with what she says after she gets tired of hearing how she's offended you so many times.

Clearly, you both have a warped view of those in the mental health profession. They remain human with the full range of human emotions, including annoyance, the desire to share their feelings, desire for validation and support. Anyone not feeling those things would be a poor therapist.