Who do you put first? Second wife or child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Bible has the answer. It applies to first spouses only.
Let no man put asunder. 2nd marriages and on you get what you get.

+1. Putting spouse first only works if that spouse is also the parent of all your children. Otherwise, there is a natural conflict of interest.

[Anonymous]

I would raise an eyebrow at a father who moved his 15 year old out because she couldn't get along with his FIRST wife (he mother) too.

But I generally believe a spouse's wishes trump a minor child's, unless the spouse's wishes would bring harm to the child.

I have no patience for adult women who come on here to complain that their dad won't comply with their demands to exclude stepmom from holidays, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid ALWAYS comes first. I can replace a spouse.

+1 you brought the kids into the world. They should be your #1 priority until they are 18.

[Anonymous]

I don't even understand this putting someone first business. How often does that even come up? If both are dying and u could only save one, it would be my child and I'd expect my husband to do the same with respect to me. But that's petty unrealistic. Other things, like time, resources, money, etc, I don't understand why the whole family's needs shouldn't be taken into account and no one is first bc there's no need to set people, family no less, against each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even understand this putting someone first business. How often does that even come up? If both are dying and u could only save one, it would be my child and I'd expect my husband to do the same with respect to me. But that's petty unrealistic. Other things, like time, resources, money, etc, I don't understand why the whole family's needs shouldn't be taken into account and no one is first bc there's no need to set people, family no less, against each other.

Completely agree.

Aside from that, this seems like a complicated story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't know what happened but it is his responsibility to not pass off his child and to parent her. That might not even be legal. Was she in college? If not why was she in college housing? And was it a dorm? If it was a private apartment how did you even get mixed up with her?

she was in high school. we had an apartment off campus. I was subletting and was leaving just about the time she moved in. My other roommate found her via craigslist.

[Anonymous]

What?! Fuck that. Child first. New spouse can't deal then get out. 15 year old is still a CHILD.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the spouse should come first in the first marriage. After that, the kids come first. New spouse comes second. Nothing could justify putting a 15-year-old in an apartment with college students.

Question - who comes first once a parent remarries after the kids are grown (in their 20s)? If there is a conflict between the new spouse and the grown kid, who should the parent side with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the spouse should come first in the first marriage. After that, the kids come first. New spouse comes second. Nothing could justify putting a 15-year-old in an apartment with college students.

Question - who comes first once a parent remarries after the kids are grown (in their 20s)? If there is a conflict between the new spouse and the grown kid, who should the parent side with?

I think that depends on the conflict. And most likely it would be spouse siding with spouse. I could see it being with the kid in situations that dealt with abuse.

[Anonymous]

A couple years ago? Why are you posting now?