Ah, the joys of parenting a 13-yo

[Anonymous]

I don't get people who give 13 year olds phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP, but how do I control the no yelling in the house rule? I ask them to leave the room until they feel like they have regained a sense of composure. I actually sat my DD down when she first started acting that way and explained I knew this was a tumultuous time, that she would be experiencing highs and lows, and that there were a lot of confusing things happening to her body and her emotions. I said also that her Dad and I were there in any way she needed us and will support her through thick and thin. That said, she didn't have the right to be an asshole to people in the house and if she was, she needed to remove herself from the common areas until she felt better

What did you do when she didn't remove herself from the common area?

Smack them upside the head.

[Anonymous]

sounds exactly like my house OP. I cannot tell you how many emails/letters I get from my son's teachers telling me what a wonderful, kind, thoughtful, witty etc kid our son is. At home, not so much. I guess we are doing something right, just not seeing it....yet? Just want to tell you you are not alone. I am suspect of anyone who is not dealing with similar issues with this age group. I have three great kids, but not 100% of the time. There are really bad moments but there are some great ones thrown in there that somehow make up for those. Good luck to us all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get people who give 13 year olds phones.

Almost every 13-year-old has a phone. So I guess that you don't get most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please not use the term "neuro-typical?" It's stupid. Just say normal or normally behaved.

So my non-neurotypical kid is abnormal? Do you see why people use this word?

Yes. By definition, if the child does not behave as is normally expected, he's abnormal. I'm not sure why using more clinical language matters. I prefer to speak plainly.

Look, if you want to go start a thread about the challenges of parenting a teen with special needs, please have at it. Use all the clinical language you want. We even have a great forum where that's appropriate. But don't hijack mine.

Okay, let's speak plainly. If your kid acts like a little monster at 13, you earned it. You failed to each emotional control early. You modeled itchy, high strung behavior. Your kid is a jerk because you are a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP, but how do I control the no yelling in the house rule? I ask them to leave the room until they feel like they have regained a sense of composure. I actually sat my DD down when she first started acting that way and explained I knew this was a tumultuous time, that she would be experiencing highs and lows, and that there were a lot of confusing things happening to her body and her emotions. I said also that her Dad and I were there in any way she needed us and will support her through thick and thin. That said, she didn't have the right to be an asshole to people in the house and if she was, she needed to remove herself from the common areas until she felt better

What did you do when she didn't remove herself from the common area?

Yeah - this is our life these days - asshole teen in the common areas...
Is there a ghost buster or something for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please not use the term "neuro-typical?" It's stupid. Just say normal or normally behaved.

So my non-neurotypical kid is abnormal? Do you see why people use this word?

Yes. By definition, if the child does not behave as is normally expected, he's abnormal. I'm not sure why using more clinical language matters. I prefer to speak plainly.

Look, if you want to go start a thread about the challenges of parenting a teen with special needs, please have at it. Use all the clinical language you want. We even have a great forum where that's appropriate. But don't hijack mine.

Okay, let's speak plainly. If your kid acts like a little monster at 13, you earned it. You failed to each emotional control early. You modeled itchy, high strung behavior. Your kid is a jerk because you are a jerk.

Said the idiot with no kids and no understand of the teenaged brain.
Time to stop living in momma's basement with your video games..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get people who give 13 year olds phones.

You don't have a 13 year old, right? I'd say 99% of them have phones, at least around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Okay, let's speak plainly. If your kid acts like a little monster at 13, you earned it. You failed to each emotional control early. You modeled itchy, high strung behavior. Your kid is a jerk because you are a jerk.

Children have personalities. Some are more high strung than others. Maybe you haven't seen many people from babyhood to adulthood, but their personalities don't change much from when they're small. Some are easy going and responsible. Other kids are bent on defiance and learning lessons the hard way. You don't get to choose your child's personality.

I'm lucky; my 13 year old is easy going. I don't really ever tell her what to do beyond asking for help with dishes or cleaning up. She makes good decisions, at least, so far. I'm not so smug that I think any of this is my doing. She is who she is, but not fighting with her probably helps keep emotions even between us. If she wasn't even-tempered by nature, I'm sure it wouldn't automatically be like that. It would take a lot more effort to try to maintain peace.

[Anonymous]

Three and a half more years, to answer OP's question. At 15, you will see light at the end of the tunnel but it won't be over until they're 16-17. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

PP here about the common areas. If she's being really snotty to her little brother or rude to me or her Dad, we ask her to go to her room. Maybe she is unusal, but she complies - generally flouncing off, but she leaves. We've sent her away from the dinner table too. I'll save her dinner if that happens but that has totalled twice and made an impact. She's a good kid, but you just have to treat family members with basic courtesy. In some way we did the same thing when they were little and would whine - unless you used a normal tone you weren't getting anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here about the common areas. If she's being really snotty to her little brother or rude to me or her Dad, we ask her to go to her room. Maybe she is unusal, but she complies - generally flouncing off, but she leaves. We've sent her away from the dinner table too. I'll save her dinner if that happens but that has totalled twice and made an impact. She's a good kid, but you just have to treat family members with basic courtesy. In some way we did the same thing when they were little and would whine - unless you used a normal tone you weren't getting anything.

Yah think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here about the common areas. If she's being really snotty to her little brother or rude to me or her Dad, we ask her to go to her room. Maybe she is unusal, but she complies - generally flouncing off, but she leaves. We've sent her away from the dinner table too. I'll save her dinner if that happens but that has totalled twice and made an impact. She's a good kid, but you just have to treat family members with basic courtesy. In some way we did the same thing when they were little and would whine - unless you used a normal tone you weren't getting anything.

Yes, you do -- but sometimes people don't.

Some day it will occur to her, "They can tell me to go to my room, but I don't have to go." Maybe think about what you will do if that happens while she's still living at home with you.

[Anonymous]

my kid holds it together at school. At home he experiments with separation and can be fairly unbearable. When I look at what his body is going thorough and reflect on the hormonal surges that can produce five inches of growth in a year, it doesn't surprise me that he is explosive, moody, prickly, obnoxious etc a good chunk of the time.

I don't like it, but I parent on...

To the parents of perfect kids... You will get yours.

To the op, it is hard and I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get people who give 13 year olds phones.

Almost every 13-year-old has a phone. So I guess that you don't get most people.

And my parents required that I always leave the house with coins in my pocket in case I needed a phone. Not a good strategy.

My kid has a phone and he has rules. he is fairly independent. Gets to and from soccer practice on his own. Why on earth shouldn't he have a phone?