Ah, the joys of parenting a 13-yo

[Anonymous]

I have done something similar as an adult. Even blamed my kid for misplacing item when it was all on me. So what I did was acknowledge my rant, apologize for misplace blame and accepted the responsibility for not putting item away.

[Anonymous]

Not the PP, but how do I control the no yelling in the house rule? I ask them to leave the room until they feel like they have regained a sense of composure. I actually sat my DD down when she first started acting that way and explained I knew this was a tumultuous time, that she would be experiencing highs and lows, and that there were a lot of confusing things happening to her body and her emotions. I said also that her Dad and I were there in any way she needed us and will support her through thick and thin. That said, she didn't have the right to be an asshole to people in the house and if she was, she needed to remove herself from the common areas until she felt better

What did you do when she didn't remove herself from the common area?

[Anonymous]

Whatever with the perfect pp -- I personally almost had an aneurysm this morning dealing with my 13 year old. Some days are just bad. Others are much better. I am waiting for my grey hairs to start sprouting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP, but how do I control the no yelling in the house rule? I ask them to leave the room until they feel like they have regained a sense of composure. I actually sat my DD down when she first started acting that way and explained I knew this was a tumultuous time, that she would be experiencing highs and lows, and that there were a lot of confusing things happening to her body and her emotions. I said also that her Dad and I were there in any way she needed us and will support her through thick and thin. That said, she didn't have the right to be an asshole to people in the house and if she was, she needed to remove herself from the common areas until she felt better

What did you do when she didn't remove herself from the common area?

Exactly, sometimes I ask my 12 yr old DS to leave the room and he refuses. As a parent, I try not to paint myself in that corner where he refuses because I can't physically make him leave -- I've tried that and it escalates on a whole new level. By the way, my experience is that telling someone to regain their composure almost never works. Oftentimes telling someone to calm down only makes them more agitated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen is very mature (as in probably more mature than most adults) so this behavior is not generally a problem, but with both of my kids (the teen and the 12 yo), I don't allow them to yell at me or generally treat me like sh*t. I get that they are adolescents and may not always handle things well. They're learning... but in our family it is simply not acceptable to treat people that way.

I agree in concept, but I suspect you also have a neuro-typical kid. You say you don't allow your kids to yell at you or treat you like sh*t. No parent wants to allow it, but how a parent responds depends entirely on the nature of their kid. As PPs stated, you tell the child what is expected but beyond that ignoring and not giving attention to the issue can work well. If the child has significant anxiety, OCD, other delays, etc., then the hard and fast parenting rules need to be modified for your family situation.

I love these sanctimonious "in our family ..." posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP, but how do I control the no yelling in the house rule? I ask them to leave the room until they feel like they have regained a sense of composure. I actually sat my DD down when she first started acting that way and explained I knew this was a tumultuous time, that she would be experiencing highs and lows, and that there were a lot of confusing things happening to her body and her emotions. I said also that her Dad and I were there in any way she needed us and will support her through thick and thin. That said, she didn't have the right to be an asshole to people in the house and if she was, she needed to remove herself from the common areas until she felt better

What did you do when she didn't remove herself from the common area?

Yup. How do you control the remove yourself from the room rule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please not use the term "neuro-typical?" It's stupid. Just say normal or normally behaved.

If you want to talk about words for different behaviors and brain functions, could you please start your own thread?

I am the OP. This is my thread. Don't use "neuro-typical." It's a stupid term. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please not use the term "neuro-typical?" It's stupid. Just say normal or normally behaved.

So my non-neurotypical kid is abnormal? Do you see why people use this word?

Yes. By definition, if the child does not behave as is normally expected, he's abnormal. I'm not sure why using more clinical language matters. I prefer to speak plainly.

Look, if you want to go start a thread about the challenges of parenting a teen with special needs, please have at it. Use all the clinical language you want. We even have a great forum where that's appropriate. But don't hijack mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please not use the term "neuro-typical?" It's stupid. Just say normal or normally behaved.

If you want to talk about words for different behaviors and brain functions, could you please start your own thread?

I am the OP. This is my thread. Don't use "neuro-typical." It's a stupid term. Thank you.

OP, please start a different thread to discuss this. It's off-topic for this thread, regardless of who started it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please not use the term "neuro-typical?" It's stupid. Just say normal or normally behaved.

So my non-neurotypical kid is abnormal? Do you see why people use this word?

Yes. By definition, if the child does not behave as is normally expected, he's abnormal. I'm not sure why using more clinical language matters. I prefer to speak plainly.

Look, if you want to go start a thread about the challenges of parenting a teen with special needs, please have at it. Use all the clinical language you want. We even have a great forum where that's appropriate. But don't hijack mine.

OP, you are hijacking your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD misplaced her phone. Obviously, this was the fault of the parents. So, after she berated me for about 30 seconds, I calmly told her not to speak to me that way and asked if she had checked her school backpack. Yes, she said, and launched into another tirade. Then she stormed off to check her room again -- maybe it was under one of the many piles of paper and clothing that litter her floor. I look in the backpack. And of course, there it is. "DD," I call, calmly. "I found it." "Where was it?" "Your backpack."

I must admit that keeping even keel on this is going to be harder than I thought. How many more years will this last?

You're lucky it didn't start til 13! That sounds exactly like my 11 year-old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please not use the term "neuro-typical?" It's stupid. Just say normal or normally behaved.

So my non-neurotypical kid is abnormal? Do you see why people use this word?

Yes. By definition, if the child does not behave as is normally expected, he's abnormal. I'm not sure why using more clinical language matters. I prefer to speak plainly.

Look, if you want to go start a thread about the challenges of parenting a teen with special needs, please have at it. Use all the clinical language you want. We even have a great forum where that's appropriate. But don't hijack mine.

OP, you are hijacking your own thread.

All OP is saying is that she wants to talk about and hear about the day to day challenges of raising a kid - one who has recently stopped being a kid and turned surly as many of them do. She's not interested in a discussion about "just how bad it can be to raise..." you fill in the blank or "in my family we don't allow that so it never happens... ". In the best of circumstances, most teens are fairly unbearable a good chunk of the time. It is a normal part of development, but not a pleasant part. OP - vent away.

My kid is a pisser, too. I love him, I don't think he's something that unusual, or that awful, or that atypical on any dimension, but boy is he a pisser sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP, but how do I control the no yelling in the house rule? I ask them to leave the room until they feel like they have regained a sense of composure. I actually sat my DD down when she first started acting that way and explained I knew this was a tumultuous time, that she would be experiencing highs and lows, and that there were a lot of confusing things happening to her body and her emotions. I said also that her Dad and I were there in any way she needed us and will support her through thick and thin. That said, she didn't have the right to be an asshole to people in the house and if she was, she needed to remove herself from the common areas until she felt better

What did you do when she didn't remove herself from the common area?

Yes, do tell.

I didn't "allow" it either. That didn't stop our oldest from ranting, raving and raging. We could discuss it calmly before/after but the discussions changed nothing.

Our second is a completely different kid. At not quite 15 I'm happy to say we've yet to see similar behavior to his brother. I realize we aren't in the clear yet but here's hoping.

OP hopefully your approach this time continues working. If it doesn't, then you will know the re-starting point is there somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is very mature (as in probably more mature than most adults) so this behavior is not generally a problem, but with both of my kids (the teen and the 12 yo), I don't allow them to yell at me or generally treat me like sh*t. I get that they are adolescents and may not always handle things well. They're learning... but in our family it is simply not acceptable to treat people that way.

This is akin to bragging thar your baby doesn't have colic. Just stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we please not use the term "neuro-typical?" It's stupid. Just say normal or normally behaved.

So my non-neurotypical kid is abnormal? Do you see why people use this word?

Yes. By definition, if the child does not behave as is normally expected, he's abnormal. I'm not sure why using more clinical language matters. I prefer to speak plainly.

Look, if you want to go start a thread about the challenges of parenting a teen with special needs, please have at it. Use all the clinical language you want. We even have a great forum where that's appropriate. But don't hijack mine.

OP, you are hijacking your own thread.

All OP is saying is that she wants to talk about and hear about the day to day challenges of raising a kid - one who has recently stopped being a kid and turned surly as many of them do. She's not interested in a discussion about "just how bad it can be to raise..." you fill in the blank or "in my family we don't allow that so it never happens... ". In the best of circumstances, most teens are fairly unbearable a good chunk of the time. It is a normal part of development, but not a pleasant part. OP - vent away.

My kid is a pisser, too. I love him, I don't think he's something that unusual, or that awful, or that atypical on any dimension, but boy is he a pisser sometimes.

Actually, the OP complained about the use of the word neurotypical, which was in a post defending OP from the "my kid is so mature" poster. I'm not really sure why anyone would take issue with a word like that in an otherwise supportive message.