how to get my mom to "drop it"

[Anonymous]

Your husband can't take any days ALL SUMMER? I call BS. So does your mom.

You just don't want to go. That's what you should have said instead of making up excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband can't take any days ALL SUMMER? I call BS. So does your mom.

You just don't want to go. That's what you should have said instead of making up excuses.

Not the OP but does it really matter. The MIL sounds nuts so I can see why no one would want to visit her.

[Anonymous]

It's the OP's mom, not her MIL.

I agree that you need to give her a time out and take a break from communication until she stops having a tantrum. Maybe do the same with her sister until she stops being the messenger for your mom.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, just ignore her for a while. You have explained your reasons calmly, correct? That's all that needs to be said.

No way, no how would I take 3 young children by myself through airports. And then be responsible for them by myself in a non-babyproofed home. For weeks at a time.

HELL NO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have family that "threatens you". They sound uneducated.

Has nothing to do with education and everything to do with mental health.

[Anonymous]

You got some great advice on this specific situation OP. But I wanted to share my two cents based on having to figure out how to set/maintain boundaries w/ a difficult parent and siblings. I had all of it pretty well under control until I had my kids (also twins.)

I want my kids to have good relationships w/ their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, but there are LOTS of minefields involved.

But what helps me is changing my thinking to reflect my new responsibilities. My job is to build a home and family life for my kids (and me and my husband) that is loving, safe, calm, stable, and nurturing. I go about allowing or seeking or limiting relationships w/ my more challenging family members ONLY to the extent that it works within the primary guidelines for my nuclear family.

Viewing what I need to do (and who I need to be) in terms of what is best for my nuclear family has really helped me be more clear in my limits, and more able to enforce boundaries.

Just a thought...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's how you get her to drop it:

E-mail: "Hi mom. As you know DH can't travel this summer and I cannot manage the flight alone. So I have a reservation for you on a flight Wednesday and we all leave to go back the next day. So you can sit with a twin, and I will be in a different row with the other twin and 4 yr old. Bummer we cant all sit together, huh? But that's airline travel nowadays. Anyway, then 2 weeks later, I have you on our flight coming back, with a return flight back home for just you the next day. Does that work for you?" See what she says.

I get what you are doing, but I would not do that. You need to stop mom from having these temper tantrums and from having her think she can control to OP.

My response would be "well mom, if that is the way you feel, I guess you will not get to see ypur grandkids." Then I would refuse to discuss further.

[Anonymous]

Tell your mom to fly out to you, and then fly back with you to her place. Then fly home with you again. Then fly back alone.

[Anonymous]

At this point any effort to make the trip happen reinforces the mother's behavior.

[Anonymous]

She is upset that her house won't be invaded and torn apart by a 3 yr old and 18 month old twins? She is nuts.