BIL and SIL are chronically late (at least 1 hour or more)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I'm freaking married to a different culture man, and whenever he tries to use the culture excuse bullshit with me, I ask him, "if someone told you there's a million dollars waiting for you, but only if you show up on time, would you do it?" The answer is of course. People come on time to the things they see as important.

They also get to work (mostly) on time, make flights on time, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I'm freaking married to a different culture man, and whenever he tries to use the culture excuse bullshit with me, I ask him, "if someone told you there's a million dollars waiting for you, but only if you show up on time, would you do it?" The answer is of course. People come on time to the things they see as important.

Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come over! We're having dinner at 6.

You still eat at 6ish. They can join you whenever, at least that's what I'd do. I wouldn't put myself out and I wouldn't forbid them from coming at other times.

im 21:02 and for family this is my attitude exactly.

[Anonymous]

Carry on without them. Go have your nap, eat, whatever. If you needed to be somewhere then go. My day doesn't revolve around people who can't be on time or call.

This time though I would have turned them around at the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I'm freaking married to a different culture man, and whenever he tries to use the culture excuse bullshit with me, I ask him, "if someone told you there's a million dollars waiting for you, but only if you show up on time, would you do it?" The answer is of course. People come on time to the things they see as important.

dont get the point of this question, since there's no million? If your question is will I do something outside my norm once for a great deal of money, that doesn't prove anything. The point of late cultures is that people aren't all upset or feeling all disrespected if someone is late. It's not a big deal for these folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's oldest brother and sister in law are always late. Like really late. They never call to say they are running late nor do they ever apologize. DH and his parents just roll with it but I find it incredibly rude. We have a newborn and they were supposed to come visit us at 4pm. It is now 5:50pm and no sign of them nor any call to tell us their ETA. Fine I don't have any where to be or anything planned but I could have napped or done a number of other things I the time I've wasted waiting for them. Not to mention now, they will be here at dinner time. I'm at a loss as to what I can do or say in this situation but I am floored that anyone thinks this is ok. Thoughts?

My dear friend is at least 1 hour late to EVERYTHING. She was 2 hours late for her engagement party and her wedding. Really. Her time management skills suck and she accepts that. I, as her friend, think she has a million other wonderful qualities that I absolutely love about her, so I overlook her tardiness. I just know she'll be late and that's it. It doesn't affect our friendship because she is an amazing friend and person.

[Anonymous]

I think they have to start realizing that they are missing things. If you say dinner at 5:00 and they show up at 7:00 and you all waited and sit down to eat at 7:00, they don't see anything wrong with the situation and will keep repeating it.
If you invite them for dinner, state the time dinner will start and eat at that time. When they show up late let them see that everyone is finished, offer to reheat leftovers but it is ok for it to be awkward and uncomfortable. I wouldn't show up two hours late and expect everyone waited to eat.
Tell them we will be at this playground from 10-2, when they show up at 1:50, leave at 2:00.
If you invite them to brunch at 11:00, eat brunch at 11:00. if they show up after the meal is over, that's ok.
Invite them to a concert or a play that has a distinct start time. Don't wait in the lobby until they arrive, go enjoy the show.
If you keep adjusting to accomodate their lateness, they will continue to be late because their is no consequence to them when they are late.

[Anonymous]

OP: These people are assholes.

Your husband is also an asshole.

Sorry but you married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they have to start realizing that they are missing things. If you say dinner at 5:00 and they show up at 7:00 and you all waited and sit down to eat at 7:00, they don't see anything wrong with the situation and will keep repeating it.
If you invite them for dinner, state the time dinner will start and eat at that time. When they show up late let them see that everyone is finished, offer to reheat leftovers but it is ok for it to be awkward and uncomfortable. I wouldn't show up two hours late and expect everyone waited to eat.
Tell them we will be at this playground from 10-2, when they show up at 1:50, leave at 2:00.
If you invite them to brunch at 11:00, eat brunch at 11:00. if they show up after the meal is over, that's ok.
Invite them to a concert or a play that has a distinct start time. Don't wait in the lobby until they arrive, go enjoy the show.
If you keep adjusting to accomodate their lateness, they will continue to be late because their is no consequence to them when they are late.

No, you dont invite people like this for anything, period.

If OPs husband wants to invite them he can deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Also do none of the people involved have phones? Cant call or text to say "Were running late" or "where are you?

But the problem is really ops husband who lets op take the brunt of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not buying into some convenient excuse that they have a different culture. They have been in this country since age 7 and 8 and they are now in their mid 40s so that's b.s.

They showed up at 6:30. Brought their sick son who is sniffling and coughing all over the place. And I have a 3 week old. I'm not happy.

What backward culture thinks it's okay to be this late?

Yes. Show you forward culture and create a stink about it. Then try and create unpleasantness among your relatives. Next, ask your dh to choose between them and you. If he does not agree , you can always make his life miserable or divorce him. You are such a catch that you will not have a problem finding someone else, preferably from your forward culture. All good?

[Anonymous]

Agree with those who say, you carry on without them. Do not change anything to accommodate lateness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's oldest brother and sister in law are always late. Like really late. They never call to say they are running late nor do they ever apologize. DH and his parents just roll with it but I find it incredibly rude. We have a newborn and they were supposed to come visit us at 4pm. It is now 5:50pm and no sign of them nor any call to tell us their ETA. Fine I don't have any where to be or anything planned but I could have napped or done a number of other things I the time I've wasted waiting for them. Not to mention now, they will be here at dinner time. I'm at a loss as to what I can do or say in this situation but I am floored that anyone thinks this is ok. Thoughts?

They need an end time, and your DH needs to be on board with holding them to it. Next time they want to visit at 4 p.m., say, "great, we'll block out 4-6 p.m. After that we won't be available." If they show up at 5:30, hang out until 6, then say, "great to see you! As we said, we've got things we need to do now. Bye!" If they come at 6:30, say, "Oh, too bad you couldn't make it earlier. We're busy now, but we'll see you next time!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not buying into some convenient excuse that they have a different culture. They have been in this country since age 7 and 8 and they are now in their mid 40s so that's b.s.

They showed up at 6:30. Brought their sick son who is sniffling and coughing all over the place. And I have a 3 week old. I'm not happy.

What backward culture thinks it's okay to be this late?

Yes. Show you forward culture and create a stink about it. Then try and create unpleasantness among your relatives. Next, ask your dh to choose between them and you. If he does not agree , you can always make his life miserable or divorce him. You are such a catch that you will not have a problem finding someone else, preferably from your forward culture. All good?

Take your projection and issues elsewhere weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH's oldest brother and sister in law are always late. Like really late. They never call to say they are running late nor do they ever apologize. DH and his parents just roll with it but I find it incredibly rude. We have a newborn and they were supposed to come visit us at 4pm. It is now 5:50pm and no sign of them nor any call to tell us their ETA. Fine I don't have any where to be or anything planned but I could have napped or done a number of other things I the time I've wasted waiting for them. Not to mention now, they will be here at dinner time. I'm at a loss as to what I can do or say in this situation but I am floored that anyone thinks this is ok. Thoughts?

They need an end time, and your DH needs to be on board with holding them to it. Next time they want to visit at 4 p.m., say, "great, we'll block out 4-6 p.m. After that we won't be available." If they show up at 5:30, hang out until 6, then say, "great to see you! As we said, we've got things we need to do now. Bye!" If they come at 6:30, say, "Oh, too bad you couldn't make it earlier. We're busy now, but we'll see you next time!"

When I told DH that it was rude to keep us waiting he said "what does it matter? We're not going anywhere. We don't have any place to be".