What he says or what he does?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been dating for a year. He is 35, I am 30. He is good looking, smart, good job, owns his condo. Has never been engaged or lived with a girlfriend. Has told me early on that he does not want children or to be married. But . . . his actions say different. He is warm with his friends' children, invites me over most weekends, we go on lots of trips together, and he is accompanying me to a wedding in a few weeks where he will meet my parents. I think all this means he sees me as a permanent fixture, so do I go by what he says or what he does? I was annoyed because he knows my lease is ending and would never discuss the idea of living together, even when I hinted. Am I wasting my time? Why would he bother being a good boyfriend if this won't ever go anywhere?

^^^^^Future Over 40 and Unmarried with No Kids Alert^^^^^^

+1. This totally happened to my SIL. I know she was hoping for a proposal 4-5 years ago when I just started dating DH but it obviously never happened. She's now turning 40 next month, no kids... they don't even live together.

[Anonymous]

I think a man doesn't get to 35 without being married, engaged, or living with someone AND says clearly he doesn't want to get married or have kids without actually meaning it.

Sure, he might change his mind. 10 or 15 years from now.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Started a discussion with him about progress in the relationship and he just reiterated no marriage or kids for him, and he wanted to date me and be committed to being my boyfriend, but could live the rest of his life just dating and not ever progressing to anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Started a discussion with him about progress in the relationship and he just reiterated no marriage or kids for him, and he wanted to date me and be committed to being my boyfriend, but could live the rest of his life just dating and not ever progressing to anything else.

Well now you know everything you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Started a discussion with him about progress in the relationship and he just reiterated no marriage or kids for him, and he wanted to date me and be committed to being my boyfriend, but could live the rest of his life just dating and not ever progressing to anything else.

He is not going to marry you. Get out. Now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can be warm with children and not want to be a parent, all that means is he isn't a cold hearted asshole.

People go on trips with girlfriends, people meet girlfriends parents etc.

Believe what he says and move on. You want different things. Find a good boyfriend who wants what you do which is marriage and kids.


Actually don't spend another 5- 8 years with him and then you can be close to 40 pissed you still don't have a ring and kids and wondering why.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can be warm with children and not want to be a parent, all that means is he isn't a cold hearted asshole.

People go on trips with girlfriends, people meet girlfriends parents etc.

Believe what he says and move on. You want different things. Find a good boyfriend who wants what you do which is marriage and kids.


Actually don't spend another 5- 8 years with him and then you can be close to 40 pissed you still don't have a ring and kids and wondering why.

Agree 1000% with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Started a discussion with him about progress in the relationship and he just reiterated no marriage or kids for him, and he wanted to date me and be committed to being my boyfriend, but could live the rest of his life just dating and not ever progressing to anything else.

Now, say "this has been fun. See you around." Then, be happy you're available to meet someone that shares your goals. Thank god you didn't move in with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess you all are right, but several of my best friends keep stoking the hope for me. "oh, look, he did x, it means y." I keep thinking, doesn't every guy claim not to want to get married/have kids? But plenty do?

I'm dumb, I know. Ugh.

Ugh, save us from friends who won't face reality!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Started a discussion with him about progress in the relationship and he just reiterated no marriage or kids for him, and he wanted to date me and be committed to being my boyfriend, but could live the rest of his life just dating and not ever progressing to anything else.

At least he's honest and not stringing you along.