Am I completely in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Someone has to be the grown up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was their point of sending you the letter?

If I were to be kind I'd say it was an outlet for them to express all the built up anger, resentment, and disappointment.

If I were to be less kind, I would say it was a tactic to create a rift in the family. The cut off, without doing the cutoff. If someone sends a letter like that 2-3 days before their baby's due date, I imagine they are saying I don't want you here, but they don't have to actually say it or take responsibility for it. Now the other party (me) becomes the inflexible one.

This episode has made my parents very sad. My mother keeps trying everyday to get me to go visit.

I got my niece a card and a small gift, she deserves it. It also helps my parents keep hope for a reconciliation, which is not unlikely, but right now I am so over this drama and don't want to be dragged back into it.

I hope you showed your mother the letter. She shouldn't be taking sides if she doesn't have all the info.

[Anonymous]

Oh yes, send a gift and a card. For your own sake. You'd feel bad if you didn't - otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question. At least you know you did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Send the card to keep it from getting out of control. My mother stopped talking to me because I wouldn't send her a check. I've stopped giving a shit because she ignores my kid. For me that is the unforgivable part. Try to leave the kids out of it if possible.
Might not be.

[Anonymous]

Op you are being evasive. Sounds like you made a promise you knew you couldn't keep so included an "out" clause by saying you would "try.". They think you're insincere and believe they were misled. You then escalated the breach by cutting contact with them without being explicit about it. Without knowing what is in the letter they sent you can't tell who's right or wrong. The fact that you would even consider not acknowledging the birth in some appropriate fashion thus continuing and further escalating the family feud suggests that you aren't accepting your fair share of responsibility for the rift.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really matter who's right and who's wrong. Send a card addressed to the new baby, welcoming her to the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't spoken to my brother in 20 years. I don't even know the name of his kids, don't know what they look like, don't care. When he allowed his wife to look down on us, that's the day he took her last name and no longer belonged to our family.

His loss.

Gosh - is this what happens when a woman changes HER last name or just a double standard that the guy has weak balls if he changes his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow up.

reading things is hard, much easier to pass judgement without I guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't spoken to my brother in 20 years. I don't even know the name of his kids, don't know what they look like, don't care. When he allowed his wife to look down on us, that's the day he took her last name and no longer belonged to our family.

His loss.

I'm really curious: is the issue that your brother changed his last name to hers and thus now you don't speak to her? I'm imagining it's more complex than that - but is that part of what caused a rift?