Husband's sibling can't handle his own child

[Anonymous]

I'm really surprised the IL's aren't cancelling the trip. The arrival of a grandchild is very important. I would think anyone would be torn over not being there for the birth. Furthermore, surely OP understands that if visiting your country of origin matters at all then you would want to do it in the company of the next generation to strengthen that cultural tie therefore bringing the child is not only logical but to be expected. It wouldn't surprise me at all if it was the IL's idea. What better way to build a family than to be inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of your business, OP. At all.

Of course it's her business. An extra toddler is coming on her vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of your business, OP. At all.

Of course it's her business. An extra toddler is coming on her vacation.

Her fault for planning this trip close to the birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. Your SIL is close to her due date so the grandparents are helping out with a toddler. What's not to get? You sound really nasty.

Yup. I'm totally judging. They are totally fine with letting my 70 year old grandparents haul a toddler on an 8 hour flight so they won't be overwhelmed.

You were fine with planning the "trip of a lifetime" right around the arrival of their grandchild. People in glass houses ....

Ding ding ding ding! This.

We didn't know about the baby when the trip was planned/booked/paid for.

Now you know.

[Anonymous]

You should put yourself in their place. What would you have them do? I'm sure they're not happy their DS won't be around when their baby is born. So judgemental. Anger and self-righteousness usually originate from selfishness and/or self-centeredness.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps when you are nine months pregnant and have your older (very young child) to contend with you will re read this and have an entirely different view on this situation. At least I hope so.

[Anonymous]

I commented earlier and just re-read the post and I think this must be a troll. It is perfectly ordinary for someone's parents to help out babysitting when a child is sick, or the person is out of town, or for the occasional date night. I really can't believe someone would bitch about that.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised you are doing a trip if a lifetime with a 1-2 year old. That's the toughest time. Why not wait a little so you can actually go out and do things and enjoy it? I would cancel with this new news for sure.

[Anonymous]

I would say that my in-laws took DS (the exactly 2 years old) for a week after DD was born. Lots going on medically here- bed rest at 30 weeks for preterm labor, in and out of the hospital trying to buy DD time, DD born at 35 weeks by emergency C-section, but was able to come home with me. So yes, I loved that my mother came for a week to help, and that we did not have to worry about DS while I was in the hospital and for my first 4-5 days at home, when I basically slept and fed the baby. By the time he came back, I was able to be up and about, and was healing well. And was able to give DS attention too. So I think it's nice that your in-laws are stepping up to help. If for no other reason than because they can shower him with attention while his mother is in the hospital, recovering from childbirth, trying to establish BF, etc. Not a ton of attention there for the older DC.

Now the travel thing is weird, no doubt. But it sounds like a case of bad timing and your in laws not wanting to let you down after you planned this grand trip, but also wanting to lend a hand with a new grandchild. Maybe you could push the trip a couple months, so they could do both, separately?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you are doing a trip if a lifetime with a 1-2 year old. That's the toughest time. Why not wait a little so you can actually go out and do things and enjoy it? I would cancel with this new news for sure.

We enjoy doing things with our toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I commented earlier and just re-read the post and I think this must be a troll. It is perfectly ordinary for someone's parents to help out babysitting when a child is sick, or the person is out of town, or for the occasional date night. I really can't believe someone would bitch about that.

...when did I complain about any of that? I just provided it for background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should put yourself in their place. What would you have them do? I'm sure they're not happy their DS won't be around when their baby is born. So judgemental. Anger and self-righteousness usually originate from selfishness and/or self-centeredness.

I don't understand your post pp. they could have their son around when the baby arrives. The grandparents aren't kidnapping the child. His parents could easily say they don't want him to go on the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your real issue? That you'll be stuck taking care of both toddlers on vacation? Jealousy at the help they receive with childcare? The situation itself is odd, but not necessarily worth getting upset about.

My real issue is this- this is a trip of a lifetime for my in laws. It includes travel for MIL to her country of origin, where she has not been in many years. But BIL and SIL are like whatever can you take care of our kid on your trip of a lifetime?

Reschedule it.

But really - you are taking your toddlers on their trip of a lifetime so that angle doesn't make any sense.
Why not take this trip when the kids are old enough to not be crazy and in diapers? Why don't you go to Sesame Place or Disney this time around since you are bringing toddlers? This makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your real issue? That you'll be stuck taking care of both toddlers on vacation? Jealousy at the help they receive with childcare? The situation itself is odd, but not necessarily worth getting upset about.

My real issue is this- this is a trip of a lifetime for my in laws. It includes travel for MIL to her country of origin, where she has not been in many years. But BIL and SIL are like whatever can you take care of our kid on your trip of a lifetime?

Reschedule it.

But really - you are taking your toddlers on their trip of a lifetime so that angle doesn't make any sense.
Why not take this trip when the kids are old enough to not be crazy and in diapers? Why don't you go to Sesame Place or Disney this time around since you are bringing toddlers? This makes no sense.

The reason we booked it in the first place is some friends of ours own a property in the destination country, and they will not be using it, so they offered it to us, making a non-affordable trip affordable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your real issue? That you'll be stuck taking care of both toddlers on vacation? Jealousy at the help they receive with childcare? The situation itself is odd, but not necessarily worth getting upset about.

My real issue is this- this is a trip of a lifetime for my in laws. It includes travel for MIL to her country of origin, where she has not been in many years. But BIL and SIL are like whatever can you take care of our kid on your trip of a lifetime?

Reschedule it.

But really - you are taking your toddlers on their trip of a lifetime so that angle doesn't make any sense.
Why not take this trip when the kids are old enough to not be crazy and in diapers? Why don't you go to Sesame Place or Disney this time around since you are bringing toddlers? This makes no sense.

The reason we booked it in the first place is some friends of ours own a property in the destination country, and they will not be using it, so they offered it to us, making a non-affordable trip affordable.

Well, go and have the IL's hire a nanny to live in or come every day and help out.

I suspect this is about SAH momming vs working parents/day care? I was a SAH mom by necessity (severe special needs kid) but my brother and his wife both worked and spent so little time with their young children they even put them in day care on family vacations - all day long (not just a few hours). They gleefully sent their kids off with grandma even to places directly on the water when the kids were young and crazy and not good swimmers but they needed time for themselves and they did it and everyone survived. Their kids were wild. Is this tension caused by the differences in your family lives? You have made different choices or just have different families. You shouldn't judge.
It does stink that the IL's are bringing another toddler but there's nothing else you can do except ask them to hire a nanny to help and keep him at home, have IL's not come (both seem a little offensive) or hire a nanny in the other country (least offensive?).
Or, go to Disney with grandparents and toddlers...