Whats the deal with my inlaws and food?

[Anonymous]

They sound like food addicts. I say this from my own personal experience. They probably eat ALOT and eat many unhealthy things. They make be embarrassed for anyone to see how they eat when they are out in public. So they say they don't eat much. In fact, they probably do eat a ton before coming to see you.

However, whenever they see the food out and on the table, they just can resist having some (and just a little is never enough). Some food addicts are in total denial over their food intake (they really do think that they don't eat much and can't figure out why they are gaining weight). Others, like myself, are not in denial -- but we just don't want to deny ourselves anything.

As far as the restaurant go, pushing food on you is typical behavior for a food addict. If they aren't going to eat it, they still want to see it and want someone else to eat it. They are consumed with all the menu options and are always hoping to order the perfect meal and are extremely interested in what everyone else is eating as well as their own plate.

I thought food addiction was a joke for a long time. My friend joined a 12 step program for food addicts. I went to it with her after it helped her lose weight. I now understand that food addiction is real. Honestly, your in-laws exhibit classic behaviors of a food addict. They may not be full on addicts yet -- but my guess is that they are on their way.

So what to do? Nothing. Just make food that pleases you. They can eat it or not. If they push food on you, tell them you don't want it but that they should order it for themselves. You can't change it. They probably can't change it either at this point. Just love them for all their good qualities.

[Anonymous]

^^Sorry for all the typos. I am on Metro.

I do my best proofreading AFTER I hit submit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

Maybe for MIL'sgeneration. 30somethings and younger don't care. We never bought into the whole Miss Scarlett eat lak a bird thing, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

Maybe for MIL'sgeneration. 30somethings and younger don't care. We never bought into the whole Miss Scarlett eat lak a bird thing, thanks.

Are you joking? You think there's no ED among the 30 and under set???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

Maybe for MIL'sgeneration. 30somethings and younger don't care. We never bought into the whole Miss Scarlett eat lak a bird thing, thanks.

Are you joking? You think there's no ED among the 30 and under set???

Those with EDs are in the minority and certainly don't represent "American culture."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're being weird because they're weird. Food is complicated for a lot of people. It's something you use to control, it's something that controls you, it's something you use to welcome guests, to feel welcomed as guests, etc. If you judge others by what they eat, you assume others are judging you on what you eat. It can go on and on.

I'd just consider it amusing and remove myself emotionally from it. It's a mystery not meant to be solved.

Best response ever.

Done and done. Love this.

[Anonymous]

Our relationships with food are almost as important and personal to us as our relationships with people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

Maybe for MIL'sgeneration. 30somethings and younger don't care. We never bought into the whole Miss Scarlett eat lak a bird thing, thanks.

Are you joking? You think there's no ED among the 30 and under set???

Those with EDs are in the minority and certainly don't represent "American culture."

Those with EDs are always in the minority. What the hell are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

Maybe for MIL'sgeneration. 30somethings and younger don't care. We never bought into the whole Miss Scarlett eat lak a bird thing, thanks.

The solution is to eat, but then to loudly shame yourself for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

NP here. Wow! This is a great point. Never thought of that. It's so true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

Maybe for MIL'sgeneration. 30somethings and younger don't care. We never bought into the whole Miss Scarlett eat lak a bird thing, thanks.

MIL does this, and it very much is about appearances. She has an unhealthy relationship with food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our relationships with food are almost as important and personal to us as our relationships with people.

+1

Interesting correlation! Yes - bad relationships with people generally equates bad relationships with food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

Maybe for MIL'sgeneration. 30somethings and younger don't care. We never bought into the whole Miss Scarlett eat lak a bird thing, thanks.

The solution is to eat, but then to loudly shame yourself for it.

My MIL does this. While picking her teeth at the table. JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

NP here. Wow! This is a great point. Never thought of that. It's so true!

True for MILs. Not younger people. Sorry. We've got Jennifer Lawrence, Tina Fey and Amy Poehker, Amy Schumer, Rebel Wilson and Many other stars out there who give zero fucks. They all are vocal about loving pizza. The tide is turning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is a hypocritical facet of American culture. A good hostess puts out a plentiful display of food of food and a good guest makes her hostess happy. However, a "good" female does not eat a lot. This sets up dueling social conventions that are not possible for women to satisfy. We must be good hostesses and guests, yet as females we cannot eat more than a few tidbits. We cannot satisfy both notions.

NP here. Wow! This is a great point. Never thought of that. It's so true!

True for MILs. Not younger people. Sorry. We've got Jennifer Lawrence, Tina Fey and Amy Poehker, Amy Schumer, Rebel Wilson and Many other stars out there who give zero fucks. They all are vocal about loving pizza. The tide is turning.

Oh sure! We're way beyond all that. Which is why we have posts like this:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/533237.page