Husband dresses terribly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, yes, not inappropriate but old, too small, frayed, full of holes, etc.

He is in the medical field, so yes science but not in a lab all day. At a recent holiday party, his staff was making fun of him for dressing so badly. I love him, but I was embarrassed.

Why oh why do women have to do this? I have enough to do around here!

You don't have to do this. Stop being a martyr. Let him do him.

Did you miss the message? He doesn't do it himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I do and DH fully approves and loves:
-buy all the clothing
-toss anything with frayed hems, holes, shoes with holes, too tight, too big.
-make a hair appointment every 6 weeks during his lunch time

DH is exceptionally busy and doesn't have time to deal with clothing, what looks good or weeding out clothes with holes. I enjoy doing it though. Sometimes he's a bit picky, but I try to buy clothes I know he'll like (NOT skinny jeans) and when he has a favorite brand of shoes, I'll stick with it for years. It's not an option in my house to wear holey clothes or shoes, so that's not even on the table.

I do agree that your DH's sloppy clothes or clothes with holes aren't getting him the respect at work he wants. That was actually how DH started letting me do his clothes when we were dating.

That is how you treat a child.
Seriously.

What happened to get a $20 haircut and just walking into a place? That is what MOST MEN DO!

I would never let a woman buy me clothes for every single thing, I am too picky of a shopper and I know what is a good price and what isn't because I comparison shop most clothing for months.

You sound completely and totally different from the OP's husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really like that my DH dresses a bit frayed. He WAH and we are in creative fields with artsy friends, so a Brooks Brothers shirt would get laughed at way more than an old band t-shirt and worn out sneakers.

I know plenty of professional scientists, mathematicians, academics, and artists who look a bit messy on purpose. It's a signifier in their fields.

If your DH is in any of those fields, you might just have to get over your hang-ups.

Uh no. I have three men with math PhDs in my family and all dress very well. Yes, their colleagues sometimes look like a mess, but you are not more respected if you dress poorly. There's less pressure for sure, but the ones who do a basic business-casual look WELL stand out a lot.

... Sometimes in the wrong "does he think he's in admin.?" way.

+1

People who dress well are regarded with suspicion in some fields.

Of course, simple wearing clothes that fit and don't have holes in them is a reasonable expectation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, yes, not inappropriate but old, too small, frayed, full of holes, etc.

He is in the medical field, so yes science but not in a lab all day. At a recent holiday party, his staff was making fun of him for dressing so badly. I love him, but I was embarrassed.

Why oh why do women have to do this? I have enough to do around here!

You don't have to do this. Stop being a martyr. Let him do him.

Did you miss the message? He doesn't do it himself.

He doesn't do it to OP's taste. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the time when my then 15-year old sister (all 5'1" of her) literally blocked my father from leaving the house because of the all (unmatching) plaid outfit he was about to wear to a meeting, screaming for my mother to come running. Ugly even by 1970s standards! That memory brought me a nice smile.

Ladies, sometimes you just have to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, just throw out or donate clothing that no longer fits or is inappropriate.

I would probably do this.

I do this. My husband can wear whatever style of clothing he wants, but clothing with holes in it gets tossed. If it might have sentimental value (an old t-shirt with his favorite player's name) I ask, but if it's just your basic item of clothing and it's stained, torn, or worn out and can't be fixed, I toss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, yes, not inappropriate but old, too small, frayed, full of holes, etc.

He is in the medical field, so yes science but not in a lab all day. At a recent holiday party, his staff was making fun of him for dressing so badly. I love him, but I was embarrassed.

Why oh why do women have to do this? I have enough to do around here!

You don't have to do this. Stop being a martyr. Let him do him.

Did you miss the message? He doesn't do it himself.

He doesn't do it to OP's taste. Big difference.

Op doesn't want to look like she's married to a homeless man. Don't try to make her wrong for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, yes, not inappropriate but old, too small, frayed, full of holes, etc.

He is in the medical field, so yes science but not in a lab all day. At a recent holiday party, his staff was making fun of him for dressing so badly. I love him, but I was embarrassed.

Why oh why do women have to do this? I have enough to do around here!

You don't have to do this. Stop being a martyr. Let him do him.

Did you miss the message? He doesn't do it himself.

He doesn't do it to OP's taste. Big difference.

Op doesn't want to look like she's married to a homeless man. Don't try to make her wrong for that.

Did he suddenly change the way he dressed after they were married? Not likely. Nothing wrong with helping, but it's not okay to dress one's husband. Let the poor guy have some autonomy.

[Anonymous]

OP here- in reply to last poster, no he didn't change much since we married at age 25, but we are now mid thirties and the poor, absent minded professor thing is harder for him to rock in our advanced age. Surely you can understand.

[Anonymous]

My husband has a few go-to's that are horrid looking. They sometimes disappear. I swear we must have a hideous clothes fairy that preys on clothes that no longer fit or have holes. He will say have you seen this shirt? I am positive it was in the closet last time I looked. Oh well. Guess it is time for a new one. Darn fairies....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- in reply to last poster, no he didn't change much since we married at age 25, but we are now mid thirties and the poor, absent minded professor thing is harder for him to rock in our advanced age. Surely you can understand.

No, it's not harder for him to rock, it's just becoming more embarrassing for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- in reply to last poster, no he didn't change much since we married at age 25, but we are now mid thirties and the poor, absent minded professor thing is harder for him to rock in our advanced age. Surely you can understand.

No, it's not harder for him to rock, it's just becoming more embarrassing for you.

Not Op, but a 25 year old can get away with slovenliness and tattered clothes in a way a 35 year old cannot. It's not a good look at either age, but at least in the case of the 25 year old it can be chalked up to youth. Barring poverty, there is no reason a 35 year old man should have holes in his shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, just throw out or donate clothing that no longer fits or is inappropriate.

I would probably do this.

Another vote for this. I throw out anything particularly ratty from my husband's closet when he's not home. If I didn't, I would go insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, just throw out or donate clothing that no longer fits or is inappropriate.

I would probably do this.

Another vote for this. I throw out anything particularly ratty from my husband's closet when he's not home. If I didn't, I would go insane.

As a DH, I don't have a problem with this in principle. But in fairness, we should be able to throw out your ratty granny panties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, just throw out or donate clothing that no longer fits or is inappropriate.

I would probably do this.

Another vote for this. I throw out anything particularly ratty from my husband's closet when he's not home. If I didn't, I would go insane.

As a DH, I don't have a problem with this in principle. But in fairness, we should be able to throw out your ratty granny panties.

I think the women tossing out holey clothes aren't the same ones with ratty panties. I toss my own clothes quite regularly.