What's the minimum level of monthly income minus mortgage you'd feel comfortable with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And as you're doing a line item of budget and savings, honestly I would account for putting SOMETHING away for the kids' eventual college in the US. I know more than one immigrant who has said -- oh I will raise my kids to love my country just like I do and they have TONS of family there so of course they'll go to college there. Well 18 yrs later -- the kid who is born and raised in America may consider himself 100% American and may not be interested in going to college in Australia when all his buddies are going to NYU. As for -- well I'll just force him -- easier said than done if you get a child that says, well fine, I don't really want to go to college anyway.

I went to UVA and have a huge business network here because of it
UVA gave me much more than an education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And as you're doing a line item of budget and savings, honestly I would account for putting SOMETHING away for the kids' eventual college in the US. I know more than one immigrant who has said -- oh I will raise my kids to love my country just like I do and they have TONS of family there so of course they'll go to college there. Well 18 yrs later -- the kid who is born and raised in America may consider himself 100% American and may not be interested in going to college in Australia when all his buddies are going to NYU. As for -- well I'll just force him -- easier said than done if you get a child that says, well fine, I don't really want to go to college anyway.

I went to UVA and have a huge business network here because of it
UVA gave me much more than an education.

Right -- which is why there's value in going to school where you're going to live -- often the same region but always in the same country. Not sure how many 17 yr olds think like that -- they may just think -- I want to go where my friends are going - UVa or UMD or NYU or whatever -- I don't care if mom and dad are from Australia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6-7 is the absolute minimum I'd be comfortable with.

Same here and that's well below what we currently have left after mortgage and childcare.

Same question as previously -- where do you see all of that money going?

We eat good quality food, my kids play year round sports, one travel team each, we take 2 nice vacations a year, my kids go to great summer camps, including a computer programming one at georgetown for $1000/wk, we save for college to afford them the best opportunity possible, we put aside 32k/yr in 401k, plus we have healthy savings.

Sure we COULD live on way less, but I wouldn't willingly choose to sacrifice retirement ,college savings, rich experiences for my kids and a solid safety net for hobbies and to have one of us SAH.

You asked what we'd be comfortable with and that would be my bottom line. Even at that I'd have to give my our 3k/mo retirement contributions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And as you're doing a line item of budget and savings, honestly I would account for putting SOMETHING away for the kids' eventual college in the US. I know more than one immigrant who has said -- oh I will raise my kids to love my country just like I do and they have TONS of family there so of course they'll go to college there. Well 18 yrs later -- the kid who is born and raised in America may consider himself 100% American and may not be interested in going to college in Australia when all his buddies are going to NYU. As for -- well I'll just force him -- easier said than done if you get a child that says, well fine, I don't really want to go to college anyway.

I went to UVA and have a huge business network here because of it
UVA gave me much more than an education.

Right -- which is why there's value in going to school where you're going to live -- often the same region but always in the same country. Not sure how many 17 yr olds think like that -- they may just think -- I want to go where my friends are going - UVa or UMD or NYU or whatever -- I don't care if mom and dad are from Australia.

OP here -- FWIW, she's Australian who moved to the US for college, and I'm a west coaster who moved to DC for college, so I guess neither of us are predisposed to treat going to college around where you grew up as the be-all end-all (or if anything, to see it as a net positive).

We're certainly planning to save money for college (and could transition back to a dual income household down the line to support that), but the costs of college right now in the United States are absolutely insane, and who knows how much worse it might be 20+ years from now! And we're in DC, so there's no mid-price in-state tuition option as there would be in MD/VA.

The kid's preferences are important, but just as they won't always get to eat what they want or spend what they want in their daily lives, their hypothetical preference to pass up on a world-class university in an English-speaking country that would be virtually free by comparison would be something I'd take into consideration, but I'm not going to let it entirely dictate our choices.

Though if I have the sort of kid who'd really say "well fine, I'm not going to college anyways then," then as much as that would suck for me, the least-worst option is probably that they don't go to college. If they're not self-directed and internally motivated they wouldn't get much out of it, so it'd just be throwing good money after bad. Seen it happen many times to others.

[Anonymous]

Two things OP.

1. You need to work backwards to figure out if you can do this. Set up an imaginary budget for your family with 1 and 2 kids. Include money for activites, vacations, food, clothing, utilities - basically everything you might need to spend money on. Total this up and you will know how much you need to bring home each month. If this number is greater than what the $120k job will bring home each month then either take the $150k job or look at your imaginary budget and determine what you can live without.

2. Please don't assume your child(ren) will go to school in Australia for free. They may not want to or it might not be a good choice based on what they want to do. As a side, I had 2 friends get advanced degrees from schools in Australia but then they had trouble getting jobs in the US. Apparently, employers didn't look at the degree from Australia the same as they would a degree from the US. This was a business degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And as you're doing a line item of budget and savings, honestly I would account for putting SOMETHING away for the kids' eventual college in the US. I know more than one immigrant who has said -- oh I will raise my kids to love my country just like I do and they have TONS of family there so of course they'll go to college there. Well 18 yrs later -- the kid who is born and raised in America may consider himself 100% American and may not be interested in going to college in Australia when all his buddies are going to NYU. As for -- well I'll just force him -- easier said than done if you get a child that says, well fine, I don't really want to go to college anyway.

I went to UVA and have a huge business network here because of it
UVA gave me much more than an education.

Right -- which is why there's value in going to school where you're going to live -- often the same region but always in the same country. Not sure how many 17 yr olds think like that -- they may just think -- I want to go where my friends are going - UVa or UMD or NYU or whatever -- I don't care if mom and dad are from Australia.

OP here -- FWIW, she's Australian who moved to the US for college, and I'm a west coaster who moved to DC for college, so I guess neither of us are predisposed to treat going to college around where you grew up as the be-all end-all (or if anything, to see it as a net positive).

We're certainly planning to save money for college (and could transition back to a dual income household down the line to support that), but the costs of college right now in the United States are absolutely insane, and who knows how much worse it might be 20+ years from now! And we're in DC, so there's no mid-price in-state tuition option as there would be in MD/VA.

The kid's preferences are important, but just as they won't always get to eat what they want or spend what they want in their daily lives, their hypothetical preference to pass up on a world-class university in an English-speaking country that would be virtually free by comparison would be something I'd take into consideration, but I'm not going to let it entirely dictate our choices.

Though if I have the sort of kid who'd really say "well fine, I'm not going to college anyways then," then as much as that would suck for me, the least-worst option is probably that they don't go to college. If they're not self-directed and internally motivated they wouldn't get much out of it, so it'd just be throwing good money after bad. Seen it happen many times to others.

Busted! Lol. As I suspected in your original post, you flipped the genders.

Wise, as you were looking to avoid SAHM bashing (much less SAHD bashing on here - because the woman stays in control economically), but you just gave yourself away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And as you're doing a line item of budget and savings, honestly I would account for putting SOMETHING away for the kids' eventual college in the US. I know more than one immigrant who has said -- oh I will raise my kids to love my country just like I do and they have TONS of family there so of course they'll go to college there. Well 18 yrs later -- the kid who is born and raised in America may consider himself 100% American and may not be interested in going to college in Australia when all his buddies are going to NYU. As for -- well I'll just force him -- easier said than done if you get a child that says, well fine, I don't really want to go to college anyway.

I went to UVA and have a huge business network here because of it
UVA gave me much more than an education.

Right -- which is why there's value in going to school where you're going to live -- often the same region but always in the same country. Not sure how many 17 yr olds think like that -- they may just think -- I want to go where my friends are going - UVa or UMD or NYU or whatever -- I don't care if mom and dad are from Australia.

OP here -- FWIW, she's Australian who moved to the US for college, and I'm a west coaster who moved to DC for college, so I guess neither of us are predisposed to treat going to college around where you grew up as the be-all end-all (or if anything, to see it as a net positive).

We're certainly planning to save money for college (and could transition back to a dual income household down the line to support that), but the costs of college right now in the United States are absolutely insane, and who knows how much worse it might be 20+ years from now! And we're in DC, so there's no mid-price in-state tuition option as there would be in MD/VA.

The kid's preferences are important, but just as they won't always get to eat what they want or spend what they want in their daily lives, their hypothetical preference to pass up on a world-class university in an English-speaking country that would be virtually free by comparison would be something I'd take into consideration, but I'm not going to let it entirely dictate our choices.

Though if I have the sort of kid who'd really say "well fine, I'm not going to college anyways then," then as much as that would suck for me, the least-worst option is probably that they don't go to college. If they're not self-directed and internally motivated they wouldn't get much out of it, so it'd just be throwing good money after bad. Seen it happen many times to others.

Busted! Lol. As I suspected in your original post, you flipped the genders.

Wise, as you were looking to avoid SAHM bashing (much less SAHD bashing on here - because the woman stays in control economically), but you just gave yourself away.

Actually the opposite, lol. The situation is exactly as described, but we've both been hopping onto this thread, simply replying as 'OP'.

[Anonymous]

Also, SAHM bashing on DCUM??? If anything I feel like DCUM is super judgy of parents both working outside the home.

(Personally, I feel like two parents working is a perfectly valid way to raise a kid, since my parents raised me that way and I turned out fine -- he thinks it'd be terrible to raise a latchkey kid or to hire help, since his parents raised him that way, and he turned out fine. Different experiences, different perspectives, no surprise there I suppose.)

[Anonymous]

The people responding here are plain NUTS.

We have a similar situation. My husband has looked after the kids while I worked. My one caution here is whether you will resent him for having that opportunity, when you don't. It's not a huge issue for us but there are definitely times when I wish I could be the stay at home parent. He also struggles with his own perceptions that staying at home is somehow "less than" -especially for a man.

Anyway, in terms of cash you need, we live on about 3500 a month after our mortgage is paid and we live very well. That figure is also after taking out retirement savings. Our mortgage is much lower than yours, but our income is about 100k. I think you'll do fine. We eat out regularly and go on a lot of trips/vacations but I don't buy into this assumption that you have to sign your kids up for expensive activities, camps, private schools which I guess eat up other peoples disposable income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6-7 is the absolute minimum I'd be comfortable with.

Same here and that's well below what we currently have left after mortgage and childcare.

Same question as previously -- where do you see all of that money going?

We eat good quality food, my kids play year round sports, one travel team each, we take 2 nice vacations a year, my kids go to great summer camps, including a computer programming one at georgetown for $1000/wk, we save for college to afford them the best opportunity possible, we put aside 32k/yr in 401k, plus we have healthy savings.

Sure we COULD live on way less, but I wouldn't willingly choose to sacrifice retirement ,college savings, rich experiences for my kids and a solid safety net for hobbies and to have one of us SAH.

You asked what we'd be comfortable with and that would be my bottom line. Even at that I'd have to give my our 3k/mo retirement contributions.

You're a rich, over privileged idiot. Unfortunately you are raising your children to be spoiled, entitled brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most employers don't pay as much (or anything) toward family premiums. DH pays $400/month for me and DS.

You'll need to put money in a retirement account for your husband.

You may want to do lessons/activities with your children before they start PK.

You will want an intermittent babysitter, for date nights, when your DH has a doctor's appointment, or if his hobbies coincide with your having to work late or travel.

You will find yourselves outsourcing more than you did. Before kids, DH and I could retile our bathroom ourselves, but now someone has to watch the kids. You may want a housekeeper, or maybe you'll eat out more.

You may spend extra in gas or transit costs if DH likes to take the children out frequently.

Once your children are over 2, you need to buy an additional plane ticket(s) when you go to Australia.

Obviously, you can live on an HHI of $120k. I don't think anyone will dispute that. But maybe not if you want a comparable lifestyle to what you have now.

+1

You will also want the freedom to have your kids pursue their own interests as they get older: Theater, dance, sports, musical instrument. The list goes on, and it all costs money.

I could never get comfortable with having a SAH spouse who never wanted to work again, not in this age of tenuous employment. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people responding here are plain NUTS.

We have a similar situation. My husband has looked after the kids while I worked. My one caution here is whether you will resent him for having that opportunity, when you don't. It's not a huge issue for us but there are definitely times when I wish I could be the stay at home parent. He also struggles with his own perceptions that staying at home is somehow "less than" -especially for a man.

Anyway, in terms of cash you need, we live on about 3500 a month after our mortgage is paid and we live very well. That figure is also after taking out retirement savings. Our mortgage is much lower than yours, but our income is about 100k. I think you'll do fine. We eat out regularly and go on a lot of trips/vacations but I don't buy into this assumption that you have to sign your kids up for expensive activities, camps, private schools which I guess eat up other peoples disposable income.

To be fair, I wouldn't call them nuts, just living with very very different priorities. For example, as someone who learned to code from age 5 onwards, got out of it around middle school (I started noticing girls, they started noticing that they weren't going to be kissing a boy who was into computer programming), got back into it as an adult, I see coding as something that's all about self-teaching and the thrill of self-discovery and pursuing your own personal passion to create. So a $1k a week coding camp at Georgetown would be the exact opposite of what I'd steer my kid towards. But that's a totally valid choice for other people to make!

I think one thing that can help with resentment is if the partner staying home is the one who wants kids more, or feels more comfortable with the day-to-day of dealing with kids. A mismatch on that level would be rough. And obviously if the dude staying home is a committed feminist, that's pretty helpful too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could never get comfortable with having a SAH spouse who never wanted to work again, not in this age of tenuous employment. No way.

I could never get comfortable entrusting a merely quasi-interested stranger with the task of raising my child half the time during their most formative years. We all have different things we could never get comfortable with, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 K monthly income.

Absurd.

[Anonymous]

We have about 6k per month left over after mortgage and taxes (my mom watches the kids). It is more than enough to live pretty luxuriously, I think. We never think about money.